Abuse Support Community
How long will this last...
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This community is for discussions relating to emotional, physical, sexual, social, spiritual, spousal, and verbal abuse. Please note, this community is not monitored by professionals, rather questions will be answered by other members of the community.

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How long will this last...

It has been TEN YEARS...and I still don't feel safe. I have moved cities to physically separate him from me. I can't afford a therapist otherwise I would be with one tomorrow. Why Thanksgiving? Why did he pick a day that I will never be able to forget? I can't close my eyes without seeing his face. I can't turnover without feeling his hands on me. I remember every moment of Thanksgiving 1998. I have flashbacks when I serve Pumpkin Pie...how ridiculous is that?!!! I should be over this!! Why is he still in my head, in my body?!! It's not F$%^ng FAIR!!! I have to admit...part of this is my fault. I have tried talking to a counselor but my parents told me not to reveal everything to spare my step-brother. They didn't believe me anyways...it took him to get married, have two kids, and force his wife to have sex with him for them to acknowledge the abuse he did to me. They (my parents) had the audacity to invite him to Thanksgiving two years ago without my knowledge. And then told me they couldn't choose between him and me. I had to call someone to come pick me up and then I was looked badly upon. No one understands...no one. I have so many questions and no one to ask them. How long do these flashbacks last? How do I replace a trigger that would cause a flashback to cause nothing? I know these are questions that really cant be answered but I just needed to vent.
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695983_tn?1242777724
Oh dear im not sure how long it will last hun. Im in the same boat i can try help you through it. You have done well to move away so that should help remove the memories of that discusting creature. And as for talking to a counselor, they are private and confidential so will not reveal anything you say to them. I think you should talk about it even if its on here might help. Im new to this site but will try and help people as much as i can. But dont think its your fault its not!!!! I wish i could take my own advise sometimes but its not easy i know that. Please see a counselor your parents should understand and if they dont there not worth knowing. I know there your family but think of you not that horrible pig. x
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535822_tn?1413656274
I answered your other thread not reading this one I didnt realise you have left him, so you got up the strength to do that, that was good I think now you simply endure and try not to think too much, make your life now count it will take time .
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332074_tn?1229564125
As a victim of incest myself, I can tell you, there is no answer to your questions. It would not matter how many times you asked them or who you asked them too, the answers would never be good enough. For me it was realizing that by dwelling on what happened all the time I was giving this man my power and when I realized that I would be damned if I would continue to let him have control over me. There is nothing I could have done to stop it when I was young, but I could control what it did do to me now and I chose to live my life not as a victim but as a proud confident woman. That does not mean that I am pretending it never happened, because I am very aware that it did, and I am very aware that my parents chose to act like it never happened. I recently had a incident were I had a melt down with my mother and made her admit that they tried to ignore it. However that was just one incident it was not something that I had dwelt on forever. I promise you that if you do get to the point where you can learn to live your life without that being the main focus, you will be so much happier. I am here for you if you need someone to talk to.  
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Almost anyone can get counseling, with a county health card or on a sliding scale basis.
Let us know if you need help finding it in your area.
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13167_tn?1327197724
jmelton,  it sounds like you are completely on the right track with what would help you get past most of the pain (not all,  there will always be a mark) with imaging therapy.  You do need a therapist to help talk you through this,  but you are exactly right - you notice when the flashback image first begins to form in your mind,  and you replace it with a pleasant image.  The more you practice and time goes by, the better you get at it,  and the less the flashbacks will debilitate you.

Best wishes.
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Keep in mind that if you decide to go into therapy, it might not be that first therapist that works for you. Since you indicate you have no insurance, your choices would be more limited. You might have to be really assertive to get one that specializes in abuse, and who will talk through the approaches that might help you. Most therapists use a variety of approaches and techniques. If you have suggestions for your therapy, bring them up. Group therapy might validate the feelings that would help to get you beyond this, and to realize that you are not alone, and that, in addition to flashbacks, you are struggling to work through painful images, feelings, and memories.

Since we have no professional psychologist, social worker, or MD psychiatrist who specializes in abuse on this forum, you can check in with the Mental Health Forum MD.
This doctor might have a different specialty, but he can give you some valuable information. Since most survivors are diacnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, the PTSD forum might also help. An MD could also discuss medication with you You might get help in see a psychiatrist. These MD's generally specialize in medication.

You have a lot of options, and those include us here, who are willing to listen to you..
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