Beyrayed

Have struggled with depression and anxiety for yrs and am being treated neglected and verbally abused by my spouse because she thinks I have control of the sysmptoms. She has joined a site that be-littles people with these problem. So she talks back and forth with these strangers about leaving their spouses and and breakinh up families. Does anyone have any advise to help deal with such disregard  and deciet ?

[allmymarbles]

Your depression spills over onto your wife. I am not excusing her heartless behavior, but you might consider that your depression is depressing for her.

[RockRose]

frankie,  when you say you're being "treated",  I can't tell from your message whether that means you're being treated medically/therapeutically for your depression and anxiety,  or whether the "treated" refers to how your wife treats you.

Are you seeing a therapist and doctor to overcome your depression and anxiety?    Have you found therapies that work,  and are you sticking to them?  

Best wishes.

[frankie569]

I am on zoloft and a few others but its my wife that treats me badly because of the low points I have. Eventhough she is in the medical field it seems she lacks compassion and actually punishes me more because of the way I feel.
PS I have never tried hypnotherapy and wonder if it is something that might help with depression and anxiety.

[teko]

Maybe she is the reason for your depression? I am only half joking here. With her being in the medical field she should be educated as to what depression is all about, I would think. With that said, and from one who has experienced clinical depression, I do know that it gets to a point where you see it coming so to speak. I would feel the fog settling in and knew at that point what was coming and prepared to do battle with it. People who are depressed for a long time has warnings when it is going to get bad. Then you ride the tide and try not to make everyone around us as miserable as we are. lol

Maybe your wife in her own way is trying to tell you instead of succombing to it, you need to fight harder to control it? Not sure, but if the meds are not alleviating your symptoms they may need to be adjusted or something else added?

For me the big breakthru was realizing it is a chemical imbalance and treating it like the disease it was and not giving in to how it made me feel. In other words, if I felt like not getting up and dressed, I did it anyway. When I felt like I could not take a walk and just wanted to stay in bed, I walked anyway. Exercise is a great help as well as prayer and doing the opposite of what you feel. And that is downright HARD! But if you make yourself do it, it does help.

If all these suggestions do not help, you really might consider whether your wife is the reason your depressed! Seriously....

[allmymarbles]

Your depression spills over onto your wife. I am not excusing her heartless behavior, but you might consider that your depression is depressing for her.

[frankie569]

Thank you everyone. I am working at it all. Also I think we might need to move back to Oh with our family where we were raised. I am missing so many family functions etc.. The only thing thats making that idea hard is that my 10 yr old daughter does not want to move back to OH.. I dont know if i can stay here till JUne when schools out . Such tough decisions. I cant bear making her change schools during the year. I t just breaks my heart that I might have to do that. We been in FL 4 yrs but have no family here.

[teko]

Well Hi Neighbor! I am from Ohio as well, and so terribly miss the family, and like you, it gets so lonely. I cannot imagine moving back in cold weather tho! EW! You will freeze!!!!  Have you not noticed a difference in the climate with your depression? I have not been depressed since moving here, yet it was constant in the north. hmmm! Interesting Indeed!

[allmymarbles]

It is in the dark of winter that Swedes commit suicide. Even though I do not suffer from depression, in the winter my mood takes a dip. A Swede once proposed to me. I refused because I knew I could not exist in a very cold climate. New York/New Jersey is bad enough.

[frankie569]

Hi Teko , Actually I did notice a difference here in Fl and I always got very depressed in Oh in the winter.Thats one reason we moved here . The 1 st yr here I loved it here.  Then my father died in Oh and I wasn't there with him. Now everytime  go back to Oh to visit I get very depressed leaving the family all over again to return to Fl.. I did not spend the  last day with Dad and that haunts me. . Mom is still live there but cant travel . Two of my ant are sick. etcc.
Miss holidays and birthdays with family. If it hurts so much to leave them and then come back to Fl only to fall back into another kind of depression puts between a rock and a hard place if u know what I mean. I prob would not like winter but thinking maybe we would still be better off in Oh with Family and friends. Tough decision. Thank you for your input and any futher advise.

[frankie569]

I just wanted to add that the real reason we moved to FL from OH was because of the way my wifes family were treating us. My wife and I were love birds for the first 3 yrs of our marraige. Not even as much as an argument. We promised each other that we would never loose respect for one another and it was that way for 3 yrs. At the time my wife had a daughter that was 5yrs old and her bedroom was that of a hoarder that even the health department would have condemned. So one day I cleaned it all up. I kept everything and put it in bags. When my wife got home and looked at the cleaned room she went ballistic like I have never seen. She became very meaan and nasty and very vicious. I could not believe it. After that she never respected me again. She refused to be my swetheart from that point foward and a very good marraige went down hill ever since. It didnt take long for her family who I loved dearlyto  see her new attitude toward me and then they began treating me the same way. This went on for months then yrs. Thats why we moved to Fl , to get away from all the persicution. I will never understand how things could just go so bad when we had so much going for us.

[allmymarbles]

A child of five does not hoard unless her mother allows it or encourages it. What a very curious situation!

[teko]

Gee, I am not familiar with the hoarding syndrome, but the problems it caused makes more sense while describing how your wifes attitude has changed. Have you tried relationship counseling? I would also caution that moving the child in the middle of the school year could be devestating to her as well as the fact that the cold climate could cause additonal issues for you. Is there any way you could put off the move until spring? It is a huge decision with all the issues you describe. Not to mention you will be going back to the very situation that caused you to take flight in the first place. It is a juggling act for sure and I wish you all the luck in the world, and sincerely hope things improve. Weigh the pros and cons is all you can do and go from there!

[frankie569]

Thank you agin. We are going to marraige counciling for the 1st time next week. Hopefully its a start and if the meds would just start working and make me feel happy again we could continue on with happy blessed lifes.. About the 5 yr old room. It was the mother that was allowing such conditions. She also allowed the child to grow up without disipline or respect toward me. I wont even begin to tell u how this child treated me through the yrs and there was nothing I could do because she was only my step daughter.The child would poke her finger in my face screaming at me and the mother would just watch. etcc.. The child dropped out of school in 10grade , she has 3 children  and is  20yr old and the husband is also a drop out. They have no jobs.They r in oh. We do get along with them now.
   It just boggles my mind that a educated person being a pharmacist could just not see or refuse to see all that was happening .Several people tried to warn my wife but she just wouldnt listen. I could do nothing through the yrs . They (my wifes famly)would not let her have a relationship with her real dad and I was not allowed to disipline her or guide her in any way. I have a 10 yr old daughter and she knows she will always be under my guidness and she knows respect. I wish I could have been a real step dad to her but my wife was being controled by her family and her family was running the show, so speak.
Well my wife and I have a lot to resove with this counsiler i hope.