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My 3 year old son says my boyfriend touched him
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My 3 year old son says my boyfriend touched him

2 weeks ago, my son was sleeping next to my boyfriend (I’ve been dating my new boyfriend for a year) My 3 yr old woke up crying ( I was in the other room with my 7 yr old)  When I walked in my bedroom, my bf said he had a bad night mare. In the morning after my bf left to work. I asked my baby why he was crying... He said my boyfriend touched him and it hurt.  He also said why did you leave me mommy?  I was sickened, scared and confused.  When I tried asking more details he became shy and didn’t want to talk anymore.  My bf was molested as a child.  My bf has been so wonderful to my boys and to me. My kids love him. Yesterday I asked my mother to ask my son if anyone has touched his private and she said right away he said, “yes and said my bf name”. I have asked my bf about it and he has denied it. I asked my 7 yr old and he claims he has never touched him. It’s difficult to believe a 3 year old would make something up like that. I asked if his daddy touched him he says no.  Would my ex husband hurt our son or my new boyfriend?  Please help. What do I do?  Since I confronted my bf my relationship has taken a toll. Any advice out there please.
A little history of my ex husband, father of my 3 yr old. I am a 32yr old single parent of two boys, 7 & 3. My divorced was finalized this yr. I was only married for 1 1/2. I left my husband due to his pornography addiction. I met my ex at a church event with my oldest son (my 7 yr old is not his) I never knew my ex had this problem. It was a horrible life experience to live with a sex addiction to internet porn. I was daily waken to his moaning, masturbation, miss treated as his ***** and he constantly scaring my son. His therapist said he needed help. Eventually he would act out on his fantasies and fetishes. When I finally left my ex, I didn’t know I was pregnant. I tried to plead to the courts my ex addiction to pornography and after his evaluation, in the state of California it’s considered a lifestyle & he is to keep his smut away from our son. Unfortunately at 8 months our son began his overnight visits.  My baby is now 3 and can communicate.  The past 3 visits he is crying his little eyes out, begging not to go with him.  The first time he did this I was very positive and said nice things about his father.  (I have never bad mouth my kid’s father. not going to mess my children’s life)
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24 Comments Post a Comment
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134578_tn?1404951303
Do everything to protect your children, including stopping having boyfriends, until you figure out why you are tolerant of things many women would not put up with, and are able to protect them from trauma by being able to spot and stay away from the guys who have sexual problems and sexual abuse in their background.  It doesn't sound like the 3-year-old is lying.  Pedophiles often put on the nice and hang around in places where women wouldn't be suspicious, and target women with children, not because they love the women so much as to get access to the children.  Please get your boyfriend out of your house and see an attorney about your ex and what your son has said there.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you Annie.
I dont know why I am tolerant of things.... My father was physically abusive to my mother and remember seeing my mother bleed.  I also believe I was molested by an uncle who lived with us and sleeped in the same room with me.  I feel like a terrible, weak mother.
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134578_tn?1404951303
Toss the boyfriend, get some counseling.  You'll be able to do that much, I think, and then the counselor can help you from there.  Don't put your kids in harm's way.  It really, really is not necessary to be living with some guy when your sons are only 7 and 3.  Not to mention letting him sleep in a bed with either of them.  You are better off with just the kids, than with some horndog hanging around for free nooky.  Add to it that he sounds like a molester, and I would get him out tonight and he should thank his lucky stars you did not go to the police.  Talk to your lawyer about your concerns regarding your ex, and see if he or she can give you some advice as to what it would take to terminate the overnight visits.
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13167_tn?1327197724
Did you just leave the room for a little while, to go to the next room to tend your 7 year old,  when your 3 year old woke up crying?  I'm just trying to completely understand.

Did you sleep with your 7 year old,  and your boyfriend slept with your 3 year old,  or did you just leave momentarily and this happened?  

Could this have been a dream?

(sorry,  I am a bit of a skeptic when a behavior comes out of the woodwork no one has seen before and if there's reason to question)
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535822_tn?1389452880
I have to agree with Rockrose this post sent up red flags on reading it ..
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm sorry marypops... I don't understand what u meant by red flags??
But to clarify that night my 7yr old came to my bedroom, said he couldn't sleep & asked if I could lay with him. I feel asleep & a few hrs later is when I woke up to his cry.
Just a few minutes ago my bf left my apt. We were laying on th couch, my 3 yr oldcame to lay w/me. When my bf placed his hand on his shoulder, my son pushed it off. I noticed my son was glued watching where he would put hishand. I grabbed my bf hand & placed it back on his shoulder. My baby pushed it off, said no and was about to cry... so I decided to confront both of them together. I asked my baby to tell my bf what he told me. With no eye contact & a low tone my baby said, "joshua touched my penne" (penis in spanish) my bf told him calmy it was nottrue & he loved him. My son shook his head & only looked at me & burried his head in my arms. My bf became upset & said he feels uncomfortable & left...why is my son behaving this way? & my bf is acting like th victim? Pls help. I feel lost & ashamed.
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13167_tn?1327197724
At this point,  you have no way of knowing who's telling the truth.

Children who are sexually abused do often name another person,  not the real perp when they make their "outcry".  His biodad is a concern,  I can see why you have suspicions.  

I just don't think you have any way to know,  which is a horrible horrible position to be in.

Best wishes.
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535822_tn?1389452880
oh sorry my terminology for believing what your son says , I think you have to make sure that the bf is not in yours or your childrens lives. I agree with what the others have said here.
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1815808_tn?1318337717
My Son at 3 told me a Policeman stuck a truncheon/baton up his bum and it made a squelching noise!

However, I would suggest listening to your son, but be mindful that they have fantastic imaginations at times.  Something about your story did sound suspicious though and I would quiz your Boyfriend further.  He will understand you need to put your mind at rest.

It's a difficult one, that's for sure...
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1668148_tn?1326831879
Please please please listen to your child. He is to young to be making something up like that. I mean think about how and why would a three year old come up w/ a story like that. I went through the same as a child w/ my mom boyfriend I told her and she ditch him. If it wasn't true then your bf or ur relationship wouldn't went down hill..  please please before its to late get rid of him.  Or you will regret it. Get him counseling that will stay with for the rest of his life.
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1841040_tn?1318638811
PLEASE LEAVE HIM U DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT AFFECT THOSE KINDS OF THNGS CAN HAVE ON CHILDREN. IT CAN LEAD TO DRUG ADDICTION AND MANY OTHER THINGS THAT WILL AFFECT HIM LATER IN LIFE AND IN THE END IT COULD ALL BE BLAMED ON U FOR PRETENDING IT NEVER HAPPENED. PLEASE DO IT FOR YOUR CHILDREN.GOOD LUCK<3
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1700643_tn?1348985292
Listen to ur child.He was scared + intimidated +still said it was him that did this in front of both of u.Sounds like u have a brave little boy.Take no chances.He has no reason2make this up
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1847469_tn?1319069114
Hello Annie. RED FLAGS PAINTED EVERYWHERE! I don't think your son would make up a story like that at such an age. I would believe your son. I am sure you know what to do from there.
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757137_tn?1347200053
What concerns me is your bad choice of men.
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Avatar_f_tn
U know wat u need to believe ur son y would ur son out of no where lie u necver know and u will have to break it off with ur nf but hey ur children come first no matter wat u have to believe him or it will dramatize him for life please listen to him
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Avatar_f_tn
Sorry to hear about your child but you need to really bring him to a doctor to get checked to make sure nothing has happened to him n keep him away from bf n never leave them alone a child at that age won't just make not in up like that for him to say that it must of happened n if it did I would make sure he goes to prison for it because no one should abuse or touch a child they are sick people who need to be punished for what they do to innocent children but whatever you do make sure you don't leave your child alone with him if he did do it he is a threat to you the community and a great danger to every one around
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Avatar_f_tn
"why is my son behaving this way"???a 3 year old who is TRYING to tell you something happened to him!you questioned your boyfriend in front of your son?and why would you place your boyfriends hand back on your sons shoulder,after he clearly didnt want it on there?LOSE THE BOYFRIENDS!you are blind to the lies and charm.!!
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3060903_tn?1398568723
If it were me, I would take my child to the doctor, and then have the doctor's office or you inform the police.  This is our responsibility to our children and to other children. No longer are we in the dark ages and this stuff should not be swept under the carpet, like no real harm no foul.  That's the only way to try and stop this from happening to another child. Please, let the authorities figure it out what happens next. I pray you do the right thing here.

Your 3 year old has no reason to lie. Have you even talked to your youngest and given him the nobody is supposed to touch your private parts speech? If he's never ever heard of this ever, how could he make it up? He' s incapable at this age of picking this up on tv i doubt, if he's watching age appropriate television.  And if he has been given the speech, and he's somehow trying to manipulate you into getting the boyfriend away from him and you, then I would say it's not a comfortable situation for your child to have this man in the house, let alone his bed, or yours.
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