Verbal Abuse

Why is it when you need to talk and your spouse is supposed to be there to listen but when or if you say something wrong he gets pissed. He's called me a bit€h, wh

[RockRose]

This is a really short post,  MzWreck.  When you say "when you need to talk",  does this mean you need to criticize and he doesn't take criticism well?

[Mz_Wreck]

It could be just to talk about his day. If he thinks I have an attitude when I ask him about his day he gets real offensive. It like he don't want to make the time to talk just because we are married. He goes and comes as he pleases. It's his way or the highway. He hasn't always been this way. I told him last night when we got our taxes this years he needs to pay off his fines all of them. Oh boy that didn't settle right he said I had this tone in my voice and started getting loud and I told him he was gonna wake up everybody in the house so he left any other time it wouldn't have been like that.

[Nighthawk61]

Alot of times there's a disconnect between partners when there's not enough time doing fun things together, and life resolves strictly around responsibility issues. Can you work in some time to simply go and walk the dog together on a daily basis, you both have wanting to stay in shape in common, and if you take the time to just be with each other with nothing on the table, but the weather, then i think you'll get closer. That works for my husband and myself anyways.  

Do you have any hobbies that might be an interesting thing for him to comment on? My husband is in awe of my artistic abilities, because he can't draw a stick figure. It helps to keep his life a little magical too, to involve him in my hobbies that wouldn't otherwise be in his life. He is enraptured with a book I got the kids, Bernini, Sculpting in Clay. Who knew that he would be interested in Art History.  And your husband, does he have a hobby that can help to reduce stress in his life, and can be something that you can support?

I'm sorry that he seems to be thinking that you have an "attitude". Maybe you can write him a letter and talk to him about that. Assauge his fears and let him know that your interest in his day is genuine. Let him know how much you care that he DOES have a good day at work, and that your there for him to talk to when he does have a bad day. Tell him that you want to get closer to him and enjoy your time together, maybe then make a suggestion for you both to do something together daily, and weekly. You sound very negative about the situation. Is there any time that you spend together that is positive that you can be grateful for?

[RockRose]

MzWreck,  do you see how he must feel when you say something like when you get the tax refund you need to pay off all your fines?

I'm not saying you're wrong,  you're probably right,  but do you see how that kind of appears like the mom/child relationship instead of a husband wife relationship? Are a lot of your conversations kind of derogatory like that?

Again,  I'm not saying you're wrong and I don't know what the fines are for,  but I think almost any adult wouldn't react positively to being told that.

It sounds like he may need some help maturing a bit and taking care of business,  and you may need some help creatively thinking of conversation topics that would lift him up instead of criticize him.

Best wishes.