Controlling guy or is it just me?

[dogcrazie892]

Hello,

so my boyfriend has started to make comments like "Oh why are you hurting me?" "Do you enjoy playing with my feelings?" "Do you really love me?"
He also kept accusing me of cheating, which I have never done and never will in my life. He gets obsessed about knowing all my problems and my past. Which I have told him already, but he is always convinced that I have more problems and secrets.
He says he has trust problems,but then says he trusts me, but then says again that he has trust problems. Hes always blaming me for arguments.
Only just recently, I have said to him that I chatted to a male workmate about something interesting. He suddenly got really paranoid and said "who is he, how old is he" etc. I explained to him that hes workmate and its professional.  Hes said that Im now not allowed to speak to other men.


I have had enough, he is blaming me for this... what do you think?

[ErikaBeil]

Good for dumping him, you do not need that in your life. Best of luck with your future!

[dogcrazie892]

Thanks people. I really appreciate it. I dumped the guy but hes still hoping to spend the future with me and win me back-NO WAY!

[Nighthawk61]

You haven't mentioned that you're living with him, so I take it you're not, so breaking up with him is probably a phone call away, so that's good. My advice to you is to always look for red flags, and when you find one have a plan for yourself to get out, if it is unacceptable to you. It sounds like you're not going to be able to take much more of this from this one guy. When it is over, reflect on whether you had any inkling of what was just below the surface, and try to read the men that come into your life. It sounds like this guy is just too immature. You're both probably pretty young and hopefully he too will learn what is acceptable. Though you may part, the relationship can be looked at as a learning tool by you both. I sure hope you heed the warning signs now, and find someone who is trustworthy. Your life is a terrible thing to waste, and when we're younger that's sometimes a hard concept to grasp. You don't want to be 25, 35 etc, down the road wondering where (what should have been your best years) went with nothing to show for them, but a broken heart. I hope you make the best decision for you. Keep tough, safe and sane.  

Always the back and forth breaking up and getting back together in a relationship that was destine to fail, is the most emotionally draining experience that you will both go through. Although it's hard, it is more humane for you both, if you have the guts, to end this for him. Remember, he's in misery too , thinking that you are cheating on , or close to it. He's living in hell and making you live in it too. It honestly looks like you have to be the responsible one here, and set him free. i'm sorry it's so hard :( :(

God Speed.

[Luciee_clarke]

My ex boyfriend used to hurt me physically and e used to say things like that he accused me of cheating so many times I lost count. if a boy spoke to me I was sleeping with him. my friend came over I was having sex with her. he isolated me from everyone until I had no one then I finally had enough one day and walked away from him best  choice I ever made he went to my mums crying how I left him. he went to my dads, to my friends, I stayed with a neighbour till I was okay it turned out he was cheating with two different girls. I would leave him nothing but a waste of your time x

[Chima7]

What should you do? Tell him you've had enough. Tell him he's had multiple chances to quit being a control freak and he blew it every time so now you're done. You need to tell him you're done. This isn't going to change, no matter what stupid lie he tells you next. Chuck this loser back into the pool and look for a guy who isn't a total headcase like he is!

[Bigdaddy1313]

Ask yourself do you want to grow old with this guy? Does he treat you like his best friend? Do you look forward to coming home from work to be with him? Do you trust him? If any of these answers are "NO" than you probably should move on and find the guy who you can't live without. He is out there. The trick is to find me whoops him. (sorry I could not resist the joke)

[dogcrazie892]

Thanks everyone.
I decided to give him another chance. A day ago. But yet again today. He is being controlling and saying that I need to change. But he loves me blah blah blah. I don't know what to do...any suggestions?

[Nighthawk61]

You have to stay tough and not accept this kind of behavior, it can get pretty sick and distorted, if left unchecked. He's let you know that he has trust issues, and I think that he needs to address them with a professional, before he get's into a relationship. This is what happens when getting help for the past is skipped. Hopefully you can snap him back to reality by suggesting that he does go now. You might want to consider him for partnership after he gets help, depending on how upfront and communicative he is. But, I'd stop the relationship pretty immediately. YOu don't know how far gone he is. and it might even be dangerous to continue. It might be systemic and highly ingrained. Best of luck to you moving forward with your life. You've said a boyfriend, and not a spouse. I'm hoping for your sake that you're not living together, so that it's easier for you to disentangle , if that's what you ultimately choose to do.

[Prizefighter]

He is probably cheating on you.  He is just trying to make you look like the bad one so he can justify it.  

[Chima7]

It's not you. He is showing you who he is. The only way to stop this is firmly tell him that you will not put up with being controlled and manipulated by him. And you have to be prepared to put your money where your mouth is and walk away if he keeps up the bs. Don't allow it. You will regret it if you don't put your foot down now before it gets totally out of hand and he has you completely under his thumb.

[dogcrazie892]

Thankyou. Yes I already knew it. I just wanted to make sure it wasnt me as he kept blaming me.

[RockRose]

I think you know the answer to your post.  He's controlling and manipulative.  

You can decide for yourself if you want to live with that -