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Age when first sexually abused
For those members who are survivors of sexual abuse, either long term or short term, by strangers or Persons of trust or family....
How old were you the first time it happened to you?
Estimates are fine - I estimate my abuse by knowing when I began to act out in school, causing the school to force my parents to send me for therapy - but in 1960, even children's therapists didn't ask about t sexual abuse..
How old were you the first time it happened to you?
Estimates are fine - I estimate my abuse by knowing when I began to act out in school, causing the school to force my parents to send me for therapy - but in 1960, even children's therapists didn't ask about t sexual abuse..
My neighbor abused me from the age of 6 until I was 13. I always thought it was me. He started out slowly and within a year or two I was being sexually abused by him everyday. He would abuse me in other ways too. He made sure I would come over to his house and if I did not show up he would call my house and ask me where I was and why I was not at his house. He would make me feel guilty as if I did something wrong. I would spend the entire afternoon over at his house and then run home at around 5pm. Why was my mother not wondering where I was? he was in his 50's when he started this. It has made me completely overly sexual for my age at the time and throughout my adult life. I was always trying to please men I felt I had to. I'm 58 now and still I am always the one trying to please. It's been like this my entire life and I have had a successful career.
My abuse started when I was around 3-4 and didn't stop until I moved out at 19 years old.
Hi.I don't have a therapist.You may have confused me with someone else on that.My mother was born into money and she was NEVER abused as a child!! As a adult though she is a ***** she sleep's with anything and dosen't have anything to do with me and my children but sit's around and tell's it like it's my fault and poor her.She want's everyone to feel sorry for her i could go on all nite and it wouldn't get me anywhere.She makes m sick just flat sick.P.s. she had a greatchild~hood more like perfect she even went as far as saying she was embarsed as a child because their family had money.When she started having sex with every tom **** and hairy she kept getting preg and would abort the baby's so when she got preg with me she had just had a ABORTION AND COULD NOT ABORT ME SO I THINK SHE JUST DIDN'T WANT ME AND I SURE HATED HER ANYWAY OK .Sorry for the cap's forgot to turnthem off.
hi
i wa abused reguarly by my older cousin from 8 it lasted 2.5 years ,
at 10 i told my mother wat was going on and she did nothing at all,
doesnt do alot for a childs confidence something i have struggled with ever since ,,.
i wa abused reguarly by my older cousin from 8 it lasted 2.5 years ,
at 10 i told my mother wat was going on and she did nothing at all,
doesnt do alot for a childs confidence something i have struggled with ever since ,,.
Is it rape when your in a relationship and I made the choice to do it? I was 14 and I wasnt into boys or relationships but he kept bugging me and would not give up. So I finally give in and when the sex talk came up I only did it cuz he wanted me to and then the obsessive and verbal abuse became overwhelming. I was 14 he was 19 but we were dating and I did agree to do it in the beginning. then he made me feel bad cuz he said im your boyfriend and you dont want to touch me. I could have told someone but I didnt know how. and now Im 36 and have been in so many relationships and I end all of them and I dont know why.
It doesn't upset me,I have worked through all my feelings I've had over the years that stemmed from the abuse,I am now a happy well balanced person that understands what happened to me was never my fault,I live my life to try and help others now,in abuse,addiction,depression and anxiety
Narla, I'm sorry if this upsets you, but the stuff that happened to you when you were 14 was abuse. A 14 year old cannot consent, except to another 14 or 15 year old. That woman was a busing you, and the men she "introduced" you to were, too. They could have gone to prison for it, and you saying "I consented" would not have done them any good, If anything, it would have been used against them as further evidence.
Even if you were 14 and you had a boyfriend who was 25, and he talked you into having sex, the law defines that as a form of rape, since a teenager may think she;s mature enough to allow a man to use her, bu the law knows she is not.
Even if you were 14 and you had a boyfriend who was 25, and he talked you into having sex, the law defines that as a form of rape, since a teenager may think she;s mature enough to allow a man to use her, bu the law knows she is not.
I think you have mixed mine and kittycats stories up,I was abused by my brother kittycat was abused by a neighbour.
I don't want you to misunderstand and think I'm defending that woman, Kitty, but there is one alternative you and your therapist might not have thought of that I did: she might have been a victim of the same men herself, or a survivor of her own childhood abuse, unable to to move. Just a suggestion. Your therapist's suggestion is just as valid.
Just remember that you are a SURVIVOR.
I can identify with wanting a cookie baking mom. My late mother had a lot of good qualities, but cooking was NOT one of them. We used to say, when i was a kid, that if the Good Lord added a day to the week, mom'd be in trouble,since she only knew 7 recipes. She admitted that she didn't know how to boil water when she married dad, who had to teach her how to make coffee. Her mom had run a speakeasy when she was small, so she was banned from the lower floor, including the kitchen. After her parents broke up and grandma was diagnosed wit breast cancer back when they didn't have many treatments for it, (She died in 1934) my mom was still a kid, so she and my mom lived with my mom's older, married sisters, and after her mom died, she was a sort of nanny to her 2 nephews. Never got to learn to cook. I learned to cook as a teenager "in self defense".
After I graduated college, my father's work took him back to Florida (I was born in Key West, but we moved to NYC when I was a baby) The first time I visited them down there, I was chatting with some of her new friends in her dining room while standing in the doorway to the kitchen. I was unaware that there was a door from the backyard to the garage, and had not heard mom come in the garage door to the kitchen. They saw her standing behind me and said "I guess you're glad to be down here for some good home cooked food.",
"Not really" I said "I'm a much better cook than Mom is."
Shocked, one of them said "How can you say that?!"
Mom peeked out around from behind me and said "Because it's true. He IS a better cook than me. Too bad he hasn't learn to use my electric stove yet."
Kitty, parents believe what they choose to believe. Your mom may have had a lot of hopes for your brother, and believing he was a rapist would have ruined her relationship with him. You're lucky your dad believes.
I was never able to tell my parents about my abuse, since it was by strangers. There were two incidents; the first was the nephew of a "babysitter:, the mother of a classmate my mother knew from the PTA, so mom would have felt bad about trusting this woman to care for me. The truth is: the nephew had abused the woman's son, too. She had no idea what he was like. No one talked about sexual abuse, especially pederasts, in 1960.
I began to act strange in school after the 2 incidents. The school didn't ask questions;they just told my parents I needed professional counseling. The counselors & therapists never asked about sexual abuse. Today, when a 10 year old child's behavior suddenly changes and there is nothing physically wrong with him, that's the FIRST thing they ask about- IT'S THE LAW IN ALMOST EVERY STATE. Even a dental hygienist who notices bruises or loose teeth or something the kid says is MANDATED by law to report suspected (physical) abuse to the state here in New York State.
Hopefully, 20 years from now, this same dialogue will be about the heroic medical staff and neighbors who called in the state. Sure, Child Protective Services mess up and leave some abused kids with their families. But most sexual abuse leaves physical evidence, and can usually be found by a specialist medical exam (my second abuse involved only oral sex, so would not have left any evidence after a few hours - since a group was involved, they could have pumped my stomach for semen)
All WE can do is be here for each other, and support each other
And tell an occasional funny story to lighten the day. Our lives have been so darkened by what happened to us that we often loose our sense of humor. Getting a chuckle back is the best way of getting back at the bastards. (Pardon my language)
Just remember that you are a SURVIVOR.
I can identify with wanting a cookie baking mom. My late mother had a lot of good qualities, but cooking was NOT one of them. We used to say, when i was a kid, that if the Good Lord added a day to the week, mom'd be in trouble,since she only knew 7 recipes. She admitted that she didn't know how to boil water when she married dad, who had to teach her how to make coffee. Her mom had run a speakeasy when she was small, so she was banned from the lower floor, including the kitchen. After her parents broke up and grandma was diagnosed wit breast cancer back when they didn't have many treatments for it, (She died in 1934) my mom was still a kid, so she and my mom lived with my mom's older, married sisters, and after her mom died, she was a sort of nanny to her 2 nephews. Never got to learn to cook. I learned to cook as a teenager "in self defense".
After I graduated college, my father's work took him back to Florida (I was born in Key West, but we moved to NYC when I was a baby) The first time I visited them down there, I was chatting with some of her new friends in her dining room while standing in the doorway to the kitchen. I was unaware that there was a door from the backyard to the garage, and had not heard mom come in the garage door to the kitchen. They saw her standing behind me and said "I guess you're glad to be down here for some good home cooked food.",
"Not really" I said "I'm a much better cook than Mom is."
Shocked, one of them said "How can you say that?!"
Mom peeked out around from behind me and said "Because it's true. He IS a better cook than me. Too bad he hasn't learn to use my electric stove yet."
Kitty, parents believe what they choose to believe. Your mom may have had a lot of hopes for your brother, and believing he was a rapist would have ruined her relationship with him. You're lucky your dad believes.
I was never able to tell my parents about my abuse, since it was by strangers. There were two incidents; the first was the nephew of a "babysitter:, the mother of a classmate my mother knew from the PTA, so mom would have felt bad about trusting this woman to care for me. The truth is: the nephew had abused the woman's son, too. She had no idea what he was like. No one talked about sexual abuse, especially pederasts, in 1960.
I began to act strange in school after the 2 incidents. The school didn't ask questions;they just told my parents I needed professional counseling. The counselors & therapists never asked about sexual abuse. Today, when a 10 year old child's behavior suddenly changes and there is nothing physically wrong with him, that's the FIRST thing they ask about- IT'S THE LAW IN ALMOST EVERY STATE. Even a dental hygienist who notices bruises or loose teeth or something the kid says is MANDATED by law to report suspected (physical) abuse to the state here in New York State.
Hopefully, 20 years from now, this same dialogue will be about the heroic medical staff and neighbors who called in the state. Sure, Child Protective Services mess up and leave some abused kids with their families. But most sexual abuse leaves physical evidence, and can usually be found by a specialist medical exam (my second abuse involved only oral sex, so would not have left any evidence after a few hours - since a group was involved, they could have pumped my stomach for semen)
All WE can do is be here for each other, and support each other
And tell an occasional funny story to lighten the day. Our lives have been so darkened by what happened to us that we often loose our sense of humor. Getting a chuckle back is the best way of getting back at the bastards. (Pardon my language)
I understand your dream of a cooking,baking mum,wouldn't it be nice,
I told my parents when I was 26 what my brother did,they believed him and assumed I was having false memories,now I'm 48 and my mother is dead my father finally believes me,but it took a lot of explaining why I never said anything earlier.
I told my parents when I was 26 what my brother did,they believed him and assumed I was having false memories,now I'm 48 and my mother is dead my father finally believes me,but it took a lot of explaining why I never said anything earlier.
I was 11 and the neighbor that was abt 34~35 starting having sex with me.He had watched me grow up as a child sicko.What is even sicker is my mother knew what was going on and didn't give a damn.Im kinda glad i had such a horriable mother becuz it taught me how to be a better mother to my children.Still alway's wish for the cooking baking mom but as i have aged i relize it's a dream so i keep it because it's a nice one.Ha kitty
I was nine and it led on to years of abuse not just from him but other men, was sexually assaulted last year, so its still happening and i blame the person who started it.
I was raped at the age of 13. It was a very life changing thing and the most horrendous day of my life so far.
I was abused by my brother starting at age 7,then at 14 I was used by men aged 25 to 55 on a regular basis,an older woman aged 28 introduced them to me,she also used me for her own gratification,at this time it was consensual,it took me until I was 48 to forgive myself and realise what they were doing was wrong and that they were using me.My therapist believes the woman was probably getting paid by these guys,who knows?was I a prostitute at 14.
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