Need some advice for GF kid

[home143]

So, I started dating an old friend almost a year ago and she and her kids moved in about 4 months ago. Short background-- I grew up wrestling/rough housing with my dad and have done so with my 3 kids(all girls) and my gf's kids.(1 girl and 2 boys)  They love it and enjoy the interactivity.  Recent-- Lately though, her daughter has been asking for a lot of piggy back rides which I give to all of them but she will deliberately get loose and start falling so that my hands touch her privates.  I have stopped giving them after i noticed a pattern forming and became uncomfortable.  I didn't say anything to the mom as I didn't want to look like a creepo or molester. A new thing though it that she has become scared of her room which hasn't been an issue in the first 3 months she was here.  First it was a closet with no door, then it was not enough light and now she doesn't want to sleep alone.  Her mom usually puts her to bed but she tries to get me to bring her most nights.  Which isn't a problem since her mom is home every night to put her to bed except when friends call to get together. The last time i put her to bed when mom was out is prob the last time ever.  She tried to pull me on top of her with her legs apart and she kept trying to kiss me to which I kept telling her was very inappropriate.  I asked her mom what she does on her tablet and we checked her viewing and found her watching videos about pregnancy and big bellies among cartoons and normal things.... Mom took her tablet away.  She lives here all week and sees her dad who has a male roommate on the weekend.  I don't want to insinuate anything but I think something may have happened or is wrong... I dont know where to start with talking with mom and I have tried to ask the kid if anything was wrong.  Am I in the wrong to do anything?? Shes 6 turning 7 soon. Please help.

[AnnieBrooke]

Show the mom what you wrote here, and talk together to a family counselor.  If something is going on, you need to learn it, but you also don't want to make false accusations.  Any questioning of the child might be best done by the counselor after you three discuss the situation.  (And should probably be filmed when she does talk to the child, so there will be no accusation later if charges are brought that the child was questioned in a way that coached her to say things that weren't true.)  The reason for all this caution is that when there is suspicion that something has happened to a child, accusations can fly around that you are the molester from the person who is the molester, and/or assumptions can be made that aren't even true at all.  Get the question of sexual abuse figured out right away.

Regarding the child being frightened of going to sleep alone, once you are sure the child is merely anxious in general and not being molested (and of course, that is the biggest thing to deal with), you and your wife should get the book "What to Do When You Dread Your Bed" by Dawn Huebner, and work through it with the child.  (It's a workbook, you don't just read it to the kid and everything is magically OK.)  It is very well done and I can tell you from experience that you don't want this bedtime-fear thing to be a continuing issue.

But again, since she could be the victim of the dad's roommate or someone else, you really need to sort this out first and take it very seriously.  

Good luck, I'm sorry this has fallen on your plate and sorry if it is true.  What you can do for this child is model that not all men are bad.  If she is being molested, you can show that most men would find that an outrage and that you will fight to protect any child from any predatory adult.

[AnnieBrooke]

Also, if you and your girlfriend decide not to have the family counselor be the one who questions the child, your girlfriend should do it, not you, and she should film the discussion (for the same reason as the counselor filming it -- you don't want to open yourselves to the accusation that the child was coached or led into saying things).  She should tell the child that a kid's body should not be touched in its private places by an adult, and that nobody wants that to happen, and then see what the child says, rather than going right at it with a question that is a leading question about a particular person.  (In other words, "Did Larry touch you?" would look like Mom is coaching her daughter to suspect Larry and be frightened of him.)  It really would be better to have the professional do the asking, but in some cases a kid would be put off by that.  Anyway, good luck again.