Often when I'm reminded of my abuse I push it to the back of my head. I dont allow myself to think about it because I know that I'll break down. Did you all find it helpful to let it all out? By that I dont mean talking to a therapist, I mean letting myself remember every detail or talking to my mom about what happened. I guess that's my biggest issue, talking to my mom. She's still married to her husband after he sexually abused me and I dont know how to deal with it. I've been told not to tell my family what he did, and I havent, so they all still treat him kindly. I hate that. I cant blame them though because they dont know. I just dont want to make my mom look bad. She really isnt a bad person but its no secret her and I never had a good relationship. I feel like she doesnt love me, how could she? I cant help but think that when you hold your first child in your arms you think "Im going to protect her" but my mom didnt do that with me. She wasnt there to defend me, she picked his side. How do I cope? Should I leave it in the past, forgive, and move on? Or should I let it all out and stop hiding my pain?
It is not uncommon for a mother to disbelieve a daughter who tells her that her father, or her stepfather, abused her. Why should this be when a mother normally will fight to the death to protect a child? I know of one case personally where the father was the abuser. The mother must have known what was going on because her husband always spoke inappropriately to young girls. It was subtle and maybe a young girl wouldn't pick up on it. I told my daughters to stay clear of him.
The abuse only became known when the daughter made it public. We were all horrified, but knowing his propensities, believed her. Her mother became "outraged" and divorced her husband. By little giveaways in her behavior, I am convinced she knew all along, but kept her head in the sand because she did not want to give up her way of life. It is as simple and as disgusting as that.
this is really sad. forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. family doesnt necessarily equal friendship. reconciliation comes w/ an apology and REPENTANCE, the same as required by GOD. why should we settle for anything less?
that would be one less of a mother i would have. she sided w/ the enemy and though you should forgive him as well, lets be real w/ ourselves, you cannot continue a relationship w/ such ppl. one day you will have children if you dont already. they can never go visit "grandmas and grandpas". are these ppl you want to attend family functions w/ and spend holidays with? no way. why are they so sick? for all you know, they were abuse victims by other family members themselves. i would also tell it to the rest of the family. you must assume this man will only abuse more children he can get his hands on being he has not acknowledged his wrong and apologized to you. warn the rest. you might save someone else from this horror in the process.
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