Interupting my life-flashbacks, nightmares, everything...Don't know what to do! PLEASE HELP!

I don't really know how to state what I am feeling I mean...i have a lot of things going on in my head right now. I have been suicidal and depressed and everything. I have a bad history of abuse in my past of all kinds: the earliest abuse being when I was molested as an child (8 yrs old) and the most recent being this past October when I was in a abusive relationship in college... . Lately it has been bothering me really badly. I have been having flashbacks, and nightmares, and I can't sleep or stay asleep or anything. Its really interfering with my boyfriend and my relationship and just my life in general. The feelings I am having or overwhelming [it also seems to be making my bipolar disorder symptoms more intense also]. I don't know what to do at all. I have been so suicidal and just stressed that my boyfriend doesn't even let me shave my legs without coming in the bathroom to check on me and he has taken away my scissors and my knifes and there are no pills of any type in my room. I don't know what to do at all though...

[alliesong]

  
I was just about to post pretty much the same thing, and you know what? i kind of don't want people to tell me what i know they're going to say.. In my mind, i know i should get counseling, but i tried that twice and i cant open up to them. I feel trapped...and it's screwing my life up in the same ways as you. Though im not suicidal. I would just love to have support and talk and maybe thats what you want to?

allie

[Collegebeauty22]

maybe that is what I need allie....support and someone to talk to that understands...There is so much that I can't put it all on here without feeling ashamed and guilty...just the little bit I put was hard to put....

[faithfulchild]

I do understand what you both are going through.the way i deal with it is to just live one day at a time. Trying to get through one day is hard enough especially since i don't have a support system.

At one point my nightmares were so bad that i  was terrified of going to sleep.

One day i'm okay then another day im not. I feel like i exist within different realities.

I constantly feel that i am trapped in my body and just longing to be out of it. Like its this shell i am wearing. I try to explain to the few people around me but they never really get it.

My hubby is now frustrated and keeps telling me to stop follow my feelings. I feel so
defective.

[mina46]

I really think that you should go to counseling. Being suicidal is something you should take seriousely. I do. I have tried killing myself. I would cut myself. I was already to the point to say goodbye but one of my teachers notice that I wouldnt make it one more day. He called a counselor that same day and saved my life. I had couseling and it helped. I still struggle but I take it day by day and try to live life. This is something I always say " You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it." That saying helps me alot and makes me realize I will make it through. I have a friend I call everyday to talk to her when I need to talk to someone and to let her know that I am fine. I was also abused when I was 9 and after that more things like that would happen to me. You need help.Your probubly traumatized. You should try counseling it helps alot and its nice to have someone to talk.

[Collegebeauty22]

I'm going to see a counselor on campus at my school. The suicidal thoughts are getting to bad.....I feel that I can't shake the memories or the thoughts that I am having.

[jo929]

If you need someone to talk to i am always around, i am a lot older but i have a good shoulder, and am willing to listen, I am sorry that all of you have had to go through this, i do not know what to say but i have heard that some do get over it, and put it behind them, and went on with thei lives, and it takes astrong person to do this, when you let the abuser win they like that so do not let them win,,,.luck to all jo