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Friend: Amnesiac Abuse Victim with PTSD, nightmares, MAYBE split personality?

In the past:  Shadow & I were friends since we were kids, but then when Shadow moved away, Shadow befriended Skye.  (using nicknames.)  But then as kid, Skye was molested by a stranger, and Shadow became aggressive toward anyone who would approach Skye, even if it was a friend to Skye.  A simple shoulder push, and Shadow would become the instant attack dog.  Shadow even stood up to a gang, of twenty kids & teens, who threatened Skye, and Shadow almost knocked out the leader with one hit, and the whole gang split - quick.
But over the years, Skye was abusive to Shadow:  Drugged Shadow, abused Shadow physically and mentally, and then kept trying to murder Shadow - steak knives, homemade nooses, trying to drown Shadow in a creek, trying to shove Shadow off of bridges, and trying to shove Shadow in front of cars on highways.
And not one person tried to help Shadow, but instead, Shadow was blamed for every. single. thing. And Skye lied about it all, saying they was the victim.  And then to feel better about the deeds, Skye claimed to have amnesia.

So skip a few years later.
Shadow went from a fun-loving, happy, warm person into a spiteful, angry, cold person.
Shadow turned against every single friend at school, bitterly, and kept the rest (from other schools) at a distance.
Shadow would literally raise hackles upon just hearing the name of Skye and Skye's mother (who really, really did not help at all - blaming Shadow, harassing Shadow, and ignoring Shadow.  When Shadow even tried to explain the truth multiple times.  The woman just didn't care!  She saw it as long as Skye was happy, that's all Shadow's life was made for - even though Shadow's life was in daily danger of being murdered!)  Skye went suicidal, but still has everyone thinking that Shadow is the reason for everything.

So it's been ten years since Shadow has 'ditched' the family and the cousin - zero contact with them at all.
But I can see that this has had the worst effect on Shadow, and I am concerned.
There are constant conflicts with coworkers, and Shadow is emotionally 'unavailable' - anyone tries to date Shadow, and Shadow gets snarly; anyone wants a friend's shoulder to cry on, and Shadow walks off because of a lack of interest; people try to be friendly, and Shadow gets distrustful.
Aside from the personality change, there are more obvious changes in Shadow.
Shadow has been struggling with insomnia, and barely getting enough sleep.
When Shadow does get sleep, Shadow always has terrible, terrible nightmares, and the sound of them would make me go insane!  Talking about human-hungry chemically-affected-in-the-brain dogs that are melting away from the bone; talking about being chased by angry mobs and tortured, and sideways buildings that crash all around, and eerily beautiful cemeteries that have bone-smashing spiked balls that fly off of trees, and bridges that break apart over rushing rivers - and the details are so precise that it is like Shadow had a real experience from it; but then, when your friend dreams of doberman dogs killing a kitten in a home and becomes afraid upon awaking, it is disheartening when your friend has to endure nightmares almost nightly for years.
And then Shadow also shows signs of PTSD - from the abuse from Skye and the family.  Startled with loud noises, easy to aggression, will lash out at anyone when afraid.  And when Shadow interacts with people, it seems the PTSD can change...  maybe like, a split personality change?  Because when Shadow is around one person (nickname:  Blue) Blue may say, "Shadow, can you get me a drink?" and Shadow does this:  Gets a drink to perfection, and slippers, and a newspaper, and a remote, and even offers a neck rub.  But then when Shadow is around another person (nickname:  Smarty) and Smarty may say, "Shadow, can you get me a drink?" then Shadow does the opposite:  Verbal attack.  "You're not the boss of me, you can get in there and do it your own self, I am not your slave, who do you think you are telling me what to do, and you better not tell me what to do again."  (This is a mild attack toward someone, by the way.)
And one second Shadow can be peaceable and quiet and agreeable, but when Shadow feels (some kind of emotion, I have no idea what) Shadow can be the opposite:  Angry, verbal, and all-out disagreeable, and it's like trying to deal with a bad dog in Cesar Milan's videos:  A dog pulling at a leash and snarling all the way until it feels okay and calms down.  The best way to handle is let go of Shadow's leash, and Shadow, when calm, becomes the same easy-going and quiet person again.
Also...  Shadow does the unusual, which also makes me consider, personality change caused with PTSD?
Shadow one second will be afraid and timid, but then the next second, upon an event, Shadow will become bold and aggressive.  
And Shadow will wear women's clothes, and Shadow will wear men's clothes.  Extremely formal clothes, and goth-punk clothes.
Shadow also gets crushes on guys and girls, but does not actively seek dates.  (Seemingly Asexual Aromantic behavior, though, which is another confusing thing.)  
People have mentioned Bipolar disorder, but this seems to be pretty different, as I've been friends with bipolar people who have not acted remotely like this.
When I talked to another friend about Shadow's...  odd state...  my friend said that I should avoid Shadow, as Shadow could be displaying a nastier, darker version of a split personality caused by the abuse and PTSD, whereas the victim will mentally take on the airs of the 'villain', the abuser.
But Shadow's been abused by so many other people before - nearly drowned by a kid in the neighborhood, had a physically and mentally abusive stepfather as a kid, and then Shadow became an amnesiac, and a doctor said that it's best not to try getting those memories back because that could make things worse.
Then on top of that, Shadow had a second mentally abusive stepfather, all of this before Skye came into the picture.

Since Skye and Shadow cannot be in the same room together (Shadow would no doubt jump Skye, and Skye would definitely lose,) it's impossible to get any peace agreement.
And I can't confront Shadow about getting over it, because to Shadow, with the PTSD, it's like it is still happening.
Shadow won't seek help from a therapist, and gets snarly even over the subtle mention.


What on earth should I do to help my friend?
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3060903 tn?1398565123
Tell her than you'll have to back away from the relationship unless she see's a therapist, otherwise it's called a co dependent relationship.
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
or until she/he seeks therapy. No different than what you would do or say to an addict who refuses to get themselves help.
Relationship? (Do you mean friendship? Or are you meaning family bond?)  But I did look up the meaning of a co-dependent relationship, and that doesn't really sound like Shadow.  Co-dependent people have one-sided relations that put them (what seems like) at the mercy of people who treat that person like dirt (such as the family did.)  But Shadow has no relations with the family at all, and does not let people be the boss.  And Shadow is generally a good person - although Shadow can seem like a 'heartless b-word,' Shadow is extremely nice to almost anyone - will open doors for elderly and mothers, will give money to people who are in need, has even saved peoples' lives (although Shadow says they were accidental, it's still there though.)
But Shadow said to me that seeking a therapist was generally looked down upon, because a therapist had said that with the amnesia, it would probably be worse for Shadow to know what had happened to cause that.  So it's not like Shadow would entirely say no to the idea, but I believe that it would be just the thought that these terrible memories being pulled back into the mind would make Shadow relive the trauma from the past that was blocked out.  If Shadow really does have PTSD, the past that was blocked out might have a stronger impact than just the basic nightmares.
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