Am I wrong??

I am a 29 yr old female and I have major issues with my mother. I grew up in a strict household to where I've felt that I couldn't do anything most of the time. It wasn't always bad times in my parents home but it wasn't always good times either. My mother and I had ....key word "had" a really good mother/daughter relationship until a few years back when my father decided to have his mother come live with us. My mother won't admit it nor acknowledge that her attitude towards a lot of things have changed since my grandmother starting living with us. My major issue with my mother has always been with me dating. She always made me feel like every man I dated wasn't good enough or "saved" enough for her. So I'd always cut my relationships short just to keep peace. Well now I'm in a relationship with this man that I really care for and have stuck with for almost 2 years now. My mother hates him. Everytime his name comes up she has an attitude and hostility towards him. My boyfriend never done anything to disrespect my parents. Although they both feel like he doesn't support me (because he doesn't attend church with me) and that he's not the one that God has for me. I don't understand all of this hatred and hostility that my mother has towards him. When I try to ask her why she felt the way that she did... I get this whole bit on how he's lying to me and how he's going to knock me up and leave me like she so claimed he did in his previous relationship. And everytime I try to stand up for him and let her know that he's not a bad person...I being told that I'm justifying for him and I'm being blinded by the devil (oh yeah my parents are in the church heavily) I've even been told that I am allowing my boyfriend to come between my family and I which I don't see how if I try not to speak about him around her. I don't understand how is it that my mother can call me out  and tell me what she think I am but when I called her out and told her how can she love the Lord and be a woman of God when you have so much anger and bitterness in your heart towards one person??? Was I wrong for telling my mother about herself??

I thought by trying to resolve our differences would help me to bring peace within my soul but I'm beginning to see that all it has ever done is cause more pain and anguist. I felt that I was doing the right thing by speaking to my mother about how I felt and how I've been feeling. But all I've gotten was a black eye, a busted lip and a don't ever come to my house ever again and don't you ever bring that little boy to my house!! I'm at my wits end and I don't know what else to do as I'll be 30 soon and I don't want to deal with these issues in my 30's.

[mcmcorp45]

No you are not wrong. Sometimes people need to be told how they are acting is wrong. There seems to some issues there with your mother that she has to deal with. You do not deserve this treatment, if you love the man thats all that matters. This is not how a mother should treat their daughter at all, I used to be a religious person but I can tell you a person of the lord would not act like this. I can quote a million bible passages but it does not matter anyways what matters is your view your feeling because in the end its your life! Keep loving your mother but do not let yourself be abused in anyway. Hope this helps a bit. Good luck stay strong and love to be loved.

Matt

[jo929]

You are old enough to live your own life, but i feel like that you would like your parents approval before you do anything, but it seems you will not get it, so it is whether you love this guy enough to marry him and live your own life, maybe in time things will change , I cant tell you what is best for you because i do not know you, but your parents seem to be an important factor, and you seem afraid to go against them, but remember, it is your life and you have to live it as you see fit  luck  jo

[teko]

Well, I tell ya what.  I raised six kids, 3 boys and 3 girls.  I too brought them up in a strict environment.  They are all raised with children of their own now.  I told them up front if I liked or disliked someone that they were getting serious with. I also told them why I thought they were not compatible with each other. Some listened, some did not. In the long run, I was right.  The one that bothered me the most got involved with a meth addict and was married. She divorced, they got married, had babies and both did drugs for years until my dil overdosed and died. Now my son is raising 4 kids by himself.

Then the youngest girl got prego by her bf. His parents were ashamed of her and they lived in separate houses until she had the baby. Then all of a sudden she was acceptable, they got married and he started drinking heavily and beating her. I was against that one from the start also. She is now divorced with 3 children. Did she learn? No, she gets involved with a 20 year old dude with a child he is not allowed for whatever reason to see.  She gets pregnant and is contemplating living with him in another state. He has not worked a day in his life, but always gets money for tattoos, etc. The others, listened and have good mates and are happy.

Mothers and fathers tend to look further down the road of life than their children. They want them to be happy in the longrun.

Parents and their grown children also evolve into an adult relationship with each other too.  It sounds like this has not happened with you. I still tell my kids what I think and they either listen or they dont.  But as Mom, I still get to say it.  I am friends with my children and we respect each other, even when we disagree. You need to sit down with yours, find out why they dislike him and agree to disagree, then its on you.