A while ago, an old family friend contacted me. Everything was all good until he told me he did something to me as a child. Every week, I receive hints from him, he's refusing to tell me what happened, because he fears that it'll ruin our relationship.
The hints I have received so far are:
-some people like to be used
-most do, since they're lonely
-i came and went
-stars were shining bright that day
-you saw darkness that day
-the difference between both worlds is fascinating
-the main organ was doing its thing, but very very fast
-the dark night turned bright as day
-it was hot
-and then he entered the dangerous dungeon but the beasts were not moving
-the two colorful mountains collided
-bats also known as baby vampires
-find or fail
-dry yet soft
-a shadowless shape stares at the beasts
-the shadowless beast cast a magic spell on one of the beasts
-8 words can make the hint easier, four of them can solve it
I don't remember a thing, but I figured out three things: I was at his house (I used to be best friends with his sister), it was night and one of our hearts was beating fast. He confirmed those things too, but nothing else.
I'm thinking it's possible sexual abuse. I would tell him to stop contacting you as these games are immature and unnecessarily disruptive to your life. Then, proceed to block his number and/or gain a restraining order. There is no reason why he should be bringing all this up. He's getting attention from it, so he will continue unless you put a stop to it.
I agree with thatquietgirl. I can't tell the age difference, but if you were at his house because you were best friends with his sister, I would guess you were 8 or more years old. Some people don't remember things long-term - is that you? Do you, in general, not have clear memories of your childhood?
Either way, this is irritating and bizarre for him to send you poetic phrases dealing with some kind of sexual thing in your childhood you don't remember.
He said I was around the age of 6 or 7, meaning he was in his teenager years then. I actually have a really good memory, I remember many negative things that happened to me (I've been through a lot), but when I try to remember sleepovers or things I used to do there, I only get small flashes, but not a whole memory like I usually do with my other memories.
I'm starting to think that maybe it could be a repressed memory, if something traumatic happened that can't be recovered?
I'd tell him to buzz off. What a creep to be honest. I mean, to suggest he did something to you through these hints but not tell you after all these years? That's creepy and I would not speak to him anymore. Tell him he gave you enough hints and you are disgusted. And if he continues to contact you, you'll give the list 'hints' to his mother telling her this is what he is saying to you.
See a psychologist if you would like to remember something like that. Don't try to work on it on your own. And don't include this weirdo in your life anymore. He's really gross and you don't need anything like that near your life. peace
Why it would be affective is that he's acting inappropriate and creepy and the problem with abusive people is that they do so behind closed doors. Open the door and expose him. He'll quiet down really fast if he gets a phone call from his mom about it.
I would not talk to him anymore at all. Tell him you get it--- he's done you wrong and you are not interested in any contact with him anymore. Then continue your therapy to explore it further if you so desire. He's given you all you need to know and frankly, he sounds like a whack job. anything else he says could be unreliable.
BTW: if he molested you, don't you fear that he could molest someone as an adult? Exposure of that is good thing. I'd really consider telling someone in his family. good luck
The problem with telling his parents is that they don't really care about what he does. He has been through a lot in his childhood (witnessed many of those things on him and his siblings).
I do fear that he might do molest someone else if he did molest me, but while talking to him before he told me that he did something signalizes in some way that he's sorry about it. Every time I ask him to tell me, he always answers with "I'm not ready yet." or "Don't you think I need some time to process this?"
Wow! You really shouldn't be feeling guilt over how HE feels! He should have"processed" it before he brought it up to you! This just reinforces the reasons that I am so protective of my girls! Its not just grown men but also teenage boys that rape and molest... I am sorry you are going through this but I honestly don't think you should feel bad for him.. He also shouldn't feel free to do this to others. How old is this guy? I think you are prolonging your misery even by letting him speak!
The way he is toying with you suggests he is a little bit nutso. Eliminate him from your life. If he is responsible for a bad experience (and it is not clear that he is) it has apparently not affected you. Keeping up a friendship with him will affect you. Be done with him. He is unhealthy.
Also, I don't feel bad for him, it's just that I consider his feelings too... I think? I feel like there's a part of me missing that I somehow still need to recover in order to heal from my past experiences.
I do fear things that may be related to abuse (but I wouldn't blame all on him, since I've had previous experiences that my affect my fears). I'm just thinking that maybe it's a repressed memory that really can't be brought back due to whatever trauma that may have been induced? I guess I'm just over thinking the situation, but at the same time I want to know what happened, it may help me with my recovery that I'm currently going through.
You need to cut him out of your life dear. Allmymarbles is right. he sounds like a nutcase. If he did these things, he's a predator and disgusting. If he did not do these things, he's a mental case that is trying to torment you now. /either way--------- he is negative energy in your life. Your inability to be angry with him is very concerning to me. A natural response would be one like you see here from the women--- as in recoiling from the thought of this dude doing something inappropriate with you and then taunting you with it years later.
I would ask him flat out one last time---- did you do something inappropriate to me. And if he doesn't answer, then say GOODBYE because he is toying with you and that is a form of manipulation and torture in and of itself. If he tells you what happened---- use it for therapy but dump him. I see no way to continue talking to him. he's a sicko and a jerk. You should want tor rid your life of that type of toxic person. good luck
I understand your concern of me not being able to be angry with him, this is due to also past reactions, I somehow am unable of feel anger, at least not consciously.
I know all of you have your points, it's just hard to let go of an important event that might've happened. I know it torments me, and probably tortures me somehow too, but I can't let it go, I don't know how. I still appreciate your help in any way possible, and thank you a lot for your advice. I'll try to let go of this event and him. Thank you again!
I truly would ask for a restraining order, bring all this up. The thing with sexual abusers is they don't quit. It's an illness. If you bring all this up that he's been doing recently to the police, it'll be on record and/or he could be put on an offenders list, which is GOOD. It can protect some other little girl.
My grandfather abused my mother sexually while she was growing up. My parents thought he was over it. They abused my little sister when she was a child, and the amount of damage this has done to her even now as an adult is unspeakable.
Regardless of what you do, you do need to cut him out of your life. If you can't let go of whatever event he's hinting at, do explore it with your therapist rather than alone. I worry for your sake if you don't explore it without that help.
If it was sexually abuse, it definitely wasn't the only one, I was sexually harassed many times by my dad, and almost molested.
I'm sorry that happened to your sister and mother, I wish them all the best in the future, even if they might not be able to forget these events, I hope they'll recover from them, because nobody deserves that.
I'm not even sure if it was sexual abuse that that friend has done. All I'm getting are those little bits and pieces that might or might not be true. Another problem I have is, during my time in therapy and so on, he has been a major support to me, and still is, regardless of what he did. My therapist has no clue what might've happened, but she's hinting more towards sexual abuse, just like everyone I've mentioned this to.
If there's anything new going on, I'll let all of you know, but I'm torn between shutting him off of my life, and keeping him as a friend. Thank you again!
Well, I think I've said about all I can say. I think it is probably part of some issues that you have that you won't step up and cease contact with someone 'teasing' you with details of possibly hurting you. that you call him a friend is very odd. In truth, I'm not sure what you were seeking from this post. Take this great friend of yours for his word. he molested you. Then go have lunch or something I guess. it's just odd to me but this is your life. perhaps your therapist will be able to guide you better as I'm not sure any of us are really registering with you. peace
Well, listen. Regardless if it was sexual abuse or he pushed you down on the jungle gym and you got a scraped knee, he's acting weird and elusive like he did something bad to you but wont tell you. that's just weird. Maybe he didn't do anything to you and he just is messing with you because he has a screw loose? What if he did indeed molest you because he himself was molested by someone (which is the common cycle of kid on kid molestation)? There are lots of possibilities but none of them add up to anyone I'd want to be close to. What does he say when you point blank ask him what the heck he's trying to get at? I mean, I'd confront him.
Well, I tried to confront him again today, all he did was come up with random facts to change the subject. When I asked him why he's trying to avoid the subject, he didn't answer, he just kept on sending me those random facts. Once I changed the subject, he stopped and engaged in what we were talking about.
My therapist's assumption heads more towards sexual abuse. To her and you all, the guy sounds like an immature man who's trying to toy around with me by sending me hints that may or may not be true. I have a problem with ignoring a problem for a while, but then making myself think constantly about it in order to come up with a solution (which has never occurred), I'm working on that with my therapist, but at the moment I can't just "leave" him.
This man is feeding you snippets of info most likely related a horrid act he committed against you as a child, as if he was dangling diamonds in front of you or something. That's sick beyond words.
My advice to you is to take copies of ALL the communication you've had with him and contact the authorities ASAP. Not sure if they can criminally pursue him (I think they can when it comes to child abuse/molestation), but in the least you can get a PFA which you absolutely need to do, like yesterday.
Think of how sick it is that if he molested you (at SIX or SEVEN) that he's still romanticizing the events as though he's talking about two consenting adults. That's seriously messed up, he's a sick sick man and likely still abusing children. The authorities need to be made of aware of him right away.
If it were me, I'd try to get every little piece of info out of him I could, including if he's done this (or is doing this) to any other children. I wouldn't advise taking this into your hands more than a one time last ditch effort to gather info, but I think the more CLEAR info you can collect from him, the better chance something will be done when you contact the authorities.
I would text (or email) him so there's a record and tell him that unless he gives you CLEAR and DIRECT answers to all of your questions, you will not speak to him again, that you're done with the games. I'd be willing to bet that may coerce him to spill the beans. You get one shot to ask very important questions, including if he has done this to anyone else. After that, go to the police.
This is nothing to mess around with, he sounds like a sick predator, and law enforcement needs to be made aware. Continue on with your therapy, you need to sort through all of these emotions as they relate to him.
The fact is he's playing games with you now you should ask, "How is that friendship"? That sounds so dangerous and eerie. He isn't someone you would want around. I used to work with molesters and some of them was bizarre in their behavior. We had one come to group with a knife and look at it in such amazement. He molested his infant daughter. There were others who displayed bizarre behavior. One showed no remorse for his actions and said "now I'm just like my father". His father molested him. From what I read from your previous post, it sounds as though he's bragging about his actions. He doesn't seem to have any remorse for it based on the fact he's bringing it up to you in such a bizarre manner. It's like in a warped manner he is romanticizing it. I would suggest you stay from him. He needs to seek help.
Yeah, I've thought about him just playing games with me, but then comes the point where he once told me that he almost told me what happened while he was "sleep drunk" At the moment I'm just so frustrated about what to do and what not to do... I just don't know. Thank you for your suggestion though, I appreciate it!
I don't think he'd ever admit it he needs help though... He wasn't really bragging about what he did, I somehow forced him to give me hints every day, but they didn't help me at all (the ones with the metaphors), then he suggested to give them to me once a week and promised to make them a bit easier and more concrete, it did happen, but didn't help me into finding out what he might've done....
Whenever I try to talk to him about it, he switches the subject immediately, so he's not very fond of what he might've done.
You have received a lot of good advice here. Communication with this individual needs to stop - like yesterday. From the outside looking in, this is clearly an unhealthy situation. Your willingness to allow yourself to be treated this way may be more of a point of concern than the behavior of the man inflicting it upon you. Discuss this with someone you trust and you know has your best interest at heart. Please.
He has become more distant towards me recently, so the only time we actually talk is once a week to receive that one hint... I'm a forgiving person (huge flaw of mine), no matter what the situation.... And then I've got the problem that I hardly trust anyone due to my past experiences.
Skinnyloveforever, forgiving is never a flaw. Forgiveness is strength. But because you forgive does not mean you have to put up with abuse. Forgiveness does not mean you have to be around your abuser. Forgiveness gives you strength to not allow that's person's abuse to control your life. You can forgive a person without them being in your life. I was raped by an old boyfriend and for months I had hatred in my heart for him. I used to lay awake at night and think of evil ways I wanted him to die. He moved on with his life, but I still had contact with him because of my hatred. So months later I rejoined the army but I had to tell him I forgave him. I called him and told him and after that I was totally free. I was set free from my constant thinking about him all because I forgave him. But you also have to have wisdom and not put yourself in a situation where you could be abused. So just because I forgave him, I wasn't going to hang out with him.
I agree with yesidid - this person is playing you. He is aware of you having problems and he is suggesting that he had a part in whatever they may be . I highly doubt that he will come forward and admit out loud that he abused you, he might as well roll up to the nearest precint.
He's teasing you with the details of a VERY sick act, and he is making you complicit by your willingness to play with him. He is looking for attention, and maybe feels that you are looking for attention. Abusers groom victims all the time. They throw something out there that a healthy girl would not bite.... and revel in it when an unhealthy girl plays along.. romanticising an unspeakable event... dependent on him for all the answers , it's sick crazy lazy crap .I'd tell him to **** off and grow the **** up~
If the reason of your therapy is for you to get to a place of being a healthy girl, and not a victim or a victim mentality, your first order of business is to know that no one is going to put their freedom in danger by telling you that they molested you at 6... if they were interested in being honest, they would do so in a way far less aggravating and demeaning than giving you 'clues' . Your second order of business is to act like a healthy girl, and work with your therapist on a way to get this sicko out of your life now and forever. It seems that you have alot of work to recover yourself, so you need to pick a new source of support other than this sicko. You could start here at medhelp, open up some, talk about where you're at in your personal recovery, make some friends that have already put in the work to recover their lives, be it mental illness, addiction what have you.....
I pray you find your way to the path that does include your mental health and does not include losers like this whack job ....
we're all here for you, you're not alone, good friends are made here everyday . I hope you find what i've found here.
First of all I'd like to apologize for the delay of my reply. Secondly, I'd like to thank you for your reply, thirdly I'd like to mention to all of you that he still hasn't told me what happened, his answer hasn't changed. He's sticking to the "I'll tell you when the time is right" However his promise from two years ago was that he'll tell me before this year ends.
Anyways, I haven't had contact with him since last posting a reply on here. I'd like to thank all of you again for your support. I have moved on and am preparing to finish high school.
This gut is a nutcase
Sorry but anyways you should call the authorities and get a restraining order, this guy seems like a nutcase and if you try to cut him from your life he can hurt you.If this is not an option you could always try to contact his parents and make him stop.
You've got abandon this guy you've already suffered enough emotional trauma.
If you have a history of abuse when you were younger and you can remember it clearly than i do not believe you have repressed memories
sexual abuse thats what he did, what comes to my mind is sexual abuse, i may be wrong, but if its that you need to stop talking to him, now that you are figuring out what he did to you and you decide that you want to end your friendship, he might do something worst, just stop talking to him
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