Am I being emotionally abused?

I am 20 years old.
My mother always did punish me when I was younger by spanking me, yelling and cursing at me, calling me names like 'b****' 'lazy ***' 'fat ***' and threatening to punish or hit me to the point of domestic violence like 'beat the hell out of you with my bare hands' or 'break out the belt and whip your ***' if I ever disobeyed her, no matter, whatever the reason why I did what I did.

When she speaks to me, she always speaks in a manner that's so inconsistent that you can't even tell if she's being serious or being funny unless she gives out some sort of hint that she's making a joke (which she rarely); it's like they're just words spoken with no clear emotion to it or come to me.

I've had some a bit of trouble in elementary school, being slightly slower than the kids in my class and I had to get some extra help to keep up but for some reason, she always (and still does)call me 'stupid' or a 'retard' when I didn't talk like how she wanted me to talk or when sometimes the words in my head didn't come out fully through my mouth.

At probably 6 or 7, I was a skinny girl (to my shock, since for all my life I have always been obsese.) and always ate right until my grandmother fed me and got me addicted to the wrong types of food to eat. For example, 'I ate 8x8 whole pizzas and sweets and coffee and cold drinks almost everytime I visited my grandmother and my late grandfather. She knew about my horrible diet but never did a thing about it until my weight became so dangerous high as a child that the doctor told my mom that I need to get the weight off if I didn't want to have any problems and complications. It was until after that day, that my mom started her insults and criticism calling me 'fat' 'rolly polly' 'big bertha' (I especially felt hated and worthless when she sucked in and puffed her cheeks while she imitated a fat person) or any other hurtful insult about my weight. She said to my face a few times that she hates fat people 'They do nothin' but sit on they ***** and eat,eat,eat.' She criticises me about not exercising enough and having a bad diet when I'm more active and have a higher endurance then her and eat mostly healthy food and on an occassion I indulge a bit.

A while ago, my doctor prescribed pills as an alternative to get the weight off and so far, it's worked better than anything I've tried and managed to knock 14 pounds off in 3 months.

She has cycles of being a kind and sweet mother to being a cruel,selfish,vain she-devil and not even my own father could put a stop to her frightening behavior.

Everytime I try to have a calm conversation or ask a simple question, she always (for as long as I can remember) gave answers with hurtful comments attached or cut me off when I'm half-done (which she always does) and when at times, I call her out on it, she feigns ignorance and gets shocked telling me that I don't know what I am talking about either saying I'm just having a quote on quote 'calm' conversation or I'm just teasing you or the classic 'I'm your mother' counterattack with a twist saying that she'll punch the f*** out of me and throw me out if I get 'flip' with her and not let her speak.

She's acts no different with my dad; she constantly puts him down or treats him like a slave. She always demands for his attention and always gives him work to do even when he's sick or exhausted; when my dad takes a break from work or enjoys a day to himself, she calls him 'lazy' and 'selfish' always assuming that he's out with his other woman(which I pretty damn know he doesn't have). He's at his wit's end with her always loosing his temper with her everytime she calls him to do something. When he tries to ask her why she make him work all the time and not rest, she disregards him saying that 'I have the right to do that. I'm your wife.'

Everytime she calls me or dad, it's always an interrogation like where are you, who are you with,, or what were we doing or what time are you coming home.

What I hate even more is that when I do something for her, she almost never appreciates it. When she asks for a glass of water and I give to her, she says you didn't put it in the right glass!' Then goes on a rant about how she's always working her *** off for us and picking up after us saying that she feels like she lives with 2 year olds and how we never listen to her. Yet, I do house chores, keep my room straight, give her an open ear, give her advice when she asks for it(she makes me organize her paperwork that she refuses to do herself or by herself!) while she only comes home from work to sleep, eat, and criticize everything that I or my dad is doing wrong.

It's like no matter what I do for her, it's never enough.

I'm starting to lose my mind.

[68suezq]

your not going crazy. i live with some one like that.its not you its them .let me guess. when your mom is in a good mood every thing is fine .when she is in a bad mood or just being normal.she has a problem with everything .half the things she complains about probaly dont make sence.one day she will be mad because you had a late phone call. the next week she will say its ok.dont let it get to you.just. dont grow up that way.brush it off you cant help her.when you get out the house then you can have your own life.egnore as much as u can with out causing a proublem.as far as your weight goes.only you can help your self.dont let what other people say bother you.i know some one that has been big her whole life .you might want to talk to her.her name is 318marry.send her a message.she doesnt  get on all the time but she will mail you back.

[D626]

I was gonna add more to my story on another post but I'm relieved that my sanity hasn't slipped yet. And yeah, it's exactly like what you described and I'm gonna try to find ways to keep more in control of myself when she gets into her moods so I won't lose it. I'll be sure to message her. Thanks for the comment, I really do appreciate it.

[RockRose]

When you were a child,  it certainly seems like abuse.  That much is clear.

You're an adult now and you can choose to not have her in your life.  It's your choice,  as an adult.    It's not abuse if you choose to interact with her now.  It's just called kind of a twisted relationship.

You can decide to put up with a twisted relationship,  or you can choose not to interact with her.  It's your choice.

[kenneltech]

I was horribly abused by my mother for many, many years.  It wasn't just physical or mental, it was every kind of abuse imagineable.  So, when I got older, I just decided, the ONLY TIME THIS WOMAN CAN ABUSE ME IS IF I LET HER!

You are older now, why are you letting her continue to abuse you?  I can tell you why, it's for acceptance and you are afraid she's gonna "not love you," right?

Respect yourself and she will either respect you also or she will stop abusing you.  When she gets obnoxious or verbally abusive, dont' acknowledge it, just get up and walk away, period!!  Don't let her have that power over you anymore because she will never stop.

It's your turn to take control of your life, and you don't have to put up with it anymore.  Besides, if she decides not to be around you anymore, what have you lost?  Being abused?   That would probably be the best thing that could ever happen to you.