Husbands daughters said he abused them

[Rehana57]

My step daughters accused their dad of abuse 10
Years ago when they were about 14 and 18 he was found not guilty incourt and I truly felt at te they were lying to get council housing.  There mother committed suicide he remarried and I feel the eldest of his four girls is very screwed up and caused a lot of problems wrecking his second marriage.  Sorry long post.  I had not got along with the second oldest and the youngest when they claimed this 10 years ago and felt it was a het back at me' too my 2 small children had to be checked by social services.  The daughter I did get along with didn't give evidence but none of them have ever made contact again with there dad.  My husband is Nigerian and recently his nephews wife asked me' what had I done to reconcile the situation.  I lied and said I had written to them once and nobreply.  Truth is the separation suits me'.  My daughter is still in contact and would be there way back to dad. My problem is now with hindsight I'm not sure about his innocence - he made friends with a Taiwanese girl 20 years younger She was very small and looked like his daughter.  He also appears to have been going to massage parlours and I recall now that our bedroom was locked and he was in the room with one of his daughters when I came home unexpectedly he said they were talking.  To this day she maintains he sexually abused her.  She was always very quiet put a lock on her bedroom door herself and  he has displeased me' over the years to the point of buying another property by remortgaging our house and asked me' to give him power if attorney to look after our house in Spain.  Which I refused and threatened divorce.  I don't know if he's humouring me' now by being so nice to me' as he was so cold when with the Taiwanese girl.  A close family friend said they saw him holding hands with a black younger female last year.  So this dark side appears in him yet he is back to being the loving husband I thought he was I'm past.  Ps he's impotent now has blood pressure meds.  What should I do, my in law will contact them, should I contact them too, write a letter.  If I thought at the te any doubt that he abused them I would have left h.  Years on I don't know now but we are financially tied and close to retirement.  I don't think he will cheat again cause of impotence.  Confused and messed up and suggestions please - I am afraid of being on my own and in spite of all the anxiety love him.

[lisaob1]

i think you already know the answer,look at it this way. how would you react and feel if someone else posted what you had? what answer and advice would you give that person? sometimes the answers  your searching for are right under your nose. easy as that, good luck and god bless

[Rehana57]

My in law contacted the youngest and the girl was unable to speak with her as with her friend.  She phoned my son angry that he gave her number out.  My son says the oldest girl will never contact her dad again.  He said if I still took his side what was point of writing to them.  Please anyone out there what should I do?

[Rehana57]

Thank you for reply, I have been wanting to write but very difficult to know what to say as I supported their dad at time.  I have been heartbroken too since I saw his texts pursuing the Taiwanese girl 2 years now and he stonewalled me' denied it, lied so many inconsistencies so when caught out that is when I started to doubt about him and then said leaving me', when I saw lawyer he said ok we remortgage our house buy another in joint names     And started being nice again but then when he got remortgage money bought his name only left everything behind moved out gradually and now I stay with him weekends and plan to join h when my daught finds a flat (she's only 19) and he's moved to other side of town.  I have been going to cousellling as depressed and my life seems to be falling apart he always took care of everything earns far more and not very demonstrative. I have no family left to turn to for advice.  Should I ask my in laws what happened when she contacted them.  She was insistent they say sorry to their dad.  But if he did do those things I hardly think they will do that and my in laws will think I am at fault.  This in law cooks Nigerian food which he pays her for for him I can cook too so feel a failure when he dies this. It's not that they are interfering it's their culture but it makes me' feel useless.  I feel so alone in all this my father was very emotionally overbearing and abusive.  As long as I don't get emotional and keep it light we are fine together, ibtread on eggshells so many questions unanswered.  I will write them.

[lilymoon]

I think these girls deserve a letter from you,rarely do kids lie about these things and your story leads me to believe hemight have abused them.It might mean a lot to those girls if you told them and are sorry.lily

[Rehana57]

I meant disempowered me' no displeased me' in my post writing this on I phone it changes spellings sorry