My dad is abusive

[christeenlmbn]

I'm sick of him and I hate him so much that I don't feel comfortable around him or trust him anymore. He abused my mom physiclly a few years ago that it even caused bruises on her face and he kicked her out of the house for a whole night and made her sleep outside the house. I started to hear punching sounds at night and when I went to theiving room I saw my ddad hitting my mom, I shouted at him and he pushed me to the floor. And when I decence my mom he either call me with mean words or hit me. He always and everyday make fun of me and of how I physically look and calls me stupid, retard and idot and makes fun of my talents and what I do and of how failure I'm at school. He makes me feel useless that sometimes I wish he could die. I'm so depressed and I struggle with tons of other stuff at my life, I'm a failure at school and insecure and I have low self esteem and I was bullied at school and my dad didn't even give a crap about me. He embarace me everywhere. And he's so cold with me and my mother basically the whole family. He only cares about himself. I really want to die.

[Nighthawk61]

you need someone to be in your corner, a special friend to help you over the next two yeas before you're 18 and old enough to leave
you need to have the best help to prepare you for leaving them both
as i doubt you'll want to stay past your 18 th birthday if you hate your dad
and he continues to abuse you

i'm glad that your mom admits to hurting you and is trying to make up for it now. people make big mistakes, and they can change,
It takes a big person to let a person who has abused you , try to make up for it.

i really think the biggest gift and way that your mom is showing you she's changed, s by suggesting you go to a therapist, that shows how much she loves you, even though she won't look like the best mom, she's saying it's okay to talk about her past abuse, because it DOES HELP TEENAGERS TO BE OPEN AND HONEST AND NOT STUFF DOWN THEIR FEELINGS
She knows that kids that dont' get therapy often become statistics and fall by the wayside and have many problems as young adults.

Let her love you, and please consider getting yourself a "big sister" an educated young woman that wants to help you get to your best life....

[Nighthawk61]

but bottom line, as i said up there, your going to a therapist does not mean that your mom has to leave your dad
it will only teach you how to live as well as you can under their roof
and help you to prepare to look after yourself in the world.
and mentor you into the best future you could have
don't you want that for yourself,?
don't you deserve that for yourself ?
in your mom's own way, she is trying to do the right thing for suggesting that you go , do you know that you can look up and pick your own therapist online before you even go to see one ?

[Nighthawk61]

You do need to try and gain control of your life and in my opinion, your mother needs to work with a therapist and you, to get you to a better place...

has her sister told her that she can move in with her, if things become too abusive to handle? or do you know ?

I think you might be very pleasantly surprised talking to a therapist, remember it will be a child psychologist right? and they'll be extra gentle with you

the thing is, the fact that you are so frustrated to resort to self harm indicates that if you don't get help now , in your youth, you may end up self harming as an adult using drugs or alcohol, or permiscuous sex etc. Kids that dont' get help when they are still young enough to mentor and help to change unhealthy thinking. often end up having to work with a therapist down the line AFTER they start to "act out" in ways that are more harmful than hitting themselves. Thank you for sharing here how distraught you are. by the way. I appreciate your honesty, it shows your integrity (quality of being honest and fair).

Mainly, if your mom doesnt want to leave your dad, she doesn't have to, but that doesn't mean that a therapist cannot help you to deal with your dad and mom, in a way that you will feel less of the harm that they inflect upon you.

Please think of a therapist as a friend. They are angels on earth, really. They really care about people ,and what happened to them, and they genuinely care and want to help. And they have the know how, the education, to help you deal with the reality of what you are experiencing.

Don't you think your mom should know if you are thinking you'd be better off dead ?  I know you probably think that your mom has enough to deal with , with a husband like your dad, but believe me, if she's suggesting you go to a therapist, you should give it a try.

You could pick a nice young lady that could mentor you and help you to achieve your potential in school for instance, and mentor you into going to college, so you can get away from home and go to college, They will teach you how to heal from the verbal abuse. They'll give you coping tools. It's a GREAT idea that your mom had. I sure wish you would give it a try. Maybe your mom needs you to speak out for yourself so that she will be motivated in stopping what's got to be a hellish life for her too.

[christeenlmbn]

My mom has 1 sister who lives here (And she's divorced) and her other siblings lives abroad. Me and my mom are so close but I let me be honest, like I've also been abused by my mom and it hurts. But as I grew up me and my mom are super close and she's treating me as she's trying to make up everything that she's done to me. Even though if both of us are close. But I don't have the courage to tell anyone about my feelings because I don't think anyone would take my seriously, mom has always tried to let me speak my mind about what I feel but I don't trust People enough about my feelings. But she does KNOW that I hate my dad and she's always like 'He's still your dad and he do loves you'. I do understand the fact he's my dad but I don't think that if somebody loves someone else they would hurt them or abuse them, right? The last I fought with him was a few days ago because I bought something for myself by my own money, and when he saw it he started saying 'you're too stupid to buy this', 'only retarded people would buy these stuff' , oh and he tried to throw it away in the garbage until my mom started yelling at him and told him that I could do whatever I want with my money. And he continued to shout at me and calling me mean names. Of course as always I locked my room and started crying and I have a very weird habit that when I get very angry I would hit myself (Ifeel so mumuch better when I do this). Mom told me that I should be going to a therapist but I don't feel comfortable telling them because obviously they will tell my mom about how I feel.

[Nighthawk61]

I'm going to take a guess and say that you haven't told your mother how you feel... is that right?

[Nighthawk61]

I am So sorry that your dad is verbally abusive to you. Verbal abuse is just as toxic as if he hauled off and hit you numerous times with a closed fist..  The fact that his every communication is degrading and abusive, means that your psyche (pronounced   SIK EEE)  ( your soul ), is being damaged and beaten down every day all day. ...

This is why you are feeling like you do. The low self esteem is a result of you feeling belittled by your father,.  Your mother is confused, or in denail (unable to think clearly when it comes to her relationship) She should not be staying for the sake of the kids" because her kids are being harmed emotionally in ways that will hurt them for a long time to come, if she insists on staying. These are facts proven by statistics of children and how they "act out" or get in trouble when they become young adults..

To be belittled, degraded, and continually harassed to the point of wanting your dad dead, or wanting to die yourself, proves that your mom staying with your dad is a BAD idea. If you feel this way, your younger siblings (brothers and sisters) will feel this way too.as they grow up.

Listen honey, i grew up in abuse, and I can help you to think through what's happening to you. You mentioned that you do have relatives (on your mother's side I'd guess), Can you tell me about them? Is it your mother's sister? for instance. Do you know if your mom has been offered a place to stay with a relative?

[christeenlmbn]

I'm 16 years old, and during my childhood i always thiught that 'abuse is common in famillies', but when I grew up and realized that abuse is not okay at all, my mom literally told me about the reasons behind her problems with my dad, I mean he used to leave us at home for weeks or sometimes a month for his work and we were 'okay' about it but my mom found it that my dad is hanging out with another girl and he promised that he won't hang outwith her again but he sseemed to be lying all over again. My mom can't leave my dad because its going to be tough on us to live with our relatives, and because it will affect my younger siblings emotionally that mom and dad are getting divorce.

[Nighthawk61]

I came from an abusive home too. I know that you feel like ending your life, because you're scared on the inside that you're not going to be equipped to have a good life with how you've been raised. It felt like to me that life was a big test and I simply wasn't prepared because my formative years were spent watching a bad movie unfold daily.You might be even more confused because your mother refuses to leave for whatever reason, and underneath it all , you may feel you can't trust anybody because of it.

I wish i knew you in your life, and we were able to sit down and talk, and I could give you a big hug, and tell you that this does not have to define you and your life. That This Too Shall Pass.

Can you tell us how old you are? and have you always remembered this type of abuse going on at home? Does your mother have any relatives that you and her might live with, if your mom would agree to leave your dad?

[BluCrystal]

NO DYING!  You have your whole life ahead of you, without him in it!  And Iknow you wouldn't just leave your poor mom.  I think you should go to your  school counselor and tell them what is happening at your house.  They can then contact social services, who will come to your house and remove you to a safe place, and maybe even put your dad in jail for abuse - they won't just leave your mom alone with your dad.  Once your dad has a court hearing (within a month), he will be given a restraining order against you and your mom  (that is a legal thing that says he is not allowed to be anywhere near either of you), then you will be allowed to go back home to be with your mom.  Allof that sounds scary, I know.  But it's that or do nothing and allow the abuse to continue.  Blessings - Blu