Tiger, I don't think you've hit the nail on the head yet. I've known a couple diagnosed narcissists, and they are kind of unmistakable. They will tell you, in clear language, that they are better than humans, they are more talented and more valuable than anyone else. They'll actually tell you that, and they fully believe they are somewhere above human. This isn't you.
I think you have an anger problem. Your anger at your mother, that has spread to all women and has made you unable to have relationships with women because you can't stand to be supervised or critiqued by them, even fairly, even for a moment.
I've never seen you state anything that indicates you are better than other people, rather, you are seething with rage on a daily basis. That's not narcissism.
I think you're closing in on finding out what would help you heal, and I think you are showing great courage in trying to find out what will heal you.
I think you should start with anger management.
No you are not ,you narcissists enjoy life too much, I expect most people think of dying at sometime , maybe as you are asking that question,' how do you make the life of others around you less miserable ', you are wanting to change , and is it not true we are the ones who can change if we want to, they cannot change us.Make a list of the ways you make them miserable and go to it ,one piece at a time..