Abuse Support Community
Is it enough to stay
About This Community:

This community is for discussions relating to emotional, physical, sexual, social, spiritual, spousal, and verbal abuse. Please note, this community is not monitored by professionals, rather questions will be answered by other members of the community.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

Is it enough to stay

I had open heart surgery at the age of 46 I am now 53 yrs old. I was in a troubled marriage for 23yrs, cheating,lying.physcial and emotional abuse. I felt like I was dying inside and finally gained the strenth to divorce him at the age of 43. When I had the heart surgery at 46yrs of age I always felt it was truly due to my broken heart,marriage and family. I met the man I am now with one year before my surgery at the time I was very ill and he insisted on being there for me and he was 100 percent. He is a single father of two and I have two of my own. My daughters had a hard time with the divorce and always made my partner know that they did'nt want him around. While his two wanted and needed a mother so I was fully accepted. We have been together 8yrs and have many, many fights over my daughters,physical,verble and emotional.I left him for 2yrs and recently we moved back in together but nothing has changed. I feel indepted to him because had he not gotten me to the hospital when he did I would'nt be writing this letter,yet the distance i feel with my adult daughters and my grandchildren make me feel that the relationship is not worth all that I'm giving up. they don't come to see me I go to them. This is not my ideal of Family.I'm feeling like moving on...
Related Discussions
13 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
1032715_tn?1315987834
How old are your daughters I'm assuming they're adults as you have grandchildren,If you love this man and enjoy being with him I would tell your daughters to grow up,Did you ever tell them who they could or couldn't be with,they need to learn to except your choice in a partner.The only thing that concerns me is that you said you feel indebted to him and not once have you said you love him,you need also to think about why your with him. Good Luck
Blank
535822_tn?1413656274
If he is abusive towrads you and you do not see your family I think it would be better for you to leave , being indebted isnt a reason for staying with someone who abuses you, if he hasnt changed he never will and it will get worse as you get older, you need to think it through keep in touch with your family do not be intimidated by him not to speak to them .Good Luck it isnt easy and I cansee your dilemma ,be strong ...
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
i to had  open heart surgery but it was due to all 4 arteries  blocked not anything ellse will cause youi to have this operation not even a broken heart when you cant breathe you have no option, but about this husband if you love him and he is good to you and he loves you tell your kids they are grown, and that you do not pick their spouses so do your own picking and to heck with the kids you will be alone someday i also would tell my daughters to behave and treat him with respect or not come back none of my 3 girls would dare criticise the man i married as they know it is my business and not theirs tell them you love them, but no bad talk about the man you married  llive your own life some kids have the idea that they can run their parents life and rhey do but not mine i am my own boss luck  jo
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Because this man saved your life back then does not put you in any obligation to repay him, and especially when there is physical, verbal and emotional abuse taking place.  This is unhealthy behavior and I can understand that your daughters were greatly affected by their exposure to this home life and they don't want anymore of it in their lives.  You are making some bad choices with men in your life.
Your daughters see this man as abusive, and maybe they see it bring out abusiveness in you.  They don't like it and they should not be subjected to this.  They have set boundaries for themselves and their families and you will have to respect this.  The bottom line is that you have to make some hard choices here.  Keep the guy and have a strained relationship with your kids, or break it off entirely and build a healthy relationship with your daughters and families.  Either way the choice is yours to make and yours to live with.  So think long and hard about it.  PS:  Get counseling to learn why you pick abusers, and how to break this cycle, before you find another man.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I did not notice the part where he was physically abusive to you if so then do not put up with him  jo
Blank
757137_tn?1347200053
Your daughters are grown women, and extremely selfish ones. If you give up the man you are with they will not become less selfish or less abusive. They will be the same, or worse, because they got you to toe the line. Take your happiness where you find it - with your partner.
Blank
1032715_tn?1315987834
The abuse was from her first husband not the second one.
Blank
1032715_tn?1315987834
I was wrong reread the post she has been abused by both of them.sosharp53 you do not have to continually live in abusive relationships leave he's not worth it if he can't treat you with respect.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Now i am confused as you are did both husbands abuse you or only your first one if it was your first one i stand with mt first  answer  luck  jo  still i would not let my kids control my life   luck  jo
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Abuse Support Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
469720_tn?1388149949
Blank
Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm-treatable... Blank
Oct 04 by Lee Kirksey, MDBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Relationships Answerers
973741_tn?1342346373
Blank
specialmom
3060903_tn?1398568723
Blank
Nighthawk61
Other
4851940_tn?1385441629
Blank
jemma116
United Kingdom
1643531_tn?1390433321
Blank
Godisfaithful
Hinesville, GA