I dont know what to do

[salasgirl]

Hi, Okay i been with this guy for two year already. And everything has been normal till latley hes been acting weird. He doesnt laugh like he used too. He is always mad get talks very disrespectful to his family. Says he doesnt care about anything or anybody he would be better off been dead. And i got worried and talked to his sister and she told me he was doing drugs, but when u asked him he told me he wasnt and she was lying. But his attituded seem to be changing all the time. He also been going out a lot and doesnt tell me where he goes or what he does n before he did. I really love him and im worried that he might be doing something bad. So i guess my question is what should i do? I would say just leave him and let his family deal with the problems, but im not that type of person to leave him like that. I would like to do something to help him.

[salasgirl]

Okay... Well today that i talked to him he sounded better but yet not quite the same yet.. so a little less that i have to worry for him

[margypops]

You are so welcome ,I hope you find a nice happy kind guy  who will appreciate you , let us know how you are doing ...

[salasgirl]

Thank you guys for all your help i didnt really know where to go for help and this been great thank you very much to all

[salasgirl]

Okay i just got off the phone with him a while ago and i told him how i felt and he was like what ever and didnt understand what i was telling him he even told me that im going crazy and didnt know what i was talking about. I have a gut feeling that he is messing around with diffrent girls

[Tab57]

You need to level with him. He needs to know that his addictive behavior is threatening your relationship. You need to do what is best for you. Please quit enabling your boyfriend's behavior. Standing up to him will be the best for him.

[salasgirl]

I havent thought about that. He does tell me that he loves me more then anything. But he hasnt been in the situation here he has lost or at the point of loosing me i have always stayed by his side no matter what

[margypops]

if he is drinking and not eating he does need help and as the saying goes , you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink ...he has to want to ,you say you try to talk to him , will he be sorry to lose you ,you could tell him that he makes an effort to get well or you are not going to be his girl friend, if he cares about you he will make an effort, if he walks away .well you are wasting your life ...good luck

[salasgirl]

Thank you to both  that was a bit of help. The thing is we dont live close to eachother so little could be done. I recently found out that he is not eating at all. He is only drinking. But we all try to talk to him and when we do he gets mad and walks out telling us that we are the once with the problem

[margypops]

He can only help himself and he has to want to, so I am not certain if you can help him, but you can try,ask him to tell you the truth, if he wont discuss it it may be useless, and you should really move on...You cannot change him he is the only one who can do that .good luck

[Tab57]

It sounds like he may have issues with some type of substance since his behavior has changed noticeably. A person who has a substance abuse problem will hurt those they love the most. Lying is part of the way they try to hide things. A red flag is the fact that he his going out and not telling you where he is going.

Hopefully this is not the case for both of your sake but if it is he has to want to make the change to get off of whatever he may be on. You can't do this for him.

It sounds like you have already confronted him and he denied using drugs. If you want to try and salvage things then it would be best to seek professional advice from a drug counselor if possible.

Another alternative is for you and his family meet together and get on the same page and them have a session with him as a group. I very recently had to do the same thing concerning my nephew. Several family members met together with his girl friend who want to stay with him to discuss how we are going to handle things when he gets out of jail next month.The session went well but the next thing we have to do is to meet as a group with him to lay things out on the line. He is unwilling to change at this time.

You willingness to stay with your boyfriend is commendable but be careful. You all need to lay out how you fell aboiut his situation to him very directly but in a calm and loving manner. This is tough to pull off. He needs a message as he will use whoever he can as long as he can. As long as he has a lifeline out there (someone to enable his behavior) he has no incentive to change.

If all lifelines are gone he soon will be forced to make a decision. He then may come to someone and ask for help. He has to want to change and nobody can do this for him. You can try and steer him in the right direction but the decision will ultimately have to be his.

I hope this works out for you. Good luck and keep me posted.