You might also check out side effects of any current medications he may be on. This is something my father went thru after his heart surgery as well. Come to find out it was a mix in the meds causing the problems.
Another thought is that your husband has had to come face to face with his own mortality. I would imagine between the fear, the drugs, and the unknown compounded with the drinking, he is not in control of his emotions. HOWEVER! The best thing you can do for him and for him is simply let him know how much you love him, and how much disrespect and crankiness and feeling sorry for himself YOU will not tolerate, and then the next time he decides he wants to do it. Make yourself scarce and stay away from him. It will only take a couple of times for him to get it.
As for yourself, you might want to find a support group for others going thru what you are. Caregivers anonymous or something similar.
I remember reading somewhere, and I don't remember where, that there can be substantive damage involved in this type of surgery (unrelated to the heart). I think it had to do with the anesthesia, but am not sure. There may be brain damage. You might want to research this.
I am taking many medical classes, graduated as a Med. Tech and now am taking billing and coding, and I have heard by MANY people that people that have had open heart surgery somehow change. No real reason, but they do (not all of them). My grandfather had open heart surgery and was completely a different person. If I talked to him on the phone and didn't know it was my grandfather, I would have never guessed it was him.
This is a phenomenon, try checking it out on google.
Sounds like he is scared and is trying to drown his sorrows. Talk to his Doctor and inform him how your husband is acting. I agree with margypops...sounds like it is time for some tough love! God Bless
With surgeries ahead I would say the drinking unless its very light is not a good idea.Will he listen if you talk to him and tell him how you feel? Maybe his doctor should have a word about the drinking. As for abuse, walk away do not allow it, once it takes hold he will always do it. I think you have to be tough on him .good luck