any suggestions?

[sara3247]

Hello everybody. My name is Mitchelle. I am married with a wonderful man who is angry, negative, not forgiving, and in general acts very weired.  He does not have any desire for me. After studying him and styding phychological books and chasing him in internet . I find out that he is not a gay.  I truely bleieve that something happened in his childhood that he is not admitting to me.  The accident in his childhood affected him totally.  He is an angry person. he has sex with me once a week in the exact time when he emotionally prepare himself  and I see it as responsiblity and nothing else.  I don't know how to help him? I am so close to get divorce and go on my way. since if he does not want to help himself , I can't either. I am married almost 9 years and we don't have kids.
I took him to physchologist but he does not admitt to anything.  He can't even kiss me before he prepare himself.
Any suggestions?

Any suggestions?

[margypops]

This is a 'wonderful man' ? You cant help him he can help himself , only him, if he doesnt want to he wont and you will spend your life the way you have just described....you sound like a nice Woman ,there will be good guys out there deserving of a good /kind woman.. You have been to a physchologist you tried , now head for the hills and dont look back ....

[Lexxie1018]

hi sara,  Normally I post to head trauma victims; however, I read your post and you said it all in YOUR FIRST SENTANCE.  this man is angry, he does not want you and he is "weird" as you described him.  "IF" there was some from of sexual abuse in his past that has made him "this way", IF he has not divulged this information in 9 years, and via psychologist/psychiatrist, he is NOT very likely to do so now.  There are indeed many forms of abuse, psychological, sexual, verbal, emotional, economic, and of course the "hands on" beatings.  YOU are sufferning from a few of these i preseume.  Abuse is abuse, and i will reiterate what i said in a previous post....(and pretty much what Margypops has stated here)  GET OUT.  This man can not be so wonderful if you are describing him as weird and abusive.  YOU have no ties with children.  I dont know where u live, or what the divorce legislation in your area is, but personally, I would be checkin into it.  NOW mind you, do this "in the dark", do NOT let him to believe that you are even considering leaving him.  THIS may bring out a worst monster that you have ever seen, if he believes or feels he is loosing control.  Just quickly and quitely plan your life for something better.  HAVE a well thought out plan.  GET your papers in order, your belongings in order (which by the way, are just "THINGS" and are ALL replaceable, BUT NOT you------YOU and YOUR psychological well being is NOT replaceable)  Please know that.  THERE is A-B-S-O-L-U-T-L-E-Y NOTHING worth loosing what little bit of yourself that you are sacrificing every day to "walk on eggshells" around this person.  If i might elude to the fact that this is ABUSE--------please know that.  WHEN YOU have to watch what you say, watch what you do, do NOT feel comfortable in the relationship or the home----THIS IS ABUSE.  Make no mistake about it.  Please get your affairs in order very quietly.....and quickly.  
I nearly lost my life last year to a "weird" one.  I as well susspect there was some abuse in his past as well.......I will make a post about all of this soon----i hope it will help someone.  AS a matter of fact, i am working on a book RIGHT NOW.    I am only alive now to tell you this by the Grace of God.     Please know that anyone that carries around and harbors such resentment and hate----ANGER of pure form-----WILL ERUPT.  YOU probably have already seen this.  AS far as abusive behaviours......I do not know why we HIDE them----BUT we do.  WE do it, and we lie about it......and WE THINK we are doing the abuser a great service.  Indeed, and in fact we are NOT.  This needs to stop, the abuse, and the hiding it.  Because it does and will continue no matter how many times he says it wont happen again----------i am sorry to report to  you that it WILL.  Furthermore, it WILL NEVER STOP.  
I promise you when you get out of this relatiohship and begin YOUR own life, with YOUR own goals and agenda-----YOU will be able to breath easier in teh day time and sleep easier at night.  I advise that you get some psychological counseling AFTER you leave, in the promise that YOU can put this behind you in a healthy way.  (YOU are not liveing in a healty way right now).  
THEN, you can find you a partner who is actually loving and concerned about YOUR well being.  (side note here, I was married for 10 years to a GREAT man---we grew apart and divorced, but AFTER my near death experience, he came to my aid.----with help, money, support, tears, ANYTHING he could do to help--------NOW that my friend is a caring and concerned man.)  He and I are both sorry for our departure from each other because we were not only husband and wife, but best friends......as I REALLY found out after my ordeal.  AND IF i had NOT had that honest, loving relationship in the beginning, I MIGHT not even believe that it was possible or something like that even existed,  BUT it DOES!!!  AND it can for you too.  (well for the both of us, b/c I am now back to square one)  BUT i do KNOW what a healthy relationship is,  but in that same breath, i do also know what an unhealthy relationship is too.................I KNOW both ends of the spectrum so to speak.  (i apologize if this post is long)
I will end by saying, please dont suffer anymore--------go find someone to LOVE you and RESPECT YOU and YOUR needs.  something MUTUALLY respectful!!!!!
in the words of margypops--------------"-HEAD FOR THE HILLS"  my friend.  YOU have tried!!!!
please be safe
with utmost respect and sincerity,
peace,
Lexxie

[allmymarbles]

You say he is wonderful, but everything you attribute to him is not at all wonderful. Is it possible that you are in love with a man who does not love you?

[jo929]

i agree with mary pops get out now, and find happiness   luck  jo