Need help for my 5yr old son

[Ns4393]

Im going to get straight to the point. My sons father remarried and is now living with a woman I have barely met. My son came home from his week long visit at his fathers house and has been exhibiting signs which is making me think one of them is molesting him. He pulls his shirt up then tries to pull mine up and asks if we can rub bellies, while I was laying in bed and watching a movie he climbed up over me and was attempting to dry hump me, every time he wants to kiss me he puts his hands behind my head, closes his eyes, opens his mouth and starts moving his head side to side, and when I tell him no mommy and kids don't do those things he immediately asked me if we could play "White Wedding" and kiss each other a lot. So I immediately called the police and social services. There reply to me was because there was no physical evidence found during his exam its considered here say and they wont be investigating it any further. Ive tried getting the child advocacy center for abused children in my area to please investigate this and there answer was the same, without physical evidence they cant investigate this any further. When it was time for my son to go back his father used our court order against me and I had to take him back there. When I told my son he had to go to his dads house he started crying hysterically and then wet himself and pooped himself. Im on the verge of taking this matter into my hands because my son refuses to talk to these people about whats being done to him and theres no physical signs of sex no one will help. I feel like a failure of a mother because without kidnapping my son or getting rid of his father/stepmother I cant help him. If anyone knows any other agencies that would be willing to help please let me know. I live in Frederick county Virginia.........

[RockRose]

I think this may be a lesser explanation to this.  It may be simply ,  he's witnessing a LOT of kissing and inappropriate making out between his dad and his new wife,  and he's copying the White Wedding kiss that he witnessed and that woke something up in him that he wants to repeat.

And I would also guess that he doesn't get nearly  the affectionate attention at his dad's house that he gets at yours,  and it's also embarrassing to him to keep being questioned about why he wants to play White Wedding and participate in presexualized behavior.    

Of course,  this is only thinking out loud - and I've seen this very sexualized behavior in small children who are around lots and lots of inappropriate passionate kissing with new partners of the parents - so I think seeking further therapist input is a good idea.   But it may not be all as bad as it seems right now.  

Best wishes.

[Katy_LM]

The child advocacy center should be able to refer you to therapists in your area that specialize in victims of child sexual abuse. With the obvious emotional trauma that your son is exhibiting, it is clear that he has endured something traumatic. Hopefully, once he becomes comfortable with his therapist, he will disclose something incriminating against whoever hurt him. Once he does, the therapist is legally obligated to report it to the police who are obligated to investigate the claim. Some abuse may not leave any physical evidence, but the police have other ways to prove what your son went through.

I know from personal experience how devastating this must be to you, but do not allow your pain and your desire to protect your son to cause you to break the law. I know that you have his best interests at heart, but if you get caught, you would go to jail and your son would be forced to live with your ex and his girlfriend. He needs you, and you can't help him from prison (where his abuser belongs). Just be present in his life and supportive of anything that he has to say. Things will get better.

[Ns4393]

Ive actually kept that in mind. I did actually find one in my area and he has his first appointment with her on the Friday he comes back over there. Thanks for all the support I really appreciate it.

[AnnieBrooke]

One other thing to keep in mind is that not your ex and not his girlfriend but someone else over there (an older kid, or a babysitter) might be the person causing this stress.  In other words, don't let your suspicions cause you to name someone who might be innocent in this.

Good luck finding a child forensic psychologist.

[Ns4393]

Ive called the 8 child therapists that are in my area and none of them specialize in the kind of help my son needs. My lawyer has contacted last night at 930pm and told me last option if he doesn't start talking is a child forensic psychologist. So I'll be searching and contacting the ones I find later this morning.

[AnnieBrooke]

Try getting the child to a therapist.  It is possible the therapist will succeed in getting the child to talk about what has been going on.

[Ns4393]

Ive tried talking to my son and ive told him if he doesn't say something to the people when they talk to him his going to have to keep going to visit with daddy. But whenever anyone asks him anything about it he either gets violent and hostile or cries hysterically to point of vomiting. But he wont talk. My lawyer submitted court papers for an emergency change of the custody and visitation order but the rejected it due to lack of physical evidence. My lawyer even tried talking to my son a few days and just simply asked hey who plays the wedding game with you that you want to play with mommy. He hit her in the eye and screamed at her to shut up and then crawled under desk and was crying. Im at the end of my rope as to how to help him. Im afraid for my sons physical and mental and emotional health but I don't know if there are even anymore options to get him help and get him away from his father/stepmother if he wont talk. I don't want him to be one of those kids that's keeps it in till hes 16 or older. I want this to stop and stop now. I haven't slept in days im causing myself chest pains bc im afraid for my child.

[AnnieBrooke]

It sounds bad.  I would go back to the child advocacy center and tell them what happened when he was told he had to go back.  The other thing is, even at age 5, he is old enough to understand that unless he tells someone why he is distressed, he will not be able to protect himself from having to go see them.  Have you talked to your lawyer about all of this?  What does he or she say?