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help and support

hi there.
last week on his thirteenth birthday my son was left alone with my friends four year old son for about an hr.
my son is a young just turned 13 year old. still in primary(elementary) school
after we went home that night, my friends son told my friend that my son had touched him with his penis etc.
my friend rang me crying and screaming this down the phone, as i was driving home, thru the countryside so my son heard this this way.
my son since then and at the time, denies that he did any of the things the boy has said.
anyway, we had an interview with child protection and they were alos told the same of what happened that evening , by my son.

now.. my situation is - my son may be lying, doesnt appear to be and is behaving just like his nice natural self. if my son did this, it is almost certain that he has been abused himself as this behaviour is not something age appropriate.

if he didnt well just being accused could be damaging to him.

i need to get counselling myself ( i am in a paramedical profession), i want counselling for myson but i dont want him to think i dont belive him.

i am open to thoughts and suggestions.

that is the short version
i am extremely devastated, have had to postpone my clients/and patients this past week, and havent really known where to turn. my friends have been very supportive.
i live alone with my son and part time with my daughter who has just turned 20 she is due home tomorrow.
my son has not lived with his dad since he was a baby and doesnt have contact with him, his dads choice.
my son has had a nice childhood regardless of this, he goes to a Waldorf school, plays games and some sport, not a dvd watcher, not a computer user...
anyway thankyou , in advance
anna
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-9 Comments Post a Comment
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203342_tn?1328740807
Boy, this is a hard one. You don't have any witnesses so you're going on this little boy's word and your son. Well, one of two things happened. Either this little boy lied and perhaps has been touched or moletsted before so is aware of that, or your son really did touch him and is now afraid to say anything for fear of being punished.
You really need to sit down and talk to him and ask him to tell the truth. You need to explain how serious this is. Ask him if he's seen or heard things that would cause him to think about something like this. Perhaps he's heard things at school or something and was acting out because of the curiousity or a dare or something.
Because of his age, your son will be less likely to be believed. Most 4 year old's would not lie about something like this unless they have been molested before. This is such a hard thing. It may be hard to get to the bottom of this too. You should probably consider counseling for you and your son for awhile. Maybe with some help, this can all be sorted out.
My heart goes out to you. I know how devestated you must be. From now on, unfortunately, I'd say you probably shouldn't leave your son alone with younger children not just for their sake but to protect your son, also, from any accusations. I wish you the best. I hope you can find out the truth soon so that you can move on from this. God bless.
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299889_tn?1257342977
It is a red flag.  Children at this age are very curious.  You certainly don't want a repeat. A counselor can ask the right questions where mothers are too close to the situation.  Sometimes we attack and ask how could it happen to my family, that is, if there is something going on other than puberty and ect.  Talk to a counselor and ask what they suggestion as there is a method they use to uncover these things.
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332074_tn?1229564125
If indeed it really happened, I would be more apt to think if may it was curiousity. However that does need addressed. Not having a male role model in his life I am sure he feels he has noone to talk to. I think a counselor for both of you is a good idea.
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449026_tn?1206738142
i have a four year old son who told me that when he stayed at his friends house who is also four his older sister who is aprox 7 told my son that she plays sex games with her 4 yr old brother but not to tell mum because he would get into trouble but my son told me.. even though 4 year olds are very naive they are also very honest and i believe my son unfortunately when i told the mum she said she had had a word with her daughter who denied it all and nothing has been said since we are still friends but i am unwilling for my son to stay there again.. this is down to curiosity in children but when they tell someone not to tell anyone else or they will be in trouble then thats when you know they are lying,, i would get your son to councelling maybe he will open up to a stranger as you are too close for him to express his views and tell his side of the story good luck.
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Avatar_f_tn
thankyou i have just found all these replies.
firstly someone said he didnt react , perhaps i made it sound like that. yes my son was stunned when we both heard this allegation, and then very upset , upset that he knew that most people would believe a four year old over a twelve, well one day into thirteen year old.( it was his birthday) of course he is going to counselling, we are just about to go on a months holiday and couldnt get in until we return, and for his own sake i am not leaving him alone with young children at this point in time, not that in the past i would have either. my gp doesnt believe that he would physically be able to do what was intimated by the little boy / or his mum . he is definetly pre pubescent. He does have some good male role models family and close friend and they are aware of the allegation.
He certainly knows how serious the situation is ,as in this country it is reported to child protection and the police ( the police didnt contact us ) . He was interviewd by child protection and told them the same he told me of what they did in that hour. The psychologist has suggeste we step out of the drama, that i protect myson , still go on our vacation , and he is booked in to her when we get back. if nothing else, he needs counselling for the allegation anyway. how fearful alone would one feel from that ( i am a counsellor myself, but being his mother ...) My friend has never contacted me again , so i only know what was said on the phone that night and what the child protection counsellor told me. i guess time will tell. thankyou all so much. AM
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