Getting over an abusive relationship

Question

I am trying to figure out how to get over an abusive relationship still.  I have been with a new boyfriend for 1 1/2 years yet I still have emotional break downs when this subject is brought up in school and I have nightmares still. I have been in counseling before and I still feel responsible for everything that had happened to me.  I know what he did was wrong and that I shouldn't be feeling guilty for what he had put me through.  Can anyone give me advice please?  Is there any way I can stop these nightmares?

allmymarbles · Accepted Answer

You will know when you are over it when you get angry.

Nighthawk61 · Answer

It may take a few letters and letting go, plus some time and some good loving to get you from thinking about it so much, but you'll be moving forward with purpose, and it will happen for you too. You will be free from this, you're making all the right moves. You're not isolating, you'll be okay. Peace to you. Let us know how you're doing. Liz

Tmad93 · Answer

Thank you very much. It is a very hard profession but I'm enjoying it. As for the past, I wrote everything down in a journal and tomorrow I'm planning on burning it with a friend. I feel a little better getting all of the thoughts out of my head, but it's still hanging over me. I hope that tomorrow will help some more.

Nighthawk61 · Answer

I would imagine that nursing is very stressful on so many levels, so much of life's harshest realities staring you in the face all the time, don't worry , you're meant to be a healthy professional, more than likey, and you'll learn to be as strong as the best of them , don't ask to much of yourself too soon, you're allowed to be human, and show others that you are, in the process. In time, you will be as strong as the strongest in your field, and you will exemplify that strength with all that you do ~ if it was easy, then everyone could do it, but it isn't, and most couldn't. You're a first responder and that takes a lot of courage. Thanks for becoming a nurse.....

Tmad93 · Answer

I am currently in my senior year in nursing school and we were learning about abuse. It gave me flash backs and I ran out of the room. I did get out of the relationship with a lot of help and am now dating someone else.  They have helped me out a lot.

Tmad93 · Answer

Thank you all for the advice. It's been an issue that has been effecting me for a while.  I will try the symbolic releasing and I'll make a few more appointments with my therapist and see if there is more to do.  I'll also look and see if there are any abuse support groups in the area. 
My new boyfriend has helped me a lot and has made me really happy but he hasn't been able to help me get over the previous experience all the way yet. He has helped me get past some parts of what had happened but not all of the emotional parts.  It could possibly be PTSD and I haven't really thought much of that part. 
Thank you very, very much!

Nighthawk61 · Answer

From my experience with PTSD episodes ~ the thing i had to get over of is the guilt of staying in the abuse . It took a long time to forgive myself for that . Time has healed this wound. Talking about it to a therapist helped. After a few more years of babying from a good partner , and you'll be okay sweet heart . I  don't kow if you can relate to this or not with your abuse , but I thought I'd try to understand how you might be feeling. The good news is, when i stopped letting the abuse define me, the happier I became. God bless you, you're in my prayers. Liz

allmymarbles · Answer

I am a little confused. Who is responsible for your abuse? Your current boyfriend? And what are his issues? And how is school related?

specialmom · Answer

Hi.  Welcome to med help.  Well, I'm really sorry you have to deal with memories of that and all the emotional damage that it did.  Wish I could take that away.  I'm glad you've done some counseling to help understand the patterns of abuse.  That is excellent and good for you.  Taking that step helps make sure that patterns aren't repeated.  

Have you ever done any symbolic releasing?  I'm the kind of person that can relate to this so it works well for me.  Something like write down everything you want to say about that relationship and that person.  Get it all out.  Then have a bon fire and burn it.  Set it free with the smoke.  Up in the sky it goes away from you.  Actually even just writing about it in a journal is a way to get it out of your head and on paper.  And when you shut the journal closed, it is closing the thoughts.  You have to picture it.  I have done that before for some painful things and it helped me express myself but to see in a visual way that I had control about when I was going to think about it, when I wanted it put away, etc.

Another thing to explore is that perhaps you have some post traumatic issues after the abuse.  This would be best to talk to your doctor about and honestly, best to resume therapy to explore as well to really overcome it.  But this does happen.

Some abuse therapists or shelters also have support groups.  A place you could go to talk to others who have suffered and often 'groups' are led by therapists.  

It's hard though.  Time really is a good thing to heal.  Lots of time.  Glad you are with someone safe now.  :>)  peace