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Difficult mother, self injuring daughter
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Difficult mother, self injuring daughter

please can you help. I grew up with a loving but also physical and emotionally abusive mother. She seemed to be angry most of the time. There was often violence or the smell of violence. My father was lovely yet distant and found refuge in alcohol.  To cope with the  stressful hurtful home-life I began to tear my skin. I needed to bleed. My mother brought me to so many dermatologists to get to the bottom of it, but I always had the shameful secret that I was doing it to myself. When i grew up i left, got far away as possible and maintained a false happy interaction with my family. Lately my mother has been unwell and we are more in contact than ever before. she is kind and good to me, but i feel so much resentment for all the horrible emotional and violent scenes i remember from childhood. I feel she damaged me very greatly. And i have started to  tear my skin and bleed again. My legs are covered in scars. I can't seem to stop. I don't know what to do. I hope you can advise me...
thank you
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9 Comments Post a Comment
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203342_tn?1328740807
Have you ever got counseling for the self-injury and your past? I think that would be a good place to start. Self-injury can become addictive if it goes on long enough. A counselor can help you find other coping skills to help you in difficult situations without you resorting to hurting yourself. I've learned people that self-injure are very deep feeling, usually creative, thoughtful people. I can give you some tips that were given me. My daughter started cutting herself last year. She doesn't come from a bad home at all. Her's was more related to her peers and depression. We've had her in counseling for a year and have seen big improvements. Some things to try when you feel tempted to hurt yourself:

1. Call a friend
2. Take a hot, bubble bath
2. Take a walk, ride your bike, any form of exercise is good
3. Put a rubber band on your wrist. When you feel the urge to hurt yourself, snap the rubber band (gently)
4. Hold an ice cube in your hand
5. Draw or write in a journal

These are some of the ideas our counselor gave us.
I hope someday you can forgive your parents, not for their sake but for yours. When we forgive others who have harmed us, it releases us from the bondage of holding onto all the hurt, confusion, pain, hate, guilt, etc. We really don't do it for the other person. We do it for us, so that we can move on with our lives and have peace. Sometimes that can take a long time, though, and it may take the help of a couselor. I don't know if I've helped or not. You are not alone. There is hope. You don't have to stay stuck in this. You can have the healing and peace you desire. Please look into a good therapist who is experienced with self-injury and start that journay towards your healing. I believe in you! Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. I'm praying. God bless you.
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268662_tn?1203174838
hey i am here if you need some one to talk to at my address is hotmail , i use too cut myself when some one else would hurt me emotionally as a result i have cuts all over my arms at the time it seemed the only way to make the pain stop was to watch it bleed out of my body. i did get counseling i still have the urge but i don't cut anymore
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Avatar_f_tn
I too use to do the same thing as you when I was younger.  I am left with the scares on my legs and arms.  They are getting lighter now, but they are still there, and they are shiney unlike normal skin.
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203342_tn?1328740807
Can I pm you sometime? I could use someone to talk to too whose been through this. As a parent this has been difficult for me to watch my child go through. Thanks.
April
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Avatar_n_tn
i've been abused too. you think it your fault try this find a pentatcostal  church that believe in healing. i did it has set me free. i still deal with things but it easier with christ the of your life.  my mother allowed things to happen to her kids that were a child worst nightmare. there's passage in the bible that talks about a man that cut his self with rock everyone call him crazy jesus freed him with no meds. look it up.
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Avatar_n_tn
i not downing anything anyone said here but unitl you be there and still have to look at that person who did  or allowed it walk free as if nothing happen never to apolize for it or own up to it. you scream inside with pain and horror of the hell that you been through and nightmares that you still have believe  me i know from presonal experience. email is ***@**** love to here from you sky jones.
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Avatar_f_tn
Sky jones -
I use to do it, but I found that if I kept my hands busy with other things it helps.  Get some yarn and take up niting.  May sound stupid, but it keeps your fingers busy.
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Avatar_f_tn
I haven't read any of the other responses so sorry if I repeat anything but I wanted to let you know that the best way for you to get better is ... to let go of it all.  By forgiving others you allow yourself to heal.  Cry out what you need to, then forgive and forget as they say.  It will be your best medicine.  Find it in your heart to put the mistakes of others in the past... know that we're all human and mess up constantly - even when we try our best we still sometimes fall, and fill up the place of what you let go of with love.  

If you believe in God and Jesus then please let them take those burdens, trust them and leave it in their hands.  Pray to them for strength - I will pray for you as well.

They know better than any of us why things happen and how to make the good come from the bad among so much else.  

I hope you are able to overcome this, take care sweetie.
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Avatar_n_tn
oo okay just try to work it out
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