12 year old boy abused my 3 year old son

I just found this site and felt the need to tell my story. My fiance and I bought a house together in May of this year and by the end of July we discovered his 12 year old son was sexually molesting my 3 year old son, by sucking his penis. We reported it to the authorities and had his son commited to an adolescent behvioral health institiution. He spent 2 1/2 days there and was released because his dad hired him an attorney. Our Dept of Children Services dropped the charges and so did the local police station, even though I wanted charges filed my desires were not considered. The 12 year old goes to therapy hit and miss and due to having the attorney the therapist was instructed not to discuss the sexual abuse with him.

I have felt so betrayed by my fiance. I understand this is his son, but it seems he is more concerned with covering his *** than getting him actual help. And I was told by DCFS that although they are dropping the charges if I allow this kid back in my home and he does it again they will remove my son from my custody.

In September my fiance moved out leaving me with the financial burden of our house. We continued to see each other though at the end of November I discovered I am pregnant. I was using reliable birth control (an IUD). Now he says he is leaving completely if I have this baby. I would never judge someone who chooses abortion, but for me it's not right.

This is all just a horrible nightmare. My son, now 4, seems to be doing well. I'm still searching for a therapist for him. He saw one breifly but it was not a good fit. The therapist had no control during sesions my son would just act wild and she never even discussed the abuse with him. He just hated going and asked if he could stop. I know he needs help still.

[RockRose]

How horrible.  

[margypops]

I am glad you are not choosing abortion, and I hope this man and his child are out of your life permanently, I would drop the subject now with your child about abuse ,if it has affected him you can get more therapy later , best to focus on your new life and a new baby Good Luck to you .

[adgal]

It sounds like you are putting your son first, and that is so great.  It's good to hear that you are not allowing the danger anywhere near him.

You are in such a difficult position.  I agree that your son, being so young, may not suffer any long lasting effects, although I am not a therapist so I would talk to a professional about it.

I would also suggest counselling for you.  In addition to what has happened to your son, you are now dealing with so much.  There are so many agencies out there who can provide the support you need right now.  I hope you also have close family members and friends that can help.  If this man chooses to leave you because you will not abort his baby, then he was never worth it to begin with.  He will be held responsible financially, so hopefully you get some assistance there.  But in the meantime, focus on your son and your own well being.  Being a single mom is not easy, but many do is successfully, and you can too.  But I truly would seek out some counselling and support for yourself.  I wish you well.

[allmymarbles]

Have you considered that if you had this man's child it would be almost impossible to cut the connection with him? If you want him out of your life this may be not be possible.

[merlindayana857]

The people are loosing their moral while becoming modern. The society needs to be attentive that moral value. Well, it shocking and needed and immediate attention to short out at the earlier.
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[sassysissy244]

You can press charges, no matter what the attorney says. Press criminal charges. Is this still america?

[SerenityD]

Let your son live a normal life. Do the counseling, get away from the abusers, spouse included and try to pick up the pieces. I was molested throughout my childhood starting at six by various adult men, and blocked it out. I was able to enjoy my childhood for a bit until I recalled it. I dont know if this was right or not, but my mom decided not to victimize me twice by rehashing what had occurred. If your son is labeled a victim, I promise he will be just that. Let him know that he conquered the nastiness that occured to him early on, and let him live a life away from that abuser. I am assuming that you can use the abuse as a reason to keep the two parties away from you and your children. Both of them. I found out I was abused and my life ended. I became the victim and no longer had any self worth. I married a man that beat me mercilessly. I had children with the man and subsequently left him when he left me naked and unconcious in my front yard.  He was charged for raping a girl, with three different feloneous rape charges,but subsequently the  charges were dropped by the girl. My geuss was due to fear that the ex probably instilled in her. He sat in jail for 6 months for the crime, during which my custody case occurred. The judge was very sympathetic and gave me full custody which never happens. So my point is, dont give up, you never know what is going to happen. Let your boy live as normal a life as possible, make sure you treat the trauma immediately. And get the away from the abusers. God helped me with a miracle.....pray, He is faithful.  PS....a 12 year old is usually reinacting whatmay have already been done to him.

[Healthadvisory]

you can still press charges, no one can stop you from doing this. you as a mother are doing a great job getting yuor 4 yr old help. keep up the good weork, keep yuor head up. I am a man but its time to leave and start fresh.

[meg613]

i agree wit serenityD  the 12 year old is disturbed from his own experiences, no 12 year old knows how to do that unless someone did that to him. just build a new and secure life with your son. do you have to stay in that house... it might be best for him to move if he is at all traumatised and although this may sound harsh but he is likely to remember.