Aa
emotional abuse by mother
Hi, my mother is excessively verbally abusive, I´ve a Masters in Psychology and I can´t do anything to stop her, the only thing that works in distance as I live in a different country but the minute I see her in 5 minutes she´s able to make me feel very unhappy as her insults and abusive behaviour are horrendous. 2 years ago I decided to cut all contact with her but I was unable to do so. I´m thinking in doing this again. I´m 32 years old and I don´t think I deserve to be treated like this, I don´t consider her my mother, to me, she´s a monster. What can I do with her?
I wisih I knew whether I am right about my mother or whether I've constructed an elaborate fantasy to cover up my own failings... who can tell. nobody believes me when I try to get help. I'm 31, and I get told off by people who say GET A JOB. I can't work. I tried. my nerves were so bad, I cried every day nad night in silence, terrified they would see me, because they forced me to get the job. and one day, I accidentally broke down in thecar just as we got there. They rewarded my emotions with yelling. ;( I got sick with the flu a few months later... i'd see nthis cute baby with a flu, and I thought, OMG my way out of this hellhole!) I tried to do my job right... but I had to escape. thank god for that sweet little guy. I hope he's okay now, and healthy. that was a few years back. today, she claimed I was trying to attack her nad called the cops on me. again. ;( I feel like I'm in hell. my dad doesn't believe me, but he sure is quick to call her paranoid when it's convenient for him. I am in hell I am in hell I am in hlel. I have no friends in the US where I live. nobody believes meee... I tel everybody I can lay my hands on and they all say weird things that I don't understand, like it's not true. ;(
Every human being who is mature can decide his fate of life. Leaving parents alone is only forbidden if you believe the manipulative suggestions of other people. Childhood contains a lot of programming of your emotional and cognitive mechanisms. Abusive parents will program you to follow a weak, dependent life and through abuse they take you a lot of initiative to decide on your own.Good luck!
My mother physically and emotionally abused me since i remember myself. I'm 40 and she still continues emoional abuse on me and she is being very successful! My point is that those are the people who don't see anything wrong with themselves, egocentric maniacs, who think that children are born to be parents slaves and THAT's THE BOTTOM LINE! They don' change because they don't know any other way of living and interracting with others. They are stubborn, miserable, negative and way too overcontrolling! I've lived 15 years on a different continent from her and finally she moved here too so now my life is even more miserable then it was when i was a kid, because back then I knew that one day i will grow up and move out and it will be it, but now I know that i just have to push her away and not see her, she is so harmful for me or my kids, bitter mean, wants to control my whole life and my childrens too.
Unfortunally in my case i know that she will not go into therapy and never change, she will always be that sarcastic egocentric little brat as she's been for 60 years. And sorry to tell you but your mother will never change! Stay away from her as much as u can and dont let her ruin the rest of ur life. My problem is that my mother and i work togeter and i have to see her almost every day. That kills me!!!!
Unfortunally in my case i know that she will not go into therapy and never change, she will always be that sarcastic egocentric little brat as she's been for 60 years. And sorry to tell you but your mother will never change! Stay away from her as much as u can and dont let her ruin the rest of ur life. My problem is that my mother and i work togeter and i have to see her almost every day. That kills me!!!!
Be strong in your heart and no that no matter what she does your heart and your soul is something she cannot damage unless you allow her... A Parent and a child are connected but if this connection is used wrongly then each shouldnt let the other hurt them..This is a case of live and let live .. make sure you live the way you can ,,, and let the other person just live in their fake world . Just remember that there are others like you and you need to be strong
Why don't you let her keep the credit card and simply not talk to her. You can withhold your affection by not seeing her, but to deprive her of the means to take care of herself seems vindictive.
My own mother was a very nasty person, especially to her in-law children. When she grew old my brothers and sisters and I chipped in to make sure she was comfortable and had everything she needed. However, because she was such a troublemaker, we put her in an assisted facility, rather than have her live with one of us.
I have walked in your shoes. She is old. Leave the past in the past.
My own mother was a very nasty person, especially to her in-law children. When she grew old my brothers and sisters and I chipped in to make sure she was comfortable and had everything she needed. However, because she was such a troublemaker, we put her in an assisted facility, rather than have her live with one of us.
I have walked in your shoes. She is old. Leave the past in the past.
I am 48 and the abuse does not stop with mothers. There is no such thing as talking to my mother. She uses me when she needs money and like a fool i pay most of her bills. She struggeld when i was young to put me through school and for that i thank her but a life time of abuse is something I can no longer go through. I need help to let her go because i find myself taking it out on my friends. I will no call her and reject the urge to call her. I know that she is old and could not be here long but she reallly abuses me to the point where i cry like a 2 year old all the time. My husband doen not know how this affects me nor does my son. Each day i get stronger after an attack and now i have decided to cancel the credit card she uses. I know it is a step in the right directiion.
The mother only has this one unique daughter. There is a reason this daughter went into psychotherapy-perhaps she wanted a way to understand her mother. It is of no consequence if the mother doesn't change. As her mother, she has some measure of ability to affect her daughter by what she says. That is the nature of the mother daughter relationship. The mother is supposed to pass on to the daughter what she knows. In this case, this mother has passed on a legacy of hatefulness and spitefulness. I know all about this. I am in the same position. I am 58, disabled, and live with enparents. My mother is consistently abusive and tries to hurt me. She even gets physically abusive at times. I live every day in dread that today is going to be the day when she is going to go off on me. She is mentally ill and emotionally unwell. She acts at about the three year old level as far as selfishness and self centered-ness go. It is all always, always about her.
All she cares about is being entertained by someone or something, yells at my father for his perceived deficiencies, and me as well fof no real reasons at all. She is hurtful and hateful. At times I hate her and at times I love her. I always miss the mother daughter relationship that I always craved for with her, but will never have. I shouldn't live alone, but she is always threatening to kick me out. I do all the cleaning, all the dishes, all the laundry,and much more-- and I cause harm to my body all the time doing it. Yet she never says thank you. She just ignores it. She sits on her chair, lays in her bed, or plays solitaire all day long, everyday. I am miserably unhappy. I just want to die, but its not happening fast enough.
All she cares about is being entertained by someone or something, yells at my father for his perceived deficiencies, and me as well fof no real reasons at all. She is hurtful and hateful. At times I hate her and at times I love her. I always miss the mother daughter relationship that I always craved for with her, but will never have. I shouldn't live alone, but she is always threatening to kick me out. I do all the cleaning, all the dishes, all the laundry,and much more-- and I cause harm to my body all the time doing it. Yet she never says thank you. She just ignores it. She sits on her chair, lays in her bed, or plays solitaire all day long, everyday. I am miserably unhappy. I just want to die, but its not happening fast enough.
Hi Ramona17,
I am going through the exact thing as you right now. Because I am not working, I had to move back with my parents. Also, I am caregiving for my father whom I get along with very well. My mother however is nasty, rude, hurtful and extremely verbally abusive and this has actually ruined my health. I was told by my MD that I have a rare immune disorder because I lived in such an abusive household for so many years. Trying to figure out how I can deal with her and remain healthy. I am currently looking for an ACOA type of support group which will help me to deal with her and keep my sanity. I hope you can find a support group that will help you as well. Good luck.
I am going through the exact thing as you right now. Because I am not working, I had to move back with my parents. Also, I am caregiving for my father whom I get along with very well. My mother however is nasty, rude, hurtful and extremely verbally abusive and this has actually ruined my health. I was told by my MD that I have a rare immune disorder because I lived in such an abusive household for so many years. Trying to figure out how I can deal with her and remain healthy. I am currently looking for an ACOA type of support group which will help me to deal with her and keep my sanity. I hope you can find a support group that will help you as well. Good luck.
Barb, I'm living in an identical situarion, but I see you wrote this 4 yrs ago. I'm new to this forum so I will try to find you somewhere on here to find out if you were able to find some relief. My mother is so verbally abusive, and, because of severe health and financial issues I'm forced to have contact with her, but she is very abusive. I have tried having a heart to heart but she is a very nasty person and thrives on creating drama.
i need help also. My mother says she is a Christian and more and her heretic behavior is turning her into a monster. I tells me i am possessed on a daily basis for the slightest things like not washing the dishes. She shout constantly even though we live in a quiet neighborhood. I'm so used to her i'm barely embarrassed. The worst part is it's like she's in another world, she isolates anyone who judges her cause she thinks they are possessed and she especially hates her sister who, in her mind is worse than Satan. She is constantly rebuking her and brings her up in almost every conversation. If anything bad happens to me she tells me its my fault for not fighting the demon of aunty .... My mother can do NO wrong. If you tell her anything like mom you left a wrapping here she snaps and starts praying and binding you. I no i shouldn't be living this way. I want a normal family. Every time we go to church or prayer meeting i'm always disappointed that God doesn't tell the pastor whats wrong with my mother to fix her. I just don't have the words.
Hi hun. I think we have similar past. I have a younger brother and the sun shined out of his arse. I am only daughter and have younger brother. My mum has left me with lots of family members saying do u want to keep her! I get verbal abuse from as far back as i can remember. I am now nearly forty. I have a daughter and only her. I spoil that kid and tell her every day how much i love her. She herself over years has formed oppinion of my mum her so called nan, She hates her. Refuses to spend time with her. I won't forse her. The end of the day it is our so called mothers who lose.
You give me hope for standing up to your mother and rebuilding a relationship on healthy terms. May I some day be able to do the same!
Why nurse these destructive feelings (destructive to you)? Just walk away from her. She is infectious.
I can answer that. These unfit mothers are all the same. They groom their brainwashed children into believing no matter what I am your mother and you only get 1 mother. I am hip to all their manipulation tactics which is why from here on out that lady is not my mother nor is she a lady.. she's is a racist, ugly, rotten to the core, false prophet who uses God to get money out of her children since she could never get her own church(THANK GOD) and last but not least an abusive unfit person who's unfit to walk around in society. I don't wish her any evil but if evil happens to her I won't feel a thing because atleast I will know justice has been served to her cold.
I don't want to call this lady my mother because she isn't my mother. She is evil and if I were you I would cut off your mother once and for all and let her suffer alone. These people are users and hypocrites and had it not been for God I would be strung out on drugs somewhere because of the neglect and physical abuse and sexual abuse I went thru as a child because of my mom whom to this day has never apologized or felt and remorse. She claims to be some prophet of God and she loves to call you a demon if you all her out on her evil! I know that God wants us to forgive but that's only if the person ask for forgiveness and trully wants it in their heart. So with that being said I don't have mom and when she dies which hopefully won't be long from now I will not care and I will not attend that witches funeral, because only when she dies will I receive true justice for all the evil this ***** has put me thru and still pus me thru till this day. I know I shouldn't talk like this but it is what it is.. and can't wait to get my self made over so i won't have to look like her ugly burnt up ***. I can't believe my deceased father laid with her! Out of all the women he could've chosen he picked a ugly gorrilla to sleep with and bear a girl she could mentally abuse.
You say your mother is abusive but give no insight as to why. What provokes her, for instance? And why do you put up with it? Is there an unexpressed need on your part? As a psychologist these are questions you should be asking yourself.
My mother has been very verbally (and somewhat physically) abusive towards me ever since I've been 15 years old. I am now 56 years old. She has assaulted me three times this year. The assaults weren't painful, they were more an emotional assault. She's 78 years old, and I want so hard to help her in her old age. I've been cutting her lawn, and shoveling her snow. For years. But I put a stop to it this past Saturday. Here's an example of her physical assaults on me:
This summer, after I was leaving, having just cut her grass, I had my back turned to her, we were on the front porch. She then gave me a shove from behind, and then took both of her hands and raked them down my back as hard as she could. When I confronted her about it, she turned the whole thing around and made it seemed that I didn't want to be touched. That it was my fault, that I was too sensitive etc. I know fully well when someone puts their hands on me friendly like, or in a false, monstrous way. I too feel that my mother is a monster. She can do her own snow from now on. This past Saturday, I let her have it. I became myself so abusive, that she will no longer want anything to do with me. Good riddance. btw, my Brother found out how I talked to her, he accused me of 'elder abuse.' Oh well. Too bad. He was always her boy. And they did some sick **** together. No screwing, but some weird ****. The fambly *****.
This summer, after I was leaving, having just cut her grass, I had my back turned to her, we were on the front porch. She then gave me a shove from behind, and then took both of her hands and raked them down my back as hard as she could. When I confronted her about it, she turned the whole thing around and made it seemed that I didn't want to be touched. That it was my fault, that I was too sensitive etc. I know fully well when someone puts their hands on me friendly like, or in a false, monstrous way. I too feel that my mother is a monster. She can do her own snow from now on. This past Saturday, I let her have it. I became myself so abusive, that she will no longer want anything to do with me. Good riddance. btw, my Brother found out how I talked to her, he accused me of 'elder abuse.' Oh well. Too bad. He was always her boy. And they did some sick **** together. No screwing, but some weird ****. The fambly *****.
@baby249:
your mother has on you the power you give to her. She says what she says as she really well know how you react. You are for her really predictable. well, try to consider how you could choose how to react. For istance: have you ever use irony, instead to take seriously her sentences? how she would react?
your mother has on you the power you give to her. She says what she says as she really well know how you react. You are for her really predictable. well, try to consider how you could choose how to react. For istance: have you ever use irony, instead to take seriously her sentences? how she would react?
I don't know what to do. My mother, in the past 12 years has lost her husband, 3 sisters, 2 best friends, her daughter, and recently her other sister. My mom has so much expectations for me, that I can not live my own life. Since my sister, I have gone on vacation with her and my nephew to Hawaii for 2 to 3 weeks at a time, for the past 3 years. I have done everything I can to help my mom, listen to her negative talk over and over again, all her stuff, and etc. I am a very positive individual, and really trying to be more of myself all the time. She critisizes me and puts me down for evolving and growing, because she does not understand it. She compares me to my only sister that passed away, that I'm not the same, and basically not as giving as a daughter like her. I have gone to my nephews home every Friday for a year to be with him, gone on vacation with her, take her out for dinner, helped her when her sister passed away, phone her almost everyday, talk her grocery shopping..all day, lunch, water her sister's garden, help with the house, etc. etc. etc. And all is ok, but it's never enough. This abusive behavior of hers is repetitive ...it creeps up. She has said horrible things to me about the past, and I feel dishonors me as a person, and who I am. She can not accept that I am a free spirit and want to live how I am comfortable. I don't ask her for anything, and have the finances to do what I want. I have developed an attitude being with her, that may transfer as not wanting to be there. But this is only because the conversation is negative, putting others down, and living in the past and all fear based. I am so not about that. She helps me with whatever I need, but makes me feel guilty. She is very manipulative with scares the heck out of me. We are so different. I want to be up lifting, serve the world, and live the best I can. If I set a boundary, she flies off the handle, and attacks me. I don't know what to do. She has been ill lately, and I have stayed the night, called everyday, and tried to help, but it is not enough. I don't want to have her out of my life, and want to have peace, and my birthday is in two days, but I don't know what to do...but I feel like being away from her. Any suggestions please.
This is a very old thread being dragged up.... I think that the above poster should have called the authorities or the family should have when this all happened ..Its good that you have got by it and moved on with your life it couldnt have been easy ..best wishes .
i AM A 39YR OLD DAUGHER of a very emotional & physically (she used to beat me up) abusive mother.I refer to her as "The Mega Beast". I chose to cut all ties to her about 5yrs ago, when during a holiday with my whole immediate family there, I said something sarcastic & she came at fists flying. This was the first time she had ever done this in front of them and finally my family believed me after yrs & yrs of telling them she had done this all through my childhood. My brother pulled her off of me and my father came to his senses to what a "real" monster she truely was. My sister has recently thrown her out of her life after the Mega Beast teased my sister's kids about their father's heart attack & death last summer. My brother on the otherhand has always been treated as if he could do no wrong by her and remains by her side. She has told my sister and I she regrets having us b/c she only ever wanted to have a boy. Yes I know this is sad, but true and I have been much happier sinse I have not spoken to her or had to deal with her for many yrs now. I miss the fact that I never had a good mother-daughter relationship, but I don't miss her at all. I believe the only true way I will be healed of all the pain she has put me through is when I can finally look at her dead body in a casket and know that she will NEVER hurt me again. Sorry for the honest harsh truth there, but I sincerely hope for the peace that day with bring!
Wow I thought my situation is extraordinary till I found this post. I'm 27 years old my mum constantly keeps abusing me verbally which give me the impression that I'm her worst enemy I get cussed for anything and everything not just at time she can allow my younger brothers and sister backstabbing talking all rubbish instead of shut them up as I'm their older sister instead she join them and add more spices to the conversation to get them laughs. Ohhhh all of this is bringing my self esteem down,no motivation,I don't look after myself since I get told I'm ugly anyway no matter what I put on. I'm broken inside out,can't to talk to friends about what my mother does to me I feel embarrassed. Wow I thought my situation is extraordinary till I found this post. I'm 27 years old my mum constantly keeps abusing me verbally which give me the impression that I'm her worst enemy I get cussed for anything and everything not just at time she can allow my younger brothers and sister backstabbing talking all rubbish instead of shut them up as I'm their older sister instead she join them and add more spices to the conversation to get them laughs. Ohhhh all of this is bringing my self esteem down,no motivation,I don't look after myself since I get told I'm ugly anyway no matter what I put on. I'm broken inside out,can't to talk to friends about what my mother does to me I feel embarrassed.
Wow I thought my situation is extraordinary till I found this post. I'm 27 years old my mum constantly keeps abusing me verbally which give me the impression that I'm her worst enemy I get cussed for anything and everything not just at time she can allow my younger brothers and sister backstabbing talking all rubbish instead of shut them up as I'm their older sister instead she join them and add more spices to the conversation to get them laughs. Ohhhh all of this is bringing my self esteem down,no motivation,I don't look after myself since I get told I'm ugly anyway no matter what I put on. I'm broken inside out,can't to talk to friends about what my mother does to me I feel embarrassed. Wow I thought my situation is extraordinary till I found this post. I'm 27 years old my mum constantly keeps abusing me verbally which give me the impression that I'm her worst enemy I get cussed for anything and everything not just at time she can allow my younger brothers and sister backstabbing talking all rubbish instead of shut them up as I'm their older sister instead she join them and add more spices to the conversation to get them laughs. Ohhhh all of this is bringing my self esteem down,no motivation,I don't look after myself since I get told I'm ugly anyway no matter what I put on. I'm broken inside out,can't to talk to friends about what my mother does to me I feel embarrassed.
Wow I thought my situation is extraordinary till I found this post. I'm 27 years old my mum constantly keeps abusing me verbally which give me the impression that I'm her worst enemy I get cussed for anything and everything not just at time she can allow my younger brothers and sister backstabbing talking all rubbish instead of shut them up as I'm their older sister instead she join them and add more spices to the conversation to get them laughs. Ohhhh all of this is bringing my self esteem down,no motivation,I don't look after myself since I get told I'm ugly anyway no matter what I put on. I'm broken inside out,can't to talk to friends about what my mother does to me I feel embarrassed. Wow I thought my situation is extraordinary till I found this post. I'm 27 years old my mum constantly keeps abusing me verbally which give me the impression that I'm her worst enemy I get cussed for anything and everything not just at time she can allow my younger brothers and sister backstabbing talking all rubbish instead of shut them up as I'm their older sister instead she join them and add more spices to the conversation to get them laughs. Ohhhh all of this is bringing my self esteem down,no motivation,I don't look after myself since I get told I'm ugly anyway no matter what I put on. I'm broken inside out,can't to talk to friends about what my mother does to me I feel embarrassed.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Abuse Support Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
