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HOW DO YOU CONVINCE SOMEONE THEY NEED MENTAL HELP
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HOW DO YOU CONVINCE SOMEONE THEY NEED MENTAL HELP

My boyfriend is a severe alcholic.  Every two weeks he becomes irrationally angry and lashes out to me about any subject that allows him to express his anger.  He harrasses me until I become almost as irrational as him.

I suspect that he might be bi-polor or have another mental disorder.  He seems to think that he is totally justified with his behavior.  I have been told by other people that he is a loose cannon.  

I need fact-based information on Alcholics and mental disease.  

I am also open to any suggestions on how to approach him.
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45 Comments Post a Comment
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285927_tn?1380802356
Is he a narcissist? Until he sees a problem, you cannot help him. Maybe if he thinks you will not tolerate him anymore unless he gets help, but other than that, I cannot think of anything. Do not allow yourself to become co-dependant, or his enabler. If he seriously thinks he is justified, he may not be just bi polar, but narcissistic. Google it and see if it applies. If he did not go get help, he would be gone.
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535822_tn?1389452880
All you can do is advise him and hope he takes the advice , he definatly could use some help you may want to consider your own postion on being in his life if he wont seek help,until he does the situation wont improve.Good Luck
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13167_tn?1327197724
Babe,  why not let this go?  This guy is a "severe alcoholic" and is abusive and has been told by others besides yourself that he is a loose cannon.

Why not let this go?  There are a lot of guys out there,  why not pick a good one?
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Avatar_m_tn
I am in the same boat.... I will have been married for 2 years on May11th. I am 18, and the hubbs is 20. He drinks every night, and always seems to find something to lash out at me about. you can message me if you need some support! Krissy
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you Krissy.  You are too young to be going through this every night?  That's horrible
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you for responding.  I did Google Narcissist.  That is definitely him.  Now I am really in trouble.  He took my phone home with him last night.  I had to report it to the police.  It's such a mess.  I have a hard time letting go.  I know he is sick
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759029_tn?1234790523
why do ppl use drugs? some days ago v had a very insightful lecture from our psychiatry proffessor on substance abuse

most of us consider pain as a sensation.isnt it.but wen pain becomes chronic eg v r uncomfortable in shoes.v'll hav pain.but wat happens dat (if u know about brain) sensations from cerebral cortex are sent to limbic system dats associated with emotion.
SO PAIN BECOMES AN EMOTION.if u want me to tel further let me know
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535822_tn?1389452880
I think people use substance abuse as a way of temporarily taking away their anguish, like we take a pain killer to ease a headache or stomach ache Drugs and Drinking have the same effect but in fact are compounding the problem,it would be great for the humans of this world to have a potion that wasnt addictive that made us feel up lifted.and we could take without repercussions ...You could try to get him to seek help tell him you are going if he wont if he has feelings for you he may want to do that,if not dont waste your life on him, it wont get better ,trust me..
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Avatar_f_tn
I can relate to your situation.It takes years to, if ever, convience a person to do something about their drinking. The more you try, the worse they get. Most of the time you find there are underlying problems. Being that mean to you as a girlfriend, you can bet it will get worse as time goes by.Marry him and he will abuse you even more. People that have a deep desire to stop drinking, can stop. If you ask him why he drinks he will have every excuse in the world. You can't trust someone like that.  Don't ever think you can make him change. It does not work.I tried to change a man and wasted 16 years of my life. Now he is even worse.Those were 16 years of my life gone and living in abuse. Get out of it now, before something happens that you can't. Being in love with a person takes two people being in love with each other. If he was in love with you, you would be precious to him. He does not show he is in love by his actions and you are fighting a losing battle. I have seen what it can cause. My best advice that I can give you, is find a man that is in love with you and you can be happy with and have a non-violent home. Someone that you are precious to and won't be afraid of and that would be a father to the children you have in the future, with love and respect. Dealing with now, is the beginning of the picture, think about it getting worse and worse as the years go by, the abuse, mentally and physically, to you and your children,the beatings,because they will happen. Now, compare that to a man that is so in love with you and you in love with him. A respectable and responsible person that loves his children and wants the best for them. I say in love and not just love.There is a big difference.You can love a flower,house,the smell of the air after rain,and the sunset. You can love a person and not like them. In love is a totally different feeling and a future to look forward to. I have been there and I can tell you, it is like living in Hell.
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759029_tn?1234790523
u  hav da ryt to leave him.let him lie in anguish.i wud suggest u to do dat but b4 leaving him,if u are,take a last ditch stand.try to get him to a doc.a psychiatrist.ppl  do change.b4 he kills himself or abuses someone else.make an attempt
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484465_tn?1347117312
any person w/ any problem must first take the step to acknowledge the problem they have.  if he has not done that, you can forget about rehabilitation
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139792_tn?1299416777
There are many recalcitrant people who in denial stage.they do not acknowledge that they have problem. Can we give them some medicine in hood and drink so that he becomes compliant and be reasonable and accept treatment?
Can this process stir up legal complications?
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791286_tn?1239618113
How do you convince them? You don't, you just can't, especially if alcohol is involved. I don't know him, but I would have to throw my 2 cents in and guess he's got a ghost or two to deal with. Was he abused as a child? If he was, just think about this, it is said that every previous generation had it worse than the next. Did he witness his father treating his mother the same way? Some of those loving familys aren't quite as loving when curtains are closed.

My brothers had a little game they used to like to play. If there were a number of players the first would just haul off and slug somebody in the arm and say pass it on, or if people were sitting, it was on the top of the thigh where it would hurt like hell, pass it on. It ***** to be at the end of the line. Maybe the alcohol turns some demons loose, maybe not, who am I to say?

My ex-wife tried to tell me I had a problem for years, what the hell did she know anyway, the ******* *****!!! Famous last words. It was just two weeks short of our twentieth anniversary. I had to loose everything, house, family, everything, and I still drank for a very short period, until I did something that humiliated and embarrassed me into stopping 17 years ago. I had to hurt myself before I could read the writing. I had it easy, I quit cold turkey and I have no desire to ever touch another drink, most have a much harder time, and ya know what........she was right the whole time.

Maybe try going to an alanon meeting, everybody there knows your story, they will make you feel very welcome, see what they go through, you will probably think your looking in a mirror.

Anyway, that's my two cents, take it or leave it.

  

    
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535822_tn?1389452880
That was a good post Guess wrote, getting some input from the other side ' so to speak, that was a nasty little game your brothers played, I know that happens a lot and smaller children get bullied I hear a lot of Parents wondering why their youngest is acting out and throwing tantrums, when they tell you the dynamics of the house you know someone is bullying the youngest child, parents dont always see it. Your two cents worth was  great I would say it was a sucess story . Thank you
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791286_tn?1239618113
I was the 3rd of seven boys. The next was 4 years younger and much to young to participate. My Father was a contractor and I was probably around six or seven when I got to start spending "quality time" with good old Dad and two older brothers at work. It was fun at first, then a chore, then I hated it. He did however let me fix some of his drinks for him after work in the good old days, then he would help me learn how to tie my shoes and I was so proud I could do both in one evening. He started drinking more and more and he would go to the garage to "get another beer", but the real reason he got it himself was that he had a bottle of liquor hidden, 15 minutes later he he would reappear with a slur and a smile, "another beer" and not so smiley anymore, by the end of the night he could be meanest ***** in the world with the most complete derogatory dictionary made attached to directly to his mouth, and he managed it with tremendous pride when he got wound up. It was like a prepared speech he was going to give to my mother more nights than not. It was her fault that were were worthless little bastards, she  treated us like a bunch of god damn babies, yada, yada, yada.

By the ripe old age of 10 to 12, outside of school days, it was time to work. My two older brothers always went, many times I would throw enough of a tantrum I didn't have to go. Then I got to be afraid of them coming home, he wouldn't even speak to me, I was disgusting in my father's eyes. The next day another tantrum, but today would be different, today I was going to go whether I wanted to or not, and no, my Dad wasn't going to make me go, he summoned my older brothers to do the thug work. I was to kick and fight and hang on as well as I could alone. It was a gallant fight, as good as somebody my age could do, but I was to lose, I always did eventually. Forcefully drug outside to the truck and stuffed in a limb at a time as my Dad read his dictionary, and off we would go. My Mother, younger brothers, and neighbors watched helplessly. There was no help. At work I was a robot, get this, get that, do, do, do.

One really bad day it was cold, 20 some degrees maybe, but it was going to warm up, and he was going to lay concrete block and he went into a tiff about something, I got defiant and refused, I stood there while he got angrier, then the brothers got into it. One brother was on the bank of the basement breaking the ice off the top of the water barrel, so he started throwing water into the air in my direction. By the time it got to me, it was like a light rain, and I stood there emotionally battered while it just got more intense. Cry, no, that was NOT ALLOWED in my family, but as hard as I tried, I just couldn't hold it back anymore. Tears started to trickle down my cheeks and it didn't take long before the jackals picked up on it. "Is that a tear I see?", "Look it's little baby teardrops" and they would laugh as they worked and poked fun at me. I was so cold. Finally, they were all at one end of the basement, I started running towards the car and they came after me, I could hear their feet hitting the ground behind me, but I made it. My brother had gotten to my side of the car and was reaching for the door handle as I pushed down the last lock. Completely riddled with emotions from fear to pain, but at last warm after the ran for a short time. At noon they left me at home. At the end of the day it was off to the garage for a beer or two, then it was Mom's turn again. The next morning, well, we'll just have to wait and see what we see, ya can't keep tomorrow from coming.

The days weren't always like that, that was a really, really bad day. After all it wasn't boring, it always kept ya guessing. There were times he helped and bought some nice toys for the boys.

Remember also that emotions are going to come out, they can't be stopped, they can and do change to other emotions to get out. It's like trying to hold your thumb over the end of a running hose, you just can't do it.

I don't really mean to ramble on, but it's a snapshot of the other side. Hey, he's your boyfriend, I could be all wet, I hope I am for his sake, but I'm afraid it's something he learned from somebody a long time ago, and I'll just assume he's a little like me just to help you grab this concept, it's not the alcohol, that's just the match that lights the fire, we hurt ourselves again and again and again when we become our fathers, or whoever raised us, taught us. It's a terrible cross to bare and we can't go back and unlearn it.

Women just seem to have that instinct to take care of, fix, forgive repeatedly, mother someone or something. Good lord, go to the pound and pick out the the most beaten, rattiest, butt ugly, fleabag, of a dog you can find, neuter him, take him home, wash him up, brush him out, and ya have your best and most loyal friend to love for the rest of his life if ya don't let him drink beer.

That's three cents  



                
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535822_tn?1389452880
Wow you really are a writer you should use this talent to write down your experiences ,call it 'Thats three cents"I was actually reading your post like a book and waiting for the next part , interesting insight so much help and undersatanding for other folks reading it,you are a suvivor and you are winning  your own battle with Demons. Do you still have that Family around what happened then....
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791286_tn?1239618113
I would like to know what babebren and the others that are being abused are doing with their alcoholic mates. I know how sweet I could be when I had to clean my act for awhile to get back in the door. Gifts and baloney. I didn't really know it was baloney at the time, I meant to follow through with everything, I wished I could give my ex everything her little heart desired, and she had it coming, but I couldn't deliver. I just plain couldn't get both ores in the water at the same time, I was going in circles. I still can't get a grip. I quit drinking, recreational drug use, smoking, all the vices. But to tell the truth I'm still screwed up enough that I wouldn't wish me on anybody.

I hope they can look far enough down the road they don't deliver kids into a mess like that, it's just not right that kids should go through it, then what do people do in a strained relationship? Shell out a kid in an attempt to save it. People don't even try sharing a pet first.

He probably schmoozed his way back in, she hasn't posted since the 5th.    

Is that being to harsh?
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535822_tn?1389452880
Sometimes folks take a while to get back, I hope she is okay ,
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791286_tn?1239618113
I know, me too.
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804966_tn?1261898878
I was in the same situation. My EX hubby was a severe alcoholic. He would drink and get really abusive. ANYTHING would set him off. I had to walk on legg shells. But I was also afraid to leave. I was afraid of him killing me. But then one day, he hurt me and that is when I decided I would leave. When they are drunk, they can act like they are going to get better and buy you roses or diamonds or other nice things, but it don't last long. It goes back to the hitting, screaming and out downs. I lost friends and was so isolated that I didnt even see my family.      I hope that Babe sees that she needs to get away. It only gets worse and the blood runs more if she stays. I hope she is doing ok. And Guess I read yout entries and I agree with Margy, you should write!!!! Hollar at me!   Lord, please watch over Babe and let her be ok!!
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