abused by my brother

[anonymous92]

im young and pretty screwed in the head. i was abused by my brother for 5 years (on and off) resently i have managed to talk about it to someone at college and ive been recomended councouling but im fed up of it being in my head 24-7, i just want to forget it. i use drugs and alcohol to forget. im thinking of talking to my parents but it seems almost selfish to ruin the family. if anyone has been through this please talk to me about how you feel. thankyou

[jewelscute1]

Drinking and doing drugs will leave you in a worse situation.  Drinking my problems away has always been my scape goat.  You should see my record!  My DUI's have came back to haunt me for years to come.  I have been lucky with the drugs but there are so many people that haven't been so lucky (getting caught that is).  But I did realize that with drug use, when I'm coming down, even days later, the realization of what has happened to me was 10xs what it would have been if I would have been sober accepting the reality of certain situations.  Then with the drug use, the reality kicks in, and you have to use more to forget it.  Good luck....  

[narla]

Hey how are you going.I totally know the way your are feeling,torn between exposing your brother for what he is and not upsetting the family unit.It's a decision only you can make when your ready.What happened was an experience we learn from our experiences it's a hard lesson. You can't go back and change what happened but you can change your thoughts and emotions that are there because of the experience.You must always remember it wasn't your fault,you did nothing wrong to make him do what he did.Has he said anything to you about what happened,or have you confronted him.  

[anonymous92]

When going through counselling, how deep and detailed do you have to go?

[kathy434]

Hi 92,
How are you doing lately?
I hope that you know that you are safe in talking here if you choose.  But only when you feel you are ready and want to.  Nobody here is going to tell your parents or authorities or anybody else.  Those will be your decisions only.  You are in control here.  I am just your sounding board.
                                                             Love Kathy

[teko]

I understand totally. If you will stand up and take control this time, you should be ok. If he does it again, nail em!

[margypops]

Yup thats right I had forgotten the big rules in UK so its okay for you to talk here you can send any of us a PM or start a journal ,you are anonymous its okay , I understand how you feel , having the internet is a good thing as you will find other sites aswell if you google for more information, so just come here and be part of MH where we all come for help and to give it back, it really works. If you read a lot of the threads you will see you are not alone ,and that we care.

[anonymous92]

if anything was to happen again i would do something about it. Counselors in England have a confidentuallity rule, which means if your under 18 and at risk they have to take it further. I dont want my parents or social invoved, i just want to talk about it without it going further but there just seems like theres nothing i can do.

[teko]

Quit assuming how others will feel first of all. If you are a minor and still in the same house, you take a stand and do not let it happen again, and if you are not left alone, you need to tell an adult. That should be laid on the line with this person up front and followed thru if your word is not heeded. Counselors have to keep your secrets unless they have your permission to do otherwise and am quite sure yours would not be the first kind of situation they have dealt with. It is more common than you think! Chin up!!

[anonymous92]

I had a meeting with someone to talk about arranging counseling and i should be having my first section soon. But because i live in the same house as 'you know who' i cant mention who he is or if hes related. Which i dont think i can do, i feel that letting it all out would help me but because im, in there eyes, still at risk i cant. I feel like ive just hit a brick wall and the only way around it is too wait until im 18 or until he moves out. I dont know what to do, i really dont want to go back down this road. Any suggestions please?

[margypops]

Glad to came back to let us know , the counseling will be a good thing,most abused children somehow think it was their fault and they could have stopped it, you were not to blame at all.Your words are "but I am begining to think I could have stopped the abuse earlier than I did." Time to stop thinking like that this is where the counseling will help you, when you have these thoughts distract your self get busy, the thoughts will make you feel worse. It happened to you,it was NOT your fault he was the perpetrator, you cant change it... you can try to accept that it happened, and be determined that it will NOT wreck your life..Good Luck let us know how the counseling goes.

[teko]

Well ya know, hindsight is always 20/20. Do not allow yourself to go there. I am sure there are reasons, you are not even aware of, No room for guilt and self doubt. One foot in front of the other, baby steps remember? Whys, wherefores, dont matter, it did not change the fact that it happened the first time, it is a multi faceted issue, no one can get thru alone.  Get the therepy and get your life on track ok?

[anonymous92]

i should be getting counseling soon but im begining to think that i could have stopped the abuse earlier than i did.

[margypops]

Thank you for sharing with us I hope it has helped.. most folks here have been through or have family that has been through similar ,we understand, no disgust ever ..compassion for a fellow sufferer..let us know how you get on...

[anonymous92]

i would just like to say thankyou to everyone who has given me advice. i first thought that people wouldnt care and would look down on me in disgust because he is my brother but your advice shows me that this cant take over my life, thankyou xx

[jo929]

I am sorry also that you have had to go through all of what you have, and i think that you are one strong person  luck  jo

[jo929]

I am sorry that you are going through this. i wish that i could be more help, but only you know just how and what you can do please accept my apoligy if i have hurt your feelings in any way. i do hope that you may get some help god bless  luck  jo

[teko]

I do no what you mean.  This is harder than the average abuse situation because it is a sibling.  When this happened to me, my bro was married and living with his wife but in the same town. I told my boyfriend and my boyfriend went to my parents. They came to school, got me and took me home.  I was taken to the courts, and given permission to marry my then boyfriend who I did marry due to no other choice. My brother and myself were told to get out and never come back.  My brother was let back in my parents home shortly thereafter, but I did not go back around for a few years. We were also told that we were to speak to no one about this situation.  Results: I had two kids by the guy I married, turned out he was a paranoid skitsofrinic (sorry about the spelling). My bro stayed married until a few years ago when it was discovered he did the same thing to his daughter. The daughter is grown and has nothing to do with her dad to this day, she has 3 kids of her own.

Tell your bro that if he attempts to assault you again that you will confront him in front of your parents. In the meantime, get counseling from a reputable psychiatrist who is familiar with these types of situations and go from there. If he thinks it best to tell your parents, then go from there with his help. You need the support system either way. That is the best advice I can give you.  This kind of situation makes you feel filthy and no good and will effect future relationships many years down the road for both of you. Your only option is to get help now. Drugs and being down on yourself will only make things worse. Much Much worse. Hugs

[anonymous92]

i dont feel as if im strong enough to talk to them. i feel that if i was to tell them i wouldnt be able to look at them or live in the same house.

[jo929]

Your post to me was very disturbing, I am not at ease with your answer, so now i really worry. I do hope that you are not blaming yourself for his selfish act, also this bit about being around him most of the time disturbs me. I feel there is more here that i am not understaning, please talk this over with your parents you say you are prety screwed up in the head also you drink and do drugs to forget, so why in gods name do you not try to face this with your parents help and a counsler and try to take control over your life instead of leting him mess with your head i care for you so please do something, he did this so why hold up for him   lots of luck and love  jo

[anonymous92]

most of the time, yes.

[day5]

Are you with him 100% or the time?

[day5]

On average, perpetrators have an average of 100 plus victims by the time they are apprehended.  This is not your fault, but your responsibility to stop others from suffering the same fate.  Violators commit murder w/ out taking a life.  You have a chance @ re-birthing your human spirit if you do what is necessary. You can anonoymously have him stopped.  Do it now before another person is hurt.

[teko]

He is your brother, part of you hates him yet part of you loves him. After all he is your blood.  You probably feel guilt that you must have done something to encourage it or allow it and dont know where to turn.  Keep him at a distance, realize that you are not the only one this has happened to and get therapy and get off the drugs. They will kill you eventually. I am not saying it is easy. Being abused by a family member is a tuff thing. You can choose to let it eat the rest of your life or get help, get healthy and move on with your life one step at a time.  That is the past. Do not let it control who you are now or who you will be tomorrow.  I do not mean to simplify your situation but you only have two choices. Stay hung up over the past or build your future. You are in charge of that decision and there are lots of people who will help you move forward. Hugs.

[anonymous92]

i would just like to say to jo929 that even though he has done this to me he still has his life ahead of him too. even though ive suffered i cant put him though anything like that. im 100% sure hes not doing this or done this to anyone else. thankyou for all your comments i really appreciate them.