MY WIFE SHOTS AT OUR KIDS ALL DAY LONG

[usauy]

WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST SIX YEARS  I AM 35 WIFE IS 31 AND HAVE 2 DAUGHTERS A 5 Y/O AND A 3 Y/O.
THEY ARE SIMPLY LOVELY. THEY BEHAVE VERY WELL BUT OF COURSE AS A5 AND AS A 3 Y /O NOT AS ADULTS...THEY ARE LOVELY AND THEY WOULD LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME THEY LOVE ME ALL THE TIME... I DON'T SEE THEM DOING THE SAME TO MY WIFE, IN FACT THE OLDEST ALWAYS ASKS ME WHY  HER MOTHER ALWAYS SHOUTS AT HER.
MY WIFE IS AT HOME ALL THE TIME, WHILE THE OLDER GOES TO SCHOOL THE YOUNGEST STAYS WITH HER.
I NOTICED SHE GETS FURIOUS FOR EVERYTHING WITH THE GIRLS -NOT WITH ME- AND THAT CALLS MY ATTENTION A LOT.
SHE SPANKS THEM FOR SILLY STUFF, ONLY CAUSE THEY TOUCH HER OR SIT BESIDE HER WHEN SHE WATCHES TV...SHE GETS MAD AND SOMETIMES GO TO SLEEP AND WE LOOK AT EACH OTHER TRUYING TO UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION.

I RESUME:
SHE HAS EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE , A LARGE VERY CONFORTABLE HOUSE.
SHE DOES NOT WORK
SHE DOES NOT COOK -SOMETIMES PREPARES STH TO THE GIRLS- BUT I AM THE ONE THAT BRINGS FOOD EVERY NIGHT.
SHE DOES NOT DRIVE SO I AM THE ONE CARRING HER HERE AD THERE. I HAVE TO GO TO SUPERMARKET, I TAKE MY DAUGHTER TO SCHOOL AND DOCTORS AND MY WIFE TOO.
IF I DON'T PAY THE LIGHT BILL OR THE WATER THEY SHUT IT OFF , SHE NEVER DOES IT , AND DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO IT.
A FEW MONTHS AGO, I NOTICED SHE TAKES MONEY FROM MY WALLET AND WHEN ASKED SHE DENIES IT.
AT THE BEGUINING AN ISSUE WAS IMPORTANT BUT KNOW I JUST GOT ALONG WITH IT,  SHE HAS SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH ME ONLY 2  TO 4 TIMES  THE MOST IN A MONTH.

TODAY SHE SPANKED THE GIRLS AND SHOUTED AT THEM AND I JUST TOLD HER I AM FEED UP WITH THAT SITUATION.
THE CURIOUS THING ABOUT THAT IS THAT I DESIDED NOT TO GO TO CHURCH WITH HER ANY MORE UNTIL SHE STOPS THAT BEHAVIOUR, BUT SHE GOES WITH THE GIRLS AND EVERYONE TELLS SHE IS THE BEEEEST MOTHER EVER, THAT IS WHAT SHE SHOWS, AND SMILES AND TO SO NICE TO EVERYONE , AND WHEN PEOPLE ASK ABOUT ME SHE SAYS  I AM TOO LAZY TO GO TO CHURCH...

AGAIN , THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME. I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE TELLS ME OR HOW SHE BEHAVES WITH ME.
SHE HAS EVERYTHING AND ONLY COMPLAINTS BUT THAT DOES NOT AFFECT ME , MY ONLY CONCERN IS THAT SHE HURTS THE GIRLS .
I KNOW ANSWERS ARE GOING TO BE FIND A COUNSELOR, WE LIVE IN MIAMI, I DON T KNOW HOW TO START LOOKING FOR ONE , WHERE AND HOW .WHAT TYPE OF?
PLEASE HELP ME

[princy100]

hi dear. She might be in some depression so that's she may behave like that.Sit and talk with her before taking her to counselor sort of things.Mentally she might be upset when you talk with her only you will come to know what kind of problem she is facing. As the children are small now they may not take this issue as big but when they grow and still find their mom in the same way there the problem starts.. treat her as soon as possible.

[Phoenix1980]

Hello dear. Lets consider for a moment that ur wife is going thru a mental ailment like depression. Depression can result in all sorts of negative & confusing behavior. I understand that your wife is being provided a comfortable living but clinical depression & other mental problems can exist even in ppl living the most comfortable of lives. Try talking to her about what could be bothering her or take her to a therapist to find out more.  If all of that fails too & ur wife acts least bothered about ur efforts then maybe it is time to br a little strict with her and tell her plainly that if she wants u all to remain a family than u better start noticing actual effort on her part. And then schedual meeting with a therapist & see where it goes. Wish u best of luck!

[des1980]

Get u and the girls out now. I know it's hard and its going to hurt the kids will not understand but u do. Save them they will grow up and know you protected them. Get to children services the more you are honest with them the more they help. They will work w ur family she needs anger management. I was n your wife's shoes 4 yr ago. It helped me and now my 6 kids and my hubby are happy. I know how to deal with my anger and I don't hurt anyone. It will get real bad if you don't. I know u love her so help her.and get ur angels out of there before u both lose them! I'm here if u want to talk. And im n school for psychology. Des

[Nighthawk61]

I too think that not going to church is counter productive. If I were you, not only would I go to church, but I would also make an appointment with the Pastor and ask them if there's any way they could talk to your wife, about her mothering skills?

Your wife is lying about taking $ out of your wallet? Oh my. That's concerning. That should be brought up with a counselor or paster as well i should think. There's no good excuse for lying in a marriage. It's obvious she knows that you know she's lying. It's a wonder you want to have marital relations with a woman who openly lies to you.

It's easy to find a marriage counselor in Miami, especially if you have funds. Maybe the pastor can urge her to go to marriage counseling for the sake of the kids. She needs to know that she will regret being hard on  the kids for no reason, when she gets older. Motherhood is the only thing that defines her, and to do it badly or without loving constraint is going to define HER life. She needs to be made aware.

There needs to be a time and place that you calmly bring up these actions, they lying and frustration she has with the kids. I feel so bad for your little girls :( You need to take action. Thank God you are a loving parent with your babies. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I will pray you find resolution.

[allmymarbles]

I understand about not being domestic, because I wasn't. So I always held a job. Because I brought a good amount of money home, we could afford someone go be at home with the children. Maybe this mother doesn't know what her options are. Or maybe she did not educate herself for a career.

[allmymarbles]

Could she be on drugs or alcohol? Does she have a physical ailment?

[RockRose]

I don't understand why you aren't going to church.  Of all the things you could do,  that seems kind of ineffective,  and honestly when a mom is in church with the kids it does look like you're either lazy or a nonbeliever.

Some women feel collosally put-upon when they are mothers.  I don't understand it,  at all,  I was a stay at home mom and felt like I was getting away with something. ;D  Really,  to get up every morning and decide would we go to the park?  Playgroup?  Library story hour?  Hang out in our PJs and make  playdough?   I'm not saying every moment was a delight - at all - but in general I was very,  very happy.  

I don't know about counseling.  Some women just don't like being moms and a counselor isn't going to help that.  She doesn't enjoy spending time with your children.

I think she should probably get a job instead.