Aa
Abusive ex partner
I lived with my ex for 2 years and had a baby during this time. He used to be very jealous by not wanting me to talk to other men and wear a ring on my wedding finger while I was at work. He went everywhere I went and didn't like me going anywhere on my own.
When my baby was born for the first 2 weeks he did all the nappy changes, took turns on a night and helped around the house. At 2 weeks old it was his turn to do the nights and I remember him kicking me to wake me up and he was like a mad man screaming and swearing because the baby had been sick on him. He gave me the baby and said he'd been nice and tried everything and the f*****g little b*****d had no consideration for him. He picked up the baby bottle and flung it as hard as he could across the room. My baby was only being sick because he'd fed her 4 bottles to keep her quiet. He refused to help out with any nights ever again and didn't want anything to do with her.
His behaviour got worse he screamed and swore for me to shut that f*****g baby up told me he hated her and she had ruined his life. He quit his job because he said if he continued to work he would end up ill in hospital and he would end up dead. He slept all day and he knew I was getting an hour or 2 sleep during the night and would tell me he was tired from over sleeping.
He had 3 cats that were trying to jump up at the baby all the time and get in her cot and he refused to get rid of them because they were there first and the baby was last in. He head-butted the door and screamed at me because my baby was crying for a bottle.
I told him I was leaving and he cried saying his health would get worse and he would die if I left. He said if I never mentioned all the screaming and swearing to anyone that he would change. I gave him a second chance but after a couple of weeks his behaviour got twice as bad. My baby wouldn't let him pick her up and if he tried she cried. He told me he had that much anger inside that he could punch and punch the person who had wound him up and he could even kill.
I took my baby to my parents for a week and I decided to leave him. My parents came with me to collect my stuff and my baby saw her father and started screaming and trying to get away from him I couldn't get her to stop crying until she couldn't see or hear him.
It is now a year after I've left him and he has admitted via an email that he has hit and nipped her when she was just 6 months old. He said he hit her because she was shouting too loud and he nipped her because she nipped him first. He has now decided that he wants to see my baby and has got himself a solicitor. I refused any contact because of him physically abusing her and my baby is petrified of him. I've spoken with social services and the police but they said he can take me to court to fight for access. My midwife reported him to social services for his behaviour during her visit after my baby was born.
I'm trying to get advice on how to stop him getting any visitation to my baby.
When my baby was born for the first 2 weeks he did all the nappy changes, took turns on a night and helped around the house. At 2 weeks old it was his turn to do the nights and I remember him kicking me to wake me up and he was like a mad man screaming and swearing because the baby had been sick on him. He gave me the baby and said he'd been nice and tried everything and the f*****g little b*****d had no consideration for him. He picked up the baby bottle and flung it as hard as he could across the room. My baby was only being sick because he'd fed her 4 bottles to keep her quiet. He refused to help out with any nights ever again and didn't want anything to do with her.
His behaviour got worse he screamed and swore for me to shut that f*****g baby up told me he hated her and she had ruined his life. He quit his job because he said if he continued to work he would end up ill in hospital and he would end up dead. He slept all day and he knew I was getting an hour or 2 sleep during the night and would tell me he was tired from over sleeping.
He had 3 cats that were trying to jump up at the baby all the time and get in her cot and he refused to get rid of them because they were there first and the baby was last in. He head-butted the door and screamed at me because my baby was crying for a bottle.
I told him I was leaving and he cried saying his health would get worse and he would die if I left. He said if I never mentioned all the screaming and swearing to anyone that he would change. I gave him a second chance but after a couple of weeks his behaviour got twice as bad. My baby wouldn't let him pick her up and if he tried she cried. He told me he had that much anger inside that he could punch and punch the person who had wound him up and he could even kill.
I took my baby to my parents for a week and I decided to leave him. My parents came with me to collect my stuff and my baby saw her father and started screaming and trying to get away from him I couldn't get her to stop crying until she couldn't see or hear him.
It is now a year after I've left him and he has admitted via an email that he has hit and nipped her when she was just 6 months old. He said he hit her because she was shouting too loud and he nipped her because she nipped him first. He has now decided that he wants to see my baby and has got himself a solicitor. I refused any contact because of him physically abusing her and my baby is petrified of him. I've spoken with social services and the police but they said he can take me to court to fight for access. My midwife reported him to social services for his behaviour during her visit after my baby was born.
I'm trying to get advice on how to stop him getting any visitation to my baby.
Yes I live in Great Britain. I've had security lights fit on the house and a lockable letterbox but these don't really protect us from anything. I am trying to find a new home for us to move to so he can't just turn up again.
I've changed all my telephone numbers and my baby is never let out of my sight, which is going to be annoying for her when she gets older but for peace of mind it's worth it.
She loves playing in the garden and I heard the gate open but I wasn't expecting anybody over so I picked her up and locked us in the house to find it was just the window cleaner (stupid I know). It's not very nice at the minute not knowing if he stands a chance of any supervised contact. It would be a lot better knowing we could completely forget about him and make a new life for ourselves where my baby is safe and happy.
I've changed all my telephone numbers and my baby is never let out of my sight, which is going to be annoying for her when she gets older but for peace of mind it's worth it.
She loves playing in the garden and I heard the gate open but I wasn't expecting anybody over so I picked her up and locked us in the house to find it was just the window cleaner (stupid I know). It's not very nice at the minute not knowing if he stands a chance of any supervised contact. It would be a lot better knowing we could completely forget about him and make a new life for ourselves where my baby is safe and happy.
Are you in Great Britain? I'm in America but my mother and all other relatives are from Wimbledon All I know is you are dealing with a very dangerous person and you need to take your child and yourself FAR away from him. You need to be scared of this person and any contact he has with you and your child I'd potentially life threatening Please be careful and keep your child close...this Is a dangerous person.,,,,..
If he is that crazy, it seems as though you might want to go to a woman's shelter and never let him know where you are again.
I agree with the others....get a restraining order on him he does sound unpredictable and dangerous .
Thank you for your very helpful comments.
I sit and think back to how he was and realise how many warning signs I've missed. I feel guilty for keeping my baby around him long enough that it has affected her confidence around men. I thought I was doing right at the time trying to help him and let him get to know his daughter, when he was waiting till my back was turned and hurting her. There are things that happened that I won't ever forget and some things are like it only happened yesterday.
I know my little girl will need a long time to get over what has happened. I know she was probably too young to remember what has been done to her but she thinks she needs to fear men and its finding out a way to help her overcome her fears which is proving near on impossible at the minute.
I'm trying to find somewhere new to live so he can't just turn up one day. I have seen him fall out with his neighbour and he urinated in a squirty bottle and sprayed their front door through their letterbox and in their shoes that they left out after walking the dog. I've seen him laugh saying he had scratched their car. He wiped cat poo under the car door handles. The neighbour accidentally walked into him and he came in head-butted and punched the door and started smashing the house up. The upstairs neighbour did comment that he heard him screaming for me to pick that f*****g thing up which was actually the baby. When the neighbour moved out he tried to find them online, he drove round housing estates where the man worked near, he wanted to sit outside his works on a dark night and follow him home so he could threaten him and get revenge because he reckons they had made his life hell while they lived there.
He stayed up all night till nearly 4am and the next day he told me that he had bought an item off eBay and he was having trouble returning it so he went on google found out where the lady lived, worked and her email address and he had tried guessing her passwords to PayPal and eBay. He said he had over a few days made silent calls at all hours of the night, emailed her pages that said refund repeatedly, contacted hr where she worked saying she owed him money and asked for it to be taken out of her wages and emailed her at work. He also signed her up to catalogues and email sites. I tried to report it to the police but they said the complaint needed to be made by the person themselves.
The day before I left him he told me to put my baby's hand in a cup of hot water to let her burn herself because she always wanted to grab his coffee mug.
I know he is a very unpredictable and unstable person and he stops at nothing to do something to people who have upset him. He has had an harassment warning to stay away from myself but a couple of days later he was silent calling my house and emailing me to say he never wanted us to split up and he had treat me and the baby bad but it wasn't his fault it was because he was very ill and the neighbours wound him up and he wanted to just kill them.
Sorry for such a long reply.
I sit and think back to how he was and realise how many warning signs I've missed. I feel guilty for keeping my baby around him long enough that it has affected her confidence around men. I thought I was doing right at the time trying to help him and let him get to know his daughter, when he was waiting till my back was turned and hurting her. There are things that happened that I won't ever forget and some things are like it only happened yesterday.
I know my little girl will need a long time to get over what has happened. I know she was probably too young to remember what has been done to her but she thinks she needs to fear men and its finding out a way to help her overcome her fears which is proving near on impossible at the minute.
I'm trying to find somewhere new to live so he can't just turn up one day. I have seen him fall out with his neighbour and he urinated in a squirty bottle and sprayed their front door through their letterbox and in their shoes that they left out after walking the dog. I've seen him laugh saying he had scratched their car. He wiped cat poo under the car door handles. The neighbour accidentally walked into him and he came in head-butted and punched the door and started smashing the house up. The upstairs neighbour did comment that he heard him screaming for me to pick that f*****g thing up which was actually the baby. When the neighbour moved out he tried to find them online, he drove round housing estates where the man worked near, he wanted to sit outside his works on a dark night and follow him home so he could threaten him and get revenge because he reckons they had made his life hell while they lived there.
He stayed up all night till nearly 4am and the next day he told me that he had bought an item off eBay and he was having trouble returning it so he went on google found out where the lady lived, worked and her email address and he had tried guessing her passwords to PayPal and eBay. He said he had over a few days made silent calls at all hours of the night, emailed her pages that said refund repeatedly, contacted hr where she worked saying she owed him money and asked for it to be taken out of her wages and emailed her at work. He also signed her up to catalogues and email sites. I tried to report it to the police but they said the complaint needed to be made by the person themselves.
The day before I left him he told me to put my baby's hand in a cup of hot water to let her burn herself because she always wanted to grab his coffee mug.
I know he is a very unpredictable and unstable person and he stops at nothing to do something to people who have upset him. He has had an harassment warning to stay away from myself but a couple of days later he was silent calling my house and emailing me to say he never wanted us to split up and he had treat me and the baby bad but it wasn't his fault it was because he was very ill and the neighbours wound him up and he wanted to just kill them.
Sorry for such a long reply.
He was not your husband, so has no automatic legal right to the child, he will definitely have to prove his way in. You have to record everything that you can remember happened between you (the way you did above) and possibly get some witnesses who can corroborate everything, his boss at work, your neighbor, definitely the social worker or nurse or doctor, or whomever. It is not impossible to do this. Definitely get a restraining order (if that is what they have where you are). He sounds like he will not draw the line at harming you or the baby.
I am so glad that you did the right thing and that you and the baby are safe, that is the most important thing. As for him seeing her, you will have to go down to the courthouse (have your Mom watch the baby) you will be there a couple hours. You petition the judge for temporary restraining order for you and the baby. Then you petition for a year, and on & on. Until he shows the court (in writting) that he has completed his anger management and gotten a doctor for whatever his problem is, he shouldn't be around her at all. (My opinion) Anyone who would hit a baby is especially in need of a psychiatrist. In the meantime, you are free. You can begin to start the rest of your life without him. He is a sociopath, and he for sure has anger and rage issues. Never trust this man alone. You are in a very vulnerable position right now so be careful. I wish you all the luck in the world!
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