I'm a 35 year old mom of two,married and leaving in a different house,but still trying to work on marriage,but I feel like his emotional and verbal abuse still contiunes,I know I should cut all ties,but I just can't seem to let go,I'm confused and need some advice?
Well, I've been told that when someone says they are "confused," they're usually saying they know how something is, but don't want to accept it.
If he's continuing to act badly your direction, you have to decide whether or not there are any signs that he will stop doing so. He might not. What is your plan then? And how long will you wait to see if he somehow magically has a change of heart?
It might be helpful to talk to a counselor or a minister and see if you can get some insight.
Are you confused because mixed in the bad things about the marriage there were some things that were good? Are you confused because you cannot envision life as a single woman and what that entails? Are children involved?
I was also in an abusive marriage, and being the man in the marriage I tried to pretend I was not being abused ... not only by her, but also by her family as well. It took our marriage councilor to point this out to me .... I simply did not want it to be true and pretended it was not ...
What I ended up with was basically an imaginary wife that I put in front of the real one.
It was and still is very hard, even six years later I still have moments where I struggle ... however, recently I learned she was sleeping around a lot more then I had ever thought and that reality shook me up enough to see her for what she is and not what I wanted her to be ...
Now, I find her disgusting and it is getting a lot easier to move on.
What does tick me off, is that I trusted her some much and she was cheating which could have ended up with my getting an STD ... thankfully that did not happen, but it was a risk she put me at.
So time does not heal wounds, you cant just get past it ... everyone will be different in how they handle this sort of thing. Get with a good therepist and allow them to help you work it out, and get past the trauma of the break up.
I hope you do well, and for what ever it is worth ... after being with my ex for the better part of 14 years ... I am a better man now, a better Dad and certainly a better mate in my current relationship, for this bad experience I had with the ex wife... go figure huh
So how exactly are you both "trying to work on the marriage" . Many times ,in order to work on a marriage that's gone astray, it's necessary to invest in a marriage counselor, so that you individually know what part you play, and what's expect of you personally to make things better. If your husband hasn't changed, and there's emotional and verbal abuse it sounds like he doesn't have a clue on what needs to be done. If it were me, and I valued the relationship and wanted change, or at least needed closure to move on, it would be my first priority to get counseling. Where are you at on the subject?
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