Possible sexual abuse/ child masterbation(masturbation)

I have been masterbating (masturbating) since I can remember, and I always reached orgasm; I didn't know about sex but I liked doing it because I felt 'naughty' and when I was a bit older (from the age of 6) I used to think about seeing a boy naked and wanting to touch them. I also had thoughts of having a penis and going to the toilet with the boys.

When I was playing with my friend, we used to pretend to get married (to big teddy bears) and have babies and I would make us 'pretend' to have sex with the teddy bears and I would masterbate to orgasm.

During my teenage years I had issues with sexuality and my sexual identity. Sometimes I thought I was gay, sometimes I felt straight, sometimes I wanted to have a sex change to be a boy.

In my early 20s I became very sexually active, I was reckless and 'doing' whoever wanted too.

I have also had a lot of issues with anxiety and stress. Despite this I did very well at school and was an over achiever.

I am currently engaged to a wonderful man and am loyal to him. In the last 2 months I have been diagnosed with boderline line personality and bipolar 2. I have been hospilized and spent a night in jail (for violent/manic behaivour).

I am working through all these issues with a councellor but I cant help wonder if I was sexually abused when I was younger (I have vague memories of something not right but have zero idea who it would have been and if it is even true or I am making it up).

[margypops]

There has been shown to be a connection between excessive masturbation and abuse in small children, ,it may not be in your case, it could be you have heard ,even here, and read so much about abuse that it seems that you may have been ,not all children who become anxious have been abused  I would say some counseling may help you .

[bigz2011]

some borderline problems exist here. yes you may have achieved well academically because you may be a bright girl but it is probably the same intelligence that is alerting you to something not being or feeling right. You must have been exposed to some inproper conduct to be mastubating at such an early age and even knowing or experiencing the feeling of orgasm. No young person at heart will masturbate to the feeling of orgasm.

However not suggesting actual sexual intercourse or contact by somebody but probably some misconduct or inappropiate causes such as pornography, witnessing parents.

Can you remember vaguely why these things made you feel naughty? Because being so young it should be innocent and the feeling of being naughty or good shouldnt really exist.