A father masterbating in front of his 19 month old son

[atmen7]

Tags: dealing w/ the father, masturbating, child, problem
I had a situation with my daughters now ex-boyfriend, who lived with us including there 19 month old son. My husband had come out from the bedroom to find the boyfriend masturbating in the living on the couch, watching porn on his cell phone. The problem with this is his 19 month old was playing three feet away from him. My husband was shocked but really not sure if what he saw was what he saw. My husband grabbed the baby and put a movie in the bedroom to keep the baby from being in the room with not being sure. Well, being a 19 month old and active, the baby tires of the movie and runs out into the living room. My husband right behind the baby rounds the corner to find the boyfriend again masturbating and watching porn. Then again grabs the baby being sure of what he saw this time and keeps the baby in the room. This happened again a third time. My husband not sure what to do informed me of the situation when I got home. I then informed my daughter of her boyfriends actions with his child in the room.
Long story short, we kicked him out, made a report, and was slapped in the face to find the detective dropping the charges. The detective compared this to a mother or father taking a bath with there child. I know this isn't right. More ought to be done. Not even a indecent exposure ticket. Scott free, and come to find out he is trying to file for custody of my grandson. We are in the process of getting her full custody, and trying to have supervised visitation set up for him. I guess my question is they made us feel like we were over reacting. What should we do? And should we keep pursuing charges?    

[allmymarbles]

You expressed exactly what I was thinking.

[Dazon50]

I would be startled to walk in & see this going on.  Masturbating is a private thing.  My concern is with how he chose to do this in front of the little one reflecting a possible lack of control in the timing of it.  Masturbating is ok but when & how it is done in such a way that seems unhealthy raises red flags.

Am I correct in that this is your home?  If so, this young man didn't seem to show respect for what he was doing and the manner in which everyone reacted to what he was doing.  Sitting down to discuss the matter when all are calm would have been good.  I believe in giving others the benefit of the doubt until proven wrong and I would question what background this man came from and whether he knew that doing it openly like that might be seen as inappropriate.

I would be concerned too.  I know trying to keep a level-head is important during this time.  Hopefully all factors and sides/views will be considered in making the decision as to custody and visitation rights.  Good luck and I hope that the decision of what is best for your grandchild will be made.

[heyjude1]

Something is wrong.  

[specialmom]

or drugs . . .

[RockRose]

Other than this,  does the boyfriend seem normal?  I mean,  before your husband saw him masturbating right out in the open,  he seemed normal?

I think it's odder,  honestly,  to masturbate in front of the old man than the baby,  and then to act like it's no problem everybody does this - I would say that's mental illness.   Honestly.

[specialmom]

Ya know, I'm a parent . . . and while my child is awake I kind of try to focas on the child . . .  just a thought.  Why is it necessary for this adult to masurbate in the middle of the day in the living room with other people around like your husband and his daughter toddling around . . .  That speaks volumes to this type of person and where his head is at with the idea of caring for his child.  It is totally inappropriate in on many levels.  I'd be afraid to leave a child with him not just because it is disgusting to masterbate in front of your child while watching porn on  your phone (how pathetic is that) but it is also inappropriate because he is suppose to be caring for his child.  I'd shoot for that full custody with supervised visits until he matures and proves he can handle parenthood.  I'm all for dad in a child's life and think it is important---  but dad has to be a dad too.  Just my opinion.

[atmen7]

This is my grandson that the father did this in front of. My daughter wants him to have to be held accountable for this and have supervised visitation till he deals with his sexual problem. He has gotten to where he would just start masterbating where ever and when ever he felt the need. He was even starting to expect weird things from my daughter. we are trying to get her custody court ordered. ( visitation and all that stuff)
Health and welfare are involved and they find this absolutly wrong, they are going to offer him counsling, but it will be voluntary. All we want is to make sure of the babies safty. It's still shocking that all this happened. I don't think it would have been so shocking if the boyfriend wouldn't have made the excues's like "All guy's do it." And it's totally normal that nothing is wrong with it."
Thank you for your opinion.

[heyjude1]

How does your daughter feel about this?  What does she want to do?

Personally, I agree with you that he should not be masterbating with the baby in the room and would be horrifiied he did this in front of the child ,but legally, I don't think you have a leg to stand on.  

You say you are trying to get custody of the little girl, is this your daughter or the grandparents?  Regardless, I would fight for the supervised visitation. But, this is just my opinion.  What does your lawyer say?