Dealing

It's been 20 months since i was raped and the final court date is next month. I haven't dealt with it yet because i honestly needed time to pass before i could even form words to talk about it. Now, since i got the court date in the mail, everything is surfacing without my control and im worried because im not sleeping or eating...i can't. I was at work the other day and he came in, not knowing i worked there...and i had a panic attack. He wont come back now that he knows im there, because of the restraining order, but im freaked out. Im hurting so much, it hurt me so much and i feel like i stopped and everyone else kept going...i feel him touching me and pecking my face in my dreams...and i hear him in my head. Im scared and alone...and even though ive reached out to tons of people, including cousellors...it seems no one knows how to respond.

help?

[Bornsickie]

My heart goes out to you. I myself have been rapped 2x's. Once when I was 14 and then at age 17. Neither one was imprisoned.
My parents just "let it go" both times.
I had terrible nightmares for years, but, they go away.
You really need to forget and begin enjoying life. I know its not easy but, its something you must do.
It's been  a year.... don’t you think its time to let it go a bit?
It a horrible thing to happen but, only you can let it eat away at you or you can say.... that... %$#%#% man!
But, he is not going to stop me from enjoying my life anymore!
You give him power by being afraid, by your dreams, by the way you live your life... now its time to take back your life and live it your way!
Stop mourning and get back to life! Don’t give him any more power! Your in control not him!

Take a self defense course, carry pepper spray or something equivalent.... empower yourself!
There is allot you can do to accomplish this! You could even get into providing this information to others in your area as well!
the worse thing you can do is .... Allowing him to manipulate you when he's not even trying!
And that’s what they count on!
I am a firm believer  in .... what goes around, comes around!
my second rapist is now in a wheel chair, paralyzed from the waist down.
Best wishes on the trial. I understand they can be brutal. I don’t envy you. But, look how strong you are in doing this! so, this goes to show you.... you are stronger than you think!
Keep us posted. Your in my prayers!
Bornsickie.

[margypops]

I am so sorry this happened to you,I can only imagine how hard it is to come to terms with but that is what you have to do...its made harder by the fact you still have it to face inhim in court ..hopefully that will be the last time you have to face him.It is hard for others to respond , the same as people dont always know how to respond to grief.Once this trial is over you will accept what happened to you, you cant change the fact it happened , you can determine how it will affect the rest of your life, you will learn to live with it, and when your thoughts are driven to mull it over ,you will train your thoughts not to dwell on it. There is a wonderful book out there called 'Slowing Down to the Speed of Life " by Richard Carlson...on page 7 he tells us ..'Its Impossible to experience any negative feeling without first creating a negative corresponding thought, The Truth is ,our thinking will always create the reality we perceive "  If you digest that and tell your self that is what is happening... you can teach yourself to switch off the negative hurtful thoughts about what happened to you, after a while it becomes a habit.It may not seem so now but if you are as strong and clever as you sound in your post, you will come out of this with determination and strength. Good Luck please let us know how you are doing .