This isn't a question but a comment for any women who's been abused. I am a survivor of domestic violence and I want any women experiencing an abusive partner that u do not deserve to be hit . It'll be a yr in march since I left my ex and even kno it hasn't been easy for me at all I stayed strong because I knew I deserved better !!!!! I was pregnant and that didn't matter he still beat the crap out of me , I was even put in the hospital 2 different times once I thought he broke my arm and the other he threw a camera at me luckily it hit my hand and not my belly . He almost killed my kitten too he threw her into the wall but a vet saved her. This dude put a knife to my neck n threatened to kill me if I ever left him n because he was a gang member I thought I'd be dead for sure n honestly I still worry that his people will Finnish me off . I left him when he was put in jail that's the only thing that saved my life since then he got 5 yrs in prison n has 2 new cases because he can't stop contacting me !!! I want any female going threw the same situation that I did that no man will change , I've heard the oh please baby give me one more chance I promise ill never hit u again speech n all this is bs and lies !!!!!!! U deserve better !!!! Get help there are domestic violence shelters everywhere it happens a lot more than ull kno . If u need someone to talk to I'm here Ima survivor!!!
I now have a wonderful husband who love me to death I am is world n we are expecting our first child this Aug !!!! He would protect me until the day he dies n has promised me nobody will ever hurt me again !!!!!
Congrats. I too was in an abusive relationship and is now living happy wuth a daugther and a son on the way and a man that live me and will protect me and our children. We are getting married next month. It has beend a year since I had left my ex as well due to the fact I couldnt take the abusing me and my daughter. (Oh his is my daughters father). So I just up and left him. He done just about the same things. I'm glad I left and didnt stay. Cause there was a man out there for me and my daughter. So I would advise any women in an abusive relationship to get out as soon as you can. I am a survivor too. If we can do it. So can any women. Just be strong.
Glad to hear that!!!! I'm expecting another baby in Aug from my husband ,my 2 sons aren't my hubby but he loves them as they were his own . Because of the abuse my ex can't see his sons every again he's actually signing his rites over this spring :)
Maybe all potential victims of abuse (not just mates) share the traits. I notice that the child most often abused in a family tends to be more tender and gentle than his siblings. He is also more given to self-doubt; that is, he feels at least partly responsible.
Thank you Jen for bringing up this subject and allowing us a view to your success story. For the ladies that have followed suite, congratulations, and those in the wings, YES, it's possible to move on to a loving partner for yourself and your children.
I love the fact that this thread is discussing the reasons for co-dependence. While we're in abusive relationships, it obvious to us our partner's role, but often we are not able to look at our own nature that is allowing the abuse in the first place. Ladies, and men, the most important thing here is to learn how to identify very early on that your relationship with an abusive partner must be stopped, before they consider they own you. I know how difficult it is. The one that you want to love, will not let you go, and that gives us hope that things will change. If it was you, you would mean your apology and you would change. But it is false hope that an abuser will changed. We're raised to believe in an apology, and forgive, but we're dealing , many times , with psychopaths who, characteristically have shallow emotions (including reduced fear, a lack of empathy, and stress tolerance), coldheartedness, egocentricity, superficial charm, manipulativeness, irresponsibility, impulsivity, criminality, antisocial behavior, a lack of remorse, and a parasitic lifestyle.
Co-dependence involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others and can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships, It is characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.
Most importantly, we must removed our children from an abusive relationship, always. Our children become victims of becoming an abuser or the abused. What else would they know to do? One parent must get a handle on the facts underlying in their relationship, in order to break this cycle of dependence.
I'm another who suffered from physical abuse in my first marriage, for many years too long. How different my life would have been had i had the strength to leave? Thank God for Medhelp that it joins us all in this fight for our lives. Thanks again for posting, and please, if you are suffering from abuse, educate yourself, and know that you're not alone. Use the services that are now available to save you and your children. God Bless.
If anyone needs to talk, please feel free to message anyone that they might feel comfortable with. It really helps to tell your secret.
I was not in anyway abused as a child , my ex grew up seeing his mother get her *** beat on a daily basis I've even seen my ex hit his mother !! It was him who had the issues it was never anything I did or that happened to me when I was a kid. My mother and father were always great parents never drank or did drugs I was not raised in the ghetto so that theory is not always true
There is often something to explore internally with someone that doesn't leave the first time a hit, kick, or slap happens. Healthy emotional response would be to make that your deal breaker and to leave. When one doesn't and the abuse intensifies, it becomes a viscious cycle in which both partners are participating. I love when someone breaks the cycle but it is really important to look at why one didn't leave early on. Often manipulation and fear can keep someone there. I always hope people take their time in dating and build a solid foundation, see the person they are with for who they are and critique them along the way to see if they are worthy of us. Leave if they aren't. Date slowly, do not rush into relationships and immediately be 'in' one so that you can see what the person is like before the stakes get so high and it is harder to leave (such as having a child).
Glad for all women that get out. One must be careful though as this is often a pattern---- and it can repeat. The same situation can reoccur wtih a new partner in a different package. Therapy, if possible, is a good idea after being in an abusive relationship. luck to all. Stay safe. Don't settle for anyone that is not worthy of you.
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