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boyfriend sleeps with 9 year old daughter
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boyfriend sleeps with 9 year old daughter

Hello: I find it very disturbing that my 39 year old boyfriend sleeps with 9 year old daughter.  I find it discusting that he sleeps in his boxer's and the 9 year old very spoiled daughter sleeps with him.  At one time we were on vacation in Mexico with his family he kicked me out of the bedroom we were sleepin in at the sister's house to sleep with her because she cried and made her scene about her wanting to sleep with papi.  I walked into the room to get my stuff and when I turned on the light they were both holding eachother real close it looked awful he had no shirt and I was discusted.  He tells me I am jeleous and selfish, I am not I just think it's not healty or normal.  I have 2 daughters and they spent time with my ex-husband their father and never in this world did he sleep with them and if I was ever told by my daughter's or him that he slept in the same bed, I would not ever allow them to spend the night.  Please advise me am I at wrong?  I have asked several different people for their opinion they all agree with me when I discussed this with him he of course got extremely irrate and said he spoke to his co-worker ( a man) and he told him he thought I was wrong and it perfectly normal and okay for him to sleep with the daughter.  I am sure his co-worker wasnt told all the other stuff that I see.
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13167_tn?1327197724
I think it's kind of weird when this happens,  but honestly,  single fathers and single mothers seem to sleep with their children more commonly than married parents.  It seems like an attachment issue usually rather than a sexual one.

I'm concerned that he's in boxers and holding her body,  but my greatest concern is your last line.  What other stuff do you see that is a concern?
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Avatar_f_tn
I find it very disturbing, very digusting, and it seems that it is not a healthy relationship, for the child or parent, and i do not know whther i could walk away without discussing this with someone loke a therapist, also do not marry this man, he is not marriage material,most therapists will tell you a child should have their own bed when they are a baby, also it would seem he is to possevive of her. so your marriage would never work just my opinion  luck  jo
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you for you advise.  The other is she is a pretty big girl for 9 she acts very mature but yet she talks like a baby she tells everyone my papi does whatever I say, besides the point for example when all 3 of us go out she will always want to sit in the middle(it's truck were 3 people can sit in the front) and his hand is rubbing up and down her leg and she rubs his leg up and down, he will grab her and like I said she is a big girl for 9 he will hold her and kiss her whole body and rubs her behind.  When he is using the restroom she walks in and will stay in the bathroom until he is done.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi thank you so much for your comment I really wanted to get opinion from people not close to me or related to me because they all agree with me but at times I think it's because they care and they will agree to what my feelings are.  I really appreciate you taking the time to help me, I also hope a man close to that age can give me a comment on what they think ?
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100019_tn?1335923317
at the very least it's an extremely unhealthy relationship between them.  The girl is "acting" like a girlfriend, not a daughter.

The sleeping with, the rubbing the legs in the vehicle - it's a very thin line to cross over into something sexual.

I would be very disturbed by it also.
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212161_tn?1410016711
guy is sick, keep him away from your daughters , get out while your daughters are ok
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484465_tn?1347117312
i would also put in a formal complaint to child protective services before i made my final exit from their lives.  let him explain things to them since he doesn't want to discuss it with you.  

there is a thin line that they are so close to crossing (if they haven't crossed it already).  what about when she gets boobs and hips, fuller thighs?  her womanly curves are coming soon if they haven't arrived already.  he, as a father, has the responsibility to stop her AND should want to stop her from sleeping with him and coming in the bathroom with him b/c it's very inappropriate.  i have a feeling he's a sick minded individual.  leave
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you so much for taking the time to give me your thoughts and advise.  I am done I am out of there it's sickening and even more to know the mother has no concern for that at all.  The one that asked were the mom is she has a new husband and a new daughter and is always on top of makeing sure she will get her child support and does use the daughter to try to get more from this man.  I am also very glad that my now ex-boyfriend's family like his mother and sister's think he is doing very wrong to hopefully they can help him STOP!  Again thank you to all
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609913_tn?1221143675
WHAAAAAAAATTTTT! I am interested in the other stuff. I slept with my parents for a long time and I think it was creepy. I have four kids and they were not allowed to sleep in bed with me. Some families are different though. In some cultures they all sleep together. I think it is usually becasue of a lck of space ( like in a hut in the jungle) It is not common in American culture to do this with children over four or five years old. Certainly when you are with him he should not have her in there. I agree with your upset about being kicked out of the room. There is something I have realized about human nature. Modern humans have strayed from our animal insticts. Humans are also very instinctual creatures. Usually if you have a funny feeling about something you are right. I would be concerned about both of their behaviour. It is not a healthy situation even if it does not invovle an incestual relationship.
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611980_tn?1221354652
i grew up in a family where my mom walked around in her underwear and as a child that always gave me a sick feeling!!!! please dont let your girls be around him, cause even if he wont cross the line with his own daughter he might with yours.... never worth the risk!ever! i was molested as a boy and i think that our children need to be taught boundries to protect them... i have a daughter and step daughter 16 and 14 and even as little girls they had to wear shorts under there night shirts and my boys and girls were not aloud to sleep together after 4or5 years old......please make sure someone knows!!!!!!! for the girls sake
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Avatar_f_tn
sounds like he needs parenting classes. hes the dad and he should set boundaries. shes a child and will just try to manipulate any situation to suit her wants. it is innapropriate but i think it might be out of ignorance on his part.i am a mother of a 9 year old boy. i do kiss, hug and cuddle with him, i would allow him to sleep in my bed sometimes BUT he does not see me naked, i give him his privacy and he has been THAUGHT to respect mine. im just concerned about what your feelings are on this because you know him, do you think its a lack of parenting skills or somrthing more. womens intuition is usually right, and if you have a feeling that there might be something sexual going on, proof or no proof, its is your duty to protect her if no one else will. childrens services probably should be informed, they are not there to take her away from her dad but to help him better parent a 9 year old girl. either way, good job on leaving, its just way too weird and i doubt you could of had a healthy relationship with him and his daughter.
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165308_tn?1323190145
The "other stuff" is worse than them sleeping in the same bed.....it definitely seems to me that it is a very unhealthy relationship.  I truly hope this child isn't being sexually abused by this man.  

Definitely keep your children away from him as well has yourself.  I would also make a call to social services.  You don't need to give your name.

Run, don't walk, away from this man!

Rubbing legs?  Kissing all over?  No privacy in the bathroom?????  All red lights!
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Avatar_n_tn
I have a similiar situation at home with a 9 1/2 year old step daughter. I know that in my situation, my husband thinks he has to let her do, say, act, and get anything she wants in order that she would stay content to live with him and not go live at her mothers's. Honestly, a nine year controls our whole home. She is the master of the home not my husband. They have a an almost intimate relationship, perhaps an ediopus complex. They hold hands constantly (if he walks to the kitchen she follows him holding his hand) I have to walk behind them when we go out somewhere. She is almost constantly (and I mean 90% of the time) laying in his lap, being carried around, hugging him, holding his hand, calling his name, ect....her separation anxiety from him is major. She calls him nonstop all day long when she is home from school. I figured that as she got older (these behaviors that are more common of younger children) this type of behavior would lessen but actually it is worse now than it has ever been. I am worried that this type of behavior will lead to a very unhealthy thing later when she reaches adolescence. It seems she has a fear of abandonment....perhaps because her mother left her (although she sees her mother quite often). I don't know. I do know that it is a hard situation to be in. My stepdaughter requires all my husband's attention
and he should give it to her. I either have to deal with it or leave and wait for a more conventional situation.
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Avatar_f_tn
This dude needs to be reported to Children Services as well as to the police.  He needs to be thoroughly investigated.  His behavior toward his daughter is totally unnatural, and over the edge.  Her response to her father is very indicative of incest going on.  While you may now be out, this child needs an adult to step in for her behalf.  She doesn't know that her feelings for her father are incestuous.  He makes her feel good physically and mentally and he is a predator.  Turn him in for a thorough investigation.
He only tells you what he wants you to hear, be it that he likely never talked to another guy.  He just said he did.  Another guy would be appalled by what he would say, so he is mute.  Trust me.
YOU are to be that little girl's lifeline before he totally destroys her.  She does not know better.  You do.                     K
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1094396_tn?1257717034
Sorry love ... sounds like your jealous
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1072551_tn?1258206866
this post is over a year old
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535822_tn?1389452880
Saarh is right no point in dragging up the really old posts,and always the controversial ones , give us a new thread if theres something to say ....
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Avatar_f_tn
My father and I have always had a close relationship I am 22 now and I still sleep in my parents bed occasionally even nap with my dad and it has NEVER even been borderline sexual. You guys need help. You act as if all men want everyone equally, even their own daughters? Give me a break.
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757137_tn?1347200053
Different cultures have different attitudes towards children - some being much more demonstrative and nurturing. My daughter is married to a Hungarian. He lets their three-year old daughter sleep with them. May daughter was surprised at first, but he says it is a completely normal arrangement in his country. I have come across the same thinking in other nationals. For myself I always kept the baby's crib in my room. The only time I moved them out to their own room was when they had a sibling to share with. And when one of the kiddies (I had four) had a nightmare and came into my room, I tucked it in bed with us. Boy or girl, it didn't matter.

In the case of your boyfriend's daughter it is understandable that she is ultra-dependent (and probably jealous of you).
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Avatar_m_tn
u are right sometimes we can go overboard. the sleeping its not so much as the problem but the behaviour whilst their not sleeping like rubbing of legs, she rubbing his legs back whats that all about. even if he isn't doing anything their are boundaries and it his his duty as an adult to enforce them
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Avatar_f_tn
That is disgusting. You should not be sleeping in bed with your father when you are 22. Someting is very wrong there.
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535822_tn?1389452880
I agree with Urafruitloop not all men are monsters, and some families do sleep together, it is a matter also of different cultures, Europe has always had a family bed and many co sleep .
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm going through something but he feel it noting wrong with it.His daughter is 9 and she act Luke she 21..I mean I  hope I'm not overreacting but sometimes it seems very weird to me..She lay with him under the same covers and she places with his ears and she still seats on his lap..We never him time to ourselves I mean she never let him breath or me..I just want to say forget it ..I need advice..Please thx from concern friend
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Avatar_f_tn
Excuse my typing but I hope someone can help me with this situation.. THX YOU
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1140115_tn?1348499315
This discussion is several years old at this point. To make sure your question gets attention, it's best to post a new thread.  To do that, click the "Post a Question" link at the top of this page.  

With that, I'll close this discussion now.

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