Help Needed -

I am male, 34, from India, married for last 10 years(wife 2 year younger to me). I have a 7 year old son. I am fighting the  loosing battle alone & I need help.

6 years into the marriage I came to know that my wife had incestal relations with her brother. My father in-law is a alcoholic  & mother in law is a emotional blackmailer. I broke ties with my in-laws family but promised to fight this battle for our kid  who was 3 years old than. I want to give my kid best in life, which I missed as  my father died when I was 11 years old.

I even shrugged aside possibility of kid not being mine biologically. We (me & wife)had many session with psychiatrist. Time  is best healer & I was getting over the agony & pain. However my son keeps bed wetting (at night), I recently have kept notes  of the dates. One data is he bed wets when my mother(her granny) is not around house in day time, i.e., when my son is alone with my wife. Is the cycle of abuse hurting my kid too ?

I am in this marriage only for my love for my son. I am already suffering, having difficultly maintain relations, trusting  people. I am already fallen behind in work. Its taking a toll on me both physically & mentally. I am being paranoid ? If I get out of this marriage, she may take the child to that abusive family(her parents) as they are financially more strong. That would be hell for my kid !

Its all jumbled up, please help.

[teko]

I am so sorry you are experiencing this painful situation. Have you had your son to a doctor to rule out anything physical? I had 3 boys and they all wet the bed from time to time. If so, you may want to incorporate him into some therepy also,  it certainly cannot hurt the situation. I beleieve in the gut instinct of a parent, and would suggest talking to your therapist about your misgivings. I will keep you in my prayers Please let us know what happens.

[margypops]

I am so sorry, this is a lot to bear ,but thats what I believe for your childs sake you have to do 'endure , definatly seek more help and information, you cannot go this alone and as you said if you leaveand  if you believe  your child is in jepardy it may get worse.The bed wetting could be a phase at his age , how does he get on at school, could here be other reasons he is doing it, have you talked to him and asked how he gets on with friends and his Teacher. Think outside he box , and get some help to be able to function with this, are you able to communicate with your Doctor, Good LUck keep us up to date.

[jmg5774]

Thanks. there is nothing physical as of yet. He does well in studies(in top 10 in class). He is usually inside the house. He is more close to his mother than me, as I am out for work & usually around only on weekend. But now I am making sure to spend more time with him.

[AnnaE]

Spending more time with your son will give your rewards richer than you have ever imagined, just because parent-child relationships are so meaningful for both.

Watch who your son spends time with. Sometimes it is hard to predict who can be dangerous. You know, of course, that your brother in law is not good.

If you should develop suspicions that he is being abused, take him to a doctor.

This situation is very difficult.

Take good care of your physical health Make sure your family's diet is the best possible. Rest well, and exercise.

I am hoping that the relationship between your wife and her brother has ended, and that your son knows little of it.

[margypops]

How are you doing I was hoping for an update on your child, you seem so caring and were hoping to get better answers,than we could give you.