Unsure and Afraid

[CatherineKat]

I've been living with my abusive boyfriend since october of 09. Things were great until we moved in together. He hits me for the slightest thing and talks to me like I'm his slave. I've been convincing myself that hell change, and I still think he will but the choice was recently taken from me. I've never told my family about the abuse because my dad would literally kill him. Recently my mom asked if he'd hit me, I told her no but my father showed up at my work today and told me that he and my uncle are moving me out of the apartment and they weren't having any arguments about it.

Being told to do this has given me a bittersweet realization. On one hand it feels good to release some of the stress from dealing with this alone and I feel much safer now that my dads involved but he's threatened to kill me on more than one occasion which is why I've been so afraid to leave him.

My situation is much better than most I imagine. My father is moving me into a new apartmentt, but my boyfriend knows where my dad lives where my mom lives my grandma, et cetera. I don't know what hell do when I'm not around my family like during work. Will I ever feel safe again?

[kathy434]

If you are reading these replies, which I hope you are, these are excellent suggestions that you not only should, but must, follow.  Your family as well.  Protection From Abuse orders or Restraining Orders would notify the batterer that he is to not go near your home, work, school, grocery store where you shop, parked car, 500 ft. or more wherever you are at, harrass you, contact you by phones, email, letters, or friends with messages to you etc.  You must also abide by the Orders as well, not meeting him some place or talking to him on the phone or emailing him etc.  If you do it, the order is no longer in effect.  The batterer, which this person is, will onlyt understand that you still want him.  Let me tell you, batterers don't change for the better.  As they batter, they keep upping the anti until one day you'll wake up in the hospital with doctors trying to put your face together again with shattered bones.  Go back again and the next time you'll be in the morgue.  You need to visit a therapist and learn why you find this type of person attractive and would allow him to mistreat you.  You got a bad message in your head someplace that you need to change.  You don't deserve to be hit or put down or humiliated, not ONCE.  Your family is a jewel.  listen to them.  Let them guide you.  Don't waste another second on anyone who doesn't resect you and protect you and honor you.  This guy is dirt.

[benjimom]

Maybe you could get your cell phone changed to a new number.

[teko]

These threats against family members are a ploy to control you and make you do what he wants. It is doubtful he will follow thru, as these guys are mostly wimps when it comes to facing someone that can fight back. Restraining order is not a bad idea, and it should cover you, your family, your job and anywhere else you might be. I agree do not, do not have ANY further communication with this guy! That would be your undoing!

[benjimom]

Your dad is a great man to help you. I would get restraining orders against the boyfriend and your relatives shoudl do the same.  Just get out and do your best. It is possible you could move into a gated apt. complex?  might be safer, how scary..

[kenneltech]

What motivation does your boyfriend have to quit what he is doing?  You have been putting up with it!  People that are abusers don't stop, they need professional help, and a lot of it!  This is not love, it's controlling and you need to get away and stay away from him.  Especially if he's threatened to kill you,  And if you even TALK to him, you are leading him on, people that do this get things all distorted.  Stay as far away as you possibly can, don't talk to him and certainly, don't go meet him anywhere.  His promises are lies, and you can't afford to find this out the hard way.

[margypops]

You should ask some advice and maybe take a restraining order out on him, call in the police if he comes to your home or work to threaten you.Do not be afraid , sounds like you have support from family.Once the EX realises he will be in trouble if he doesnt leave you alone he will decide its not worth it.Good luck at least you have got away from him and life will be good from now on ...

[allmymarbles]

Wouldn't it be safer for you to be living with your father, or your uncle, or some other big male relative, than living alone in your own apartment? Does your father think you should get an order of protection? I don't know how your boyfriend would take that. Would it make him murderous?

In the old days your father and uncle would have beaten him up. That usually worked really well.

[RockRose]

Catherine,  you are SO LUCKY to have supportive older men in your life.  SO LUCKY.  

This is the way life used to be for young women.  The older men in their lives wouldn't put up with their daughter's being abused.  

Let your Dad and your uncle take care of this.  Older men have a great way of dealing with delinquent younger men.  Just trust them to help you out.