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897990 tn?1248268956

Pain years after rape

Hi all,
I was in a horrible marriage for a long time and went through alot of abuse. The most traumatic was when he raped me a few days after giving birth and tore out a bunch of my stitches. It was very awful, I have been working with a counselor to get through it but he feels that I need to see a phychiatrist. I am now in a very wonderful relationship and am having alot of trouble with intimacy and opening up. We have been together for 2 years now and he is very understanding about all this but I feel like I am ready to really let him in now but something is always stopping me from being really affectionate and I get very nervous before and during sex. Also I have this recurrent pelvic pain especially during ovulation and sometimes it is very bad during sex. Does anyone else have this and what could it be caused from?
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897990 tn?1248268956
Yes I have actually written it all down before and I do still have that here . It was meant to be given to my bf but I never did get up the nerve to do it. We were just talking about it again a few minutes ago and I explained to him about how when the physical pain comes back so to do the memories of why I have the pain. Also when the pain is bad is when I start getting flashbacks and nightmares. So now at least he knows that part. He said he thought I just was not an affectionate person and so he got used to that and assumed I didn;t really want him to be affectionate either. He has stated also that he would be willing to participate in the counseling with me if thats something that I want. I did tell him that I DO need that affection and closeness even if I dont act like it because being close to him really helps me to feel safe and forget even if just for awhile. I guess the next thing is to give him those papers with all my experiences...it actually states everything that I went through during the whole marriage not just the rape but I think I will enjoy these close moments tonight and let him read it tomorrow. Also I need to work on being more affectionate myself because I realize this is a 2 way street and he has needs as well so maybe my counselor can help me figure a way to  make that easier. Thanks for reading and for your kind words.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Have you ever considered writing it down? Or you could just print out what you wrote above. It pretty much sums up the way you feel and could likely make sense to him. It has been my personal experience that having a loving and understanding partner goes along way in helping to deal with our demons and as I said previously, the good experiences and the closeness that you now share can replace a lot of the bad memories. Yours is a tragic situation but you have such a wonderful and full future ahead of you. Keep me posted on what you decide k? Hugs
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897990 tn?1248268956
Thanks so much...i have tried many times to tell my man about this. I mean I have told him that it happened but I have never gone into detail about it with anybody. Everytime I try i just get so tense and my heart is pounding and then I just break down. I think that is really what is holding me back because I have never gone through the process of telling it all I dunno. oh and I forgot to mention I have been for many external and internal ultrasounds and colposcopies and biopsies from my cervix and my doc says I am just a mystery nothing ever shows up wrong. I really dont think the pain is phychological either it is extremly bad but I never told my doc about the rape just the pain so maybe she was looking for the wrong things.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Make your significant other aware of what you went thru and what your currently feel and if he is any kind of a guy he will help you. What you need is to allow him to replace the horror with good and kindness and eventually he can help you put the bad behind you. As far as the pain, see a good obgyn first to rule out any damage that could have been done or scar tissue from it and then mention it to a psychiatrist. It is time to take back the power from that scumbag and have a wonderful life, let your fellow help you, he is what you need.
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757137 tn?1347196453
I suspect the pain you have is physical not psychological. Go to see an ob-gyn.
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