Husband was sexually assaulted...

Hello. I'm not sure this is the appropriate place to post this, but I was wondering if someone had known a male who was sexually assaulted, and how can a spouse support and comfort them while they come to grips with what happened? I can't seem to find any resources for a male rape victim, but I've encouraged my husband to seek help, -and he is getting counseling, but this has really done a number on his head...He is having nightmares, was suicidal, is very depressed, keeps fantasizing about going to this person's office and beating him up...Or shooting him, or stalking him, or some other horror that can result in nothing but bad...This was reported to the police, but the prosecuting attorney won't pursue it because of "lack of evidence"...he feels that nobody gives a rip, and he has little support other than myself or the counselor...Can anyone help? Thanks...~MM

[faithfulchild]

I am sorry to hear that about your husband.These feelings are quite normal for a person who has been abused. The counselling is helping since he is actively thinking about it and not forcing it to the back of his mind. I must tell you that he has a great journey ahead of him and it will take some time for him to come to terms with what happen. He is a male and for him it might be quite different from a female. Male rely on their egos and their ability to stay in control. All of that was shattered and taken away at the moment he was assaulted..hence his continual fantasizing. He wants back that power but only thinks he can retrieve it by retribution.

He is very fragile and needs to know that he is still in control and is not any less of a man. It is important that you try to show utmost respect to him now and try to help him to realize that you do not pity him but rather empathize. Do not give him the impression that you feel sorry for him. He is a man and men dont like to be pitied.

Continue to encourage him and do things that make him feel strong and confident in himself without seeming too obvious. Tell him that you are proud of him and respect him for being  so strong. Let him know that he is not any less of a man.

All the best

[medicmommy]

Thank you for your kind response...it explained quite a bit about what is probably going on in his head of which I can only guess at. It saddens me that there are so few resources for men available -no matter what their sexual orientation is...For now, I will be a patient ear and as long as he wants to talk, vent, etc, I will be here... I am an incest survivor myself, and I have some idea of the "damaged goods" feelings as well as some of the mental torture that occurs...I was fortunate to be strong enough, and to have his support when I went through counseling in my 20s and I am happy to say, I am truly a survivor with a happy and healthy life...Now it's my turn to support him in ways I thought I'd never have to...((((((((((((HUGZ))))))))Thank you so much for your response...~MM