Aa
My drug supplying verbally abusive father.
So.. I have a post on my first time quitting methamphetamine, and someone brought up my father. I didn't know where else to go for advice.
He bribed me into trying it when I was 19. I played with it for about a week, then he went to prison for roughly two years. Right before he ended up getting out of prison for a fed charge, I had tries it again with my detoxing boyfriend. Then again about a week before I broke up with him I was sucked into this drug house and I had my own dealers. I let them go with my number change.
But now, after a little less than a year back in prison, he's out and using a hell of a lot of that ****. He has a drug test Monday so with what's going on I hope he fails. When I was nine he had me so entirely brainwashed I truly believed no matter what happened around me it was my fault. He bought me candy and used my grandparents money? Not like I asked for it or even could take the money with me that young, but when they found out he said it was my fault. Just an example. This went on to such extremes by the time I was ten I had to see a therapist for months. Then every guy I was with afterwords for some reason was almost the same way or worse. Since he has been out this time he has started getting it directly from the maker, so it's uncut and.. idek any words. And he brings me insane large amounts to me daily, before now stopping was easy. I've never had severe withdrawals. But I'm the kind of person who can't so no to drugs. Crazy thing tho, three days ago he had basically kidnapped me. Telling me he was wasting all of his money on some unspecialized ***** (me) and various reasons my family hates me. (I never ask for the drug) he just went on and on about how really everything in his life is my fault and how everyone feels the same (under the influence of drugs he's basically planting that seed) he took us to the bridge near my home, and screamed how no one would care if he killed both us us, and slammed into the concrete. Played it off before it was too late, and sung into the 7/11 yelling at me because I wanted something to drink. I hadn't said a word by this point, just shaking and crying like I haven't before (tho this is fairly normal just not to the extent.) After that he came back and threatened me to stop crying and be happy. The only way I could get back home was to play nice, to suddenly be a kid again. Idk how I did it but he let me out. I had texted my fiance the second I was taken and when i i walked through the door I just broke down. My fiance fell asleep after replying to my kidnap message, said I should have expected my dad would do that (his mom has also stated how it's my fault I've been raped and molested by five years old by family.) More my fault kinda stuff. So I lost it. I tried to get my dads number blocked and it couldn't happen with my plan. So I tried ignoring him. He called roughly 70 times a day with well over 100 texts back and forth on his fault or my fault. I couldn't even use my phone with how he was blowing it up. Eventually I had to call back, and he decided more drugs was the answer (he bought me off as a kid.) And since then if I don't text him back immediately or call Hm, it's another blowing up my phone. I'm trying to quit meth and I keep begging him not to bring it because I decided three says ago after he tried ******* kill me. But he still brings it. I know that if ibtrybfor law enforcement I'd have to tell them about EVERYTHING. He'd be back in prison and if anyone found out I'd been using I could have my life destroyed. By family and government, but I can't go into that part. I'm scared for my life, I'm scared of my addiction, I'm praying for him to go back to prison. I don't know how to get away from him. I'm just flat out scared.
I know this was long, I didn't know how I could shorten it. But if anyone has the time to read or any advice they could give I would be so grateful. Anyone I could bring it up to only says it is my fault as well, but I never asked for drugs or even him back in my life.
I need him to go away.
He bribed me into trying it when I was 19. I played with it for about a week, then he went to prison for roughly two years. Right before he ended up getting out of prison for a fed charge, I had tries it again with my detoxing boyfriend. Then again about a week before I broke up with him I was sucked into this drug house and I had my own dealers. I let them go with my number change.
But now, after a little less than a year back in prison, he's out and using a hell of a lot of that ****. He has a drug test Monday so with what's going on I hope he fails. When I was nine he had me so entirely brainwashed I truly believed no matter what happened around me it was my fault. He bought me candy and used my grandparents money? Not like I asked for it or even could take the money with me that young, but when they found out he said it was my fault. Just an example. This went on to such extremes by the time I was ten I had to see a therapist for months. Then every guy I was with afterwords for some reason was almost the same way or worse. Since he has been out this time he has started getting it directly from the maker, so it's uncut and.. idek any words. And he brings me insane large amounts to me daily, before now stopping was easy. I've never had severe withdrawals. But I'm the kind of person who can't so no to drugs. Crazy thing tho, three days ago he had basically kidnapped me. Telling me he was wasting all of his money on some unspecialized ***** (me) and various reasons my family hates me. (I never ask for the drug) he just went on and on about how really everything in his life is my fault and how everyone feels the same (under the influence of drugs he's basically planting that seed) he took us to the bridge near my home, and screamed how no one would care if he killed both us us, and slammed into the concrete. Played it off before it was too late, and sung into the 7/11 yelling at me because I wanted something to drink. I hadn't said a word by this point, just shaking and crying like I haven't before (tho this is fairly normal just not to the extent.) After that he came back and threatened me to stop crying and be happy. The only way I could get back home was to play nice, to suddenly be a kid again. Idk how I did it but he let me out. I had texted my fiance the second I was taken and when i i walked through the door I just broke down. My fiance fell asleep after replying to my kidnap message, said I should have expected my dad would do that (his mom has also stated how it's my fault I've been raped and molested by five years old by family.) More my fault kinda stuff. So I lost it. I tried to get my dads number blocked and it couldn't happen with my plan. So I tried ignoring him. He called roughly 70 times a day with well over 100 texts back and forth on his fault or my fault. I couldn't even use my phone with how he was blowing it up. Eventually I had to call back, and he decided more drugs was the answer (he bought me off as a kid.) And since then if I don't text him back immediately or call Hm, it's another blowing up my phone. I'm trying to quit meth and I keep begging him not to bring it because I decided three says ago after he tried ******* kill me. But he still brings it. I know that if ibtrybfor law enforcement I'd have to tell them about EVERYTHING. He'd be back in prison and if anyone found out I'd been using I could have my life destroyed. By family and government, but I can't go into that part. I'm scared for my life, I'm scared of my addiction, I'm praying for him to go back to prison. I don't know how to get away from him. I'm just flat out scared.
I know this was long, I didn't know how I could shorten it. But if anyone has the time to read or any advice they could give I would be so grateful. Anyone I could bring it up to only says it is my fault as well, but I never asked for drugs or even him back in my life.
I need him to go away.
Right, you have gotten a lot of support, and you will continue to do so, and I know I will be hated on for saying this.. but I have to stay true to myself.
I don't believe a word coming out of your mouth. Your posts are contradicting each other. Sorry, but that is just how I feel.
HOWEVER... despite not believing all of what you have said, I do think you have some deep issues that you need to work through. I really think you need professional help, is there any way you can be referred to a mental health team?
As for the rest of this comment, I am going to comment as if everything you said is true. Mostly because I think there is truth in there, I just don't know what bits. It may just be that you have slightly exaggerated certain things I don't know.
So, going on everything you said, there are a few things you need to do. Firstly, you need to move. Secondly, you need to change your mobile number. You need to get away from anyone that can give you a hit. Don't let your father know where you are at any cost. If he finds you, move. Go to Women's Shelters if you have to. It sounds like you get along with your mother, so ask her for support. I know she is at the end of her rope but she will want to help you, she is your mum. Are there any charities near you that can help you out to get you far away?
Things wont be easy. I know you say turning the drugs down is impossible, and trust me I know how that feels. But in actual fact it is really easy. Just. Say. No That is it. Just say no. And yes, I know that sounds a lot easier than it is. The truth is the only way you will beat this is with sheer will power. I do think you need to see a doctor and get some counselling and therapy. Are you eligible for Medicaid? (Presuming you live in the states), they may be able to help.
But I do think you need to remove yourself from the situation completely to recover... and perhaps join a support group where you move to so you can make some friends? Your partner may have to wait a little while to join you but I hope you being clean is worth that?
Perhaps when you are stronger you will be able to go back home.. but if you go too early you could be right back to square one, so it is something to think carefully about.
I do understand, you know. I was abused for 7 years from the age of 6 and my daughter is the result of a rape when I was 15. And my mum just told me I should have fought harder. I had an abusive boyfriend and I even turned to the sex industry when I had nothing. I have PTSD, GAD, DID, MDD, and BPD. All stemming from my childhood. I have also struggled with addiction to morphine. So, presuming everything you said is true, we have been in a somewhat similar boat, even if there are big differences.
The best piece of advice I can give you is this: No one will ever be able to love you enough until you learn to love yourself. Or, as RuPaul would say "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else".
This is a journey that YOU have to make. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better but I can't. This is something you are going to have to work at hard. If you do decide to stay, then things will be even harder so you will have to be even stronger. But you can do it if you really want to. Get a support buddy and call them every time you are feeling the urge. I would offer you my number but it would cost you a fortune calling another country lol. There are plenty of people around that are ready and willing to help, you just need to find them.
I know you wont like what I said, particularly at the beginning. And if it offends you or upsets you, I am sorry. But I want you to know that we will support you regardless of your back story. IF (and I know it is a big if) you are embellishing the story a little, I just want you to know you don't have to. We will be here anyway. And if everything you said happened exactly as you said it did, then I apologise.
I don't believe a word coming out of your mouth. Your posts are contradicting each other. Sorry, but that is just how I feel.
HOWEVER... despite not believing all of what you have said, I do think you have some deep issues that you need to work through. I really think you need professional help, is there any way you can be referred to a mental health team?
As for the rest of this comment, I am going to comment as if everything you said is true. Mostly because I think there is truth in there, I just don't know what bits. It may just be that you have slightly exaggerated certain things I don't know.
So, going on everything you said, there are a few things you need to do. Firstly, you need to move. Secondly, you need to change your mobile number. You need to get away from anyone that can give you a hit. Don't let your father know where you are at any cost. If he finds you, move. Go to Women's Shelters if you have to. It sounds like you get along with your mother, so ask her for support. I know she is at the end of her rope but she will want to help you, she is your mum. Are there any charities near you that can help you out to get you far away?
Things wont be easy. I know you say turning the drugs down is impossible, and trust me I know how that feels. But in actual fact it is really easy. Just. Say. No That is it. Just say no. And yes, I know that sounds a lot easier than it is. The truth is the only way you will beat this is with sheer will power. I do think you need to see a doctor and get some counselling and therapy. Are you eligible for Medicaid? (Presuming you live in the states), they may be able to help.
But I do think you need to remove yourself from the situation completely to recover... and perhaps join a support group where you move to so you can make some friends? Your partner may have to wait a little while to join you but I hope you being clean is worth that?
Perhaps when you are stronger you will be able to go back home.. but if you go too early you could be right back to square one, so it is something to think carefully about.
I do understand, you know. I was abused for 7 years from the age of 6 and my daughter is the result of a rape when I was 15. And my mum just told me I should have fought harder. I had an abusive boyfriend and I even turned to the sex industry when I had nothing. I have PTSD, GAD, DID, MDD, and BPD. All stemming from my childhood. I have also struggled with addiction to morphine. So, presuming everything you said is true, we have been in a somewhat similar boat, even if there are big differences.
The best piece of advice I can give you is this: No one will ever be able to love you enough until you learn to love yourself. Or, as RuPaul would say "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else".
This is a journey that YOU have to make. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better but I can't. This is something you are going to have to work at hard. If you do decide to stay, then things will be even harder so you will have to be even stronger. But you can do it if you really want to. Get a support buddy and call them every time you are feeling the urge. I would offer you my number but it would cost you a fortune calling another country lol. There are plenty of people around that are ready and willing to help, you just need to find them.
I know you wont like what I said, particularly at the beginning. And if it offends you or upsets you, I am sorry. But I want you to know that we will support you regardless of your back story. IF (and I know it is a big if) you are embellishing the story a little, I just want you to know you don't have to. We will be here anyway. And if everything you said happened exactly as you said it did, then I apologise.
Agrr sorry hun I thought that was someone else posting on the thread! I am in the middle of writing a reply to you so bear with me.
I am sorry for your situation but I think you need to start your own post if you want support, this answer isn't very helpful to the OP. If I see you post I will comment on that for you hun. xxx
Rape is a factor why you are using, yes? In treatment you can talk about what happened to you. In recovery you will be able to deal with what's happened in the past. Your fiance is not capable of making this better for you, you need professionals to help you move on and create a good life for yourself AND you have to want it, badly.
The first thing you need to do, is to get a new number, and give it to no one that knows him. or only to people you can trust won't give him the number.
Have you tried that yet?
Secondly, you can tell him that he can do this two ways. He can never contact you or you can go to the police and get a restraining order (so that he can't come within a certain distance of you).
Your boyfriend/fiance seems not to believe that you are trying to get away from your step father ? Is that so ?
You need to detox, and get a program of recovery like AA or NA or CA. Just like any addict, it takes courage and resolve to get a stay in recovery.
But first you have to answer the question. Step One. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol (meth) and our lives had become unmanageable. Is that you?
Have you tried that yet?
Secondly, you can tell him that he can do this two ways. He can never contact you or you can go to the police and get a restraining order (so that he can't come within a certain distance of you).
Your boyfriend/fiance seems not to believe that you are trying to get away from your step father ? Is that so ?
You need to detox, and get a program of recovery like AA or NA or CA. Just like any addict, it takes courage and resolve to get a stay in recovery.
But first you have to answer the question. Step One. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol (meth) and our lives had become unmanageable. Is that you?
Is there nowhere you can go that he can't find you? It sounds like you're so predictable to him and your phone is known to him and all. I'd try to take steps to find a shelter house where they help people detox. No social services at all where you live?
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