Sexually abused as a child?

I have some deep memories/feelings about things as a child and think I might have been sexually abused by a parent/family member.  Can you "hide" these feelings so deep that you really don't know and how do you get these to come out.  I know I have a lot of hangups now and I just wonder if I could have been abused as a child.  Any help/suggestions?

[margypops]

I think you would know if you have been abused but I also think sometimes the feelings are hidden as our minds cant process it, are you having Flash backs of incidents? or is it in your own behavior ?

[jml1986]

I don't know if you can bury that kind of thing or not. I tend to lean towards not, only because being an abuse victum myself, I don't think there is anyway possible that I could have buried that type of memory. However, I know that I am only myself, and I can not speak for others.

[RockRose]

Research "recovered memories",  kathy.  They tend to not be reliable.

Best wishes in your quest.

[AnnaE]

I do not believe that recovered memories are what she speaks of.

She is speaking of repressed feelings and memories. These are genuine and she wants to know if these are relevant to her. A professional counselor can help you know. If you decide this a route you want to take, seek one who is experienced in abuse. You can also ask a question on the mental health expert column.

[AnxiousGurl]

it's a possibiliy youve repressed them and cant remember them, I think therapy might help

[YogiDharma]

Yes, you can suppress memories that you are not able to cope with. They will colour your behaviour and actions until you are able to deal with the memories.

Seek some assistance in coping with the memories and sort our what they actually mean.

Namaste,
Dharma

[RockRose]

Yogi,  it does happen that children who have been through trauma can suppress or change memories.  What is unlikely,  though,  is that you can recover an accurate memory after that happens.  In cases of war trauma,  house fires,  siblings being killed,  etc.,  where there is someone who remembers exactly what happened - what usually happens is  the person who repressed the memory can't come up with a memory that matches what really happened.

In the case of recovering memories of early child abuse,  where there is no corroborating evidence,  or no other people there to agree or disagree with the memories,  or help the person clarify,  the chances of recovering a viable true memory of an event that happened is very small.

In the 80's this was accepted practice among many therapists - to try to draw out memories that have been forgotten in order to explain behavior that appears to be linked to past abuse.  This is no longer accepted,  and has been disavowed by the Psychiatric Association and the AMA.

Many lives have been ruined because of incorrect memories.  Google Repressed False Memory Syndrome.  

It's not reliable,  and in fact,  it's dangerous.

[YogiDharma]

Dear RockRose,

Yes you are right that the memories can be triggered and have false meanings. It is hence also very important to seek help and find out for yourself what you are to do with it. If they are false, so much better, which in many of the cases are true and that it is no longer accepted to work with drawing memories out is good.

If you read my post, I am saying that you can. If she does not seek help, the mind is so powerful that it can become dangerous. The mind can convince you of so many things, all you have to do is convince yourself. That then takes us to the Repressed False Memory Syndrome. Also we have those who just simply will suggest abuse, to get attention. Keep in mind, there are those who do have correct memories. What are we to do then?

[AnnaE]

We work on the feelings that are a result of these real traumatic experiences, and we try to heal.

Right?

[YogiDharma]

We do the best we can with what we got.

Namaste,
Dharma

[kathyjoe]

Thank all of you who responded to my post.  When I say I "think" I might have been sexually abused, what I do remember though is that at a very early age (4 years old), I remember putting on a sanitary pad and my mother knowing.  Now how would I know about that if I hadn't seen my mother use one.  Also, I remember "breastfeeding" and I must have been 3, 4, or 5 but not all the time.  That is too old.  Things I remember may not have been sexual abuse.

[Angie3390]

I would like to say to you that I myself was sexually abused at a very young age by a family member. Many things I do remember, but I also have periods of "lost time". I know with every fiber of my soul that the things that I don't remember are worse than the things that I do remember. Hypnosis had been suggested to me, but as I have not gone down that path I can't say for sure that it works. Maybe it would help you. For myself, I think that if God thought I could handle the lost memories he would give them back to me.

[faithfulchild]

I have some memory problems as well both about my past and  have been having 'lost time" presently too. I have experienced what Rocky Rose speaks of where i  actually altered my own memories just to block out the ones that are too painful. Had it not been for my sister who was experiencing the same abuse i would have gone on deceiving myself.To be really honest, the pain it caused me would have been better off stayed buried. I lost trust in a lot of people who were very precious to me.

I guess what i am trying to say is that if you are having these feelings they must be coming from somewhere. It is quite up to you to decide where you what you want to do with them. I do suggest thought that you speak to a therapist about them because they can escalate into something more dangerous...such as paranoia.

Where i stand it is not unusual for a child to try to breastfeed. I mean, i have a daughter who is two and if i should have a child now, chances are I'd have to breastfeed sometimes while she is around...children love to mimic adults. Where the napkin is concerned that should have been a private matter and something that no one would want any one to see being done but i still don't see how that can be linked to sexual abuse...( just my opinion)

Anyhow, if your feelings are so strong i do suggest that you speak to someone about them. Not knowing where these feelings are coming from can be very difficult to handle....

hope this helped

[BrokenTapestry1019]

When children are abused over and over again and it is very severe their mind fragments and creates alter personalities to hold the memories because it is unsafe to remember what happened. So what happens is the child is able to create another self or alter to take the pain and memory. There is a place that can help people with this it is call Spiritual Freedom Chruch. There is one located in Waco, Texas and Arlington, Texas. The pastors name is Bruce Hines. They are very good at helping broken people.