Aa
how can you know if you are suffering emotional abuse from your mother?
i´d like to hear from people that have suffered emotional abuse from their mothers. Im really confused about this.
You sound exactly like me. I become anorexic starting at age 10. My world was so violent, chaotic, and unpredictable, and the only thing I could control was what I put in my mouth.
I lost over 30 pounds during adolescence (and I was thin to begin with.) This was the early '70's, and no one knew what anorexia and bulemia was. It wasn't talked about, no one made movies, etc.
I was shrinking down to nothing; my periods eventually stopped, and I started fainting a lot. My clothes were hanging off my body, so badly that in 9th grade, the principal sent me home with a note to put on clothes that fit. I didn't have any.
My mother didn't notice at all. I was, to her, a parasite, a germ, that she wished would just go away. As I write this, the feelings are coming back.
I got better, with the help of friends and my boyfriend, but I will always have body issues. I was OCD too...had all kinds of rituals that I created in an attempt to bring order to my life. I still have a few, but therapy has helped me tremendously.
Child abuse is such an awful terrible thing. The effects never really go away...you just learn how to manage them.
I lost over 30 pounds during adolescence (and I was thin to begin with.) This was the early '70's, and no one knew what anorexia and bulemia was. It wasn't talked about, no one made movies, etc.
I was shrinking down to nothing; my periods eventually stopped, and I started fainting a lot. My clothes were hanging off my body, so badly that in 9th grade, the principal sent me home with a note to put on clothes that fit. I didn't have any.
My mother didn't notice at all. I was, to her, a parasite, a germ, that she wished would just go away. As I write this, the feelings are coming back.
I got better, with the help of friends and my boyfriend, but I will always have body issues. I was OCD too...had all kinds of rituals that I created in an attempt to bring order to my life. I still have a few, but therapy has helped me tremendously.
Child abuse is such an awful terrible thing. The effects never really go away...you just learn how to manage them.
I suffered and still suffering with emotion abuse from my parents , when you start feeling worthless , feeling lost, feeling that you have no one beside you, feeling that your parents hates you. This is when you actually know that you've been abused emotionally. Of course you will feel a lot more than i've mentioned. Your self esteem will be down, and always feeling sad over anything. Your behavior will change as well. But its diffent from a person to another, people might go alcoholic, do drugs, to forget about this reality, others just might stay at their room, doing nothing but over thinking. I was always at my room, over thinking about everything. My abuse caused me mantal illnesses, such as ocd. Not a very fun thing at all.
This is a really old post, but I'd like to make some comments here...maybe they will help someone.
My parents physically and emotionally abused me my entire life. My mother is the real master of abuse, though. I'm 53; she can't hit me anymore (although I'll be she would try if the situation suited her.)
They live 1300 miles away, thank God. She still manages to hurt me when I talk to her on the phone. My father almost never speaks to me, and I don't know why.
Growing up was pure hell for me. The physical abuse was terrible; both of them would punch me squarely in the face, and when I was very small, my mother would do insane things to me. She denies ALL OF IT.
But believe it or not, it was the EMOTIONAL ABUSE that was worse. "Don't have kids, they ruin your life." , "I hope you die" and her favorite line "I HATE you; I wish you were NEVER BORN."
My father used to say "you're not worth the dirt under my fingernails." I remember him saying that to me like it was yesterday.
I didn't ask to be born; they brought me into this world, and then proceeded to try and destroy me, body, mind & spirit.
I made it out, intact, but barely. I'm high functioning considering what they put me through, but I think all the time of what I COULD have done with my life if I hadn't had toxic, evil parents who were constantly telling me I was a piece of garbage.
I put myself through college and got my bachelors degree. I wandered around through job after job; good ones too, but I always ended up quitting. My self esteem was non-existent, and I was constantly getting devastated and hurt by real or imagined slight of my co-workers. I was a frickin' mess.
I put myself in therapy finally, and went to a day-hospital program for women who were abuse survivors. I knew I was sexually abused too, but it happened when I was at a pre-verbal age so all I have is images, no words. It's awful. Pretty sure who did it, and I even confronted my mother about it. Of course, she told me I was crazy, and made it all up.
Therapy took year and years. My 30's and 40's was all about me confronting what my mother (and father) did to me. You have to dig deep and go through a LOT of pain to come out the other side. But I got better, little by little. Excruciatingly small steps at a time. Set-backs were constant.
My first marriage was to a shrink...no mystery there. We did love each other, and had a beautiful child with whom I am very close. My proudest accomplishment in life is that I never abused my child. Never hit her, never verbally abused her. I had no road-map on how to be a parent....I just knew that I didn't want to be my mother, so I did the opposite of everything she did. My child is a successful and happy adult now.
The first marriage lasted 15 years and then we amicably divorced; I still talk to him and consider him a close friend. He remarried a woman who doesn't think it's normal for us to be friends, so that's a bit of a problem, but I just "live and let live."
I was single for 11 years and dated abuser after abuser. I learned that people like me do that. We are constantly repeating the trauma of our childhoods, but hoping it will turn out different THIS time. It never did.
Fast forward (sorry for the long post)...I'm happily remarried to my 2nd husband. He is NOT an abusive person, and I've come a long way since my days of being a victim.
My mother is terminally ill, and I've tried to be close to her. She is like a stray dog...sometimes she is friendly and kind, and then without warning, she becomes verbally abusive. She's in her late 70's and STILL can crush me emotionally.
Since her illness, I've had set-backs. She has been horrible and hurtful to me. I asked if I could come visit her...I thought I wanted to see both of them once more time before they die. Her answer was "I need peace and quiet, and you are LOUD." I told her I would be quiet and she laughed scornfully at me and retorted "You? You are the loudest person I know. I don't want you in MY house."
Those words may not seem like much to the average person, but to me, they cut like a knife. She knows exactly what she is doing, which is to hurt me. I started to cry on the phone, and she laughed and hung up.
For some bizarre, insane reason, my mother derives some sort of pleasure my hurting me, or seeing me in emotional pain. She would deny this with her right hand on a Bible, but it is the truth.
For years I desparately tried to gain my mothers' approval and love. Years and years of ignoring my own needs, thinking i was a piece of trash, and hoping beyond hope that THIS time, she'd be nice to me.
Never happened. She has never said "I love you." Never hugged me. EVER.. As a child, I never climbed into bed with her, never held her hand, she never touched me.
My mother is horribly damaged. I try to see any slivers of good in her, but it is hard. She was abused by HER mother, and I knew the woman. I called her Grandma, but she was an awful person. That's a whole different story that I won't go into here.
If you have to ask if your mother is emotionally abusive, then chances are she IS. Parents are supposed to give you unconditional love and support.
My mother had a HUGE influence on who I am, unfortunately. As I said before, I have a good life now, but I had to suffer horribly for decades and fight for my self esteem and sense of self worth. Anyone reading this, you can talk to me here on the forum any time, because I GET it.
Good luck..
My parents physically and emotionally abused me my entire life. My mother is the real master of abuse, though. I'm 53; she can't hit me anymore (although I'll be she would try if the situation suited her.)
They live 1300 miles away, thank God. She still manages to hurt me when I talk to her on the phone. My father almost never speaks to me, and I don't know why.
Growing up was pure hell for me. The physical abuse was terrible; both of them would punch me squarely in the face, and when I was very small, my mother would do insane things to me. She denies ALL OF IT.
But believe it or not, it was the EMOTIONAL ABUSE that was worse. "Don't have kids, they ruin your life." , "I hope you die" and her favorite line "I HATE you; I wish you were NEVER BORN."
My father used to say "you're not worth the dirt under my fingernails." I remember him saying that to me like it was yesterday.
I didn't ask to be born; they brought me into this world, and then proceeded to try and destroy me, body, mind & spirit.
I made it out, intact, but barely. I'm high functioning considering what they put me through, but I think all the time of what I COULD have done with my life if I hadn't had toxic, evil parents who were constantly telling me I was a piece of garbage.
I put myself through college and got my bachelors degree. I wandered around through job after job; good ones too, but I always ended up quitting. My self esteem was non-existent, and I was constantly getting devastated and hurt by real or imagined slight of my co-workers. I was a frickin' mess.
I put myself in therapy finally, and went to a day-hospital program for women who were abuse survivors. I knew I was sexually abused too, but it happened when I was at a pre-verbal age so all I have is images, no words. It's awful. Pretty sure who did it, and I even confronted my mother about it. Of course, she told me I was crazy, and made it all up.
Therapy took year and years. My 30's and 40's was all about me confronting what my mother (and father) did to me. You have to dig deep and go through a LOT of pain to come out the other side. But I got better, little by little. Excruciatingly small steps at a time. Set-backs were constant.
My first marriage was to a shrink...no mystery there. We did love each other, and had a beautiful child with whom I am very close. My proudest accomplishment in life is that I never abused my child. Never hit her, never verbally abused her. I had no road-map on how to be a parent....I just knew that I didn't want to be my mother, so I did the opposite of everything she did. My child is a successful and happy adult now.
The first marriage lasted 15 years and then we amicably divorced; I still talk to him and consider him a close friend. He remarried a woman who doesn't think it's normal for us to be friends, so that's a bit of a problem, but I just "live and let live."
I was single for 11 years and dated abuser after abuser. I learned that people like me do that. We are constantly repeating the trauma of our childhoods, but hoping it will turn out different THIS time. It never did.
Fast forward (sorry for the long post)...I'm happily remarried to my 2nd husband. He is NOT an abusive person, and I've come a long way since my days of being a victim.
My mother is terminally ill, and I've tried to be close to her. She is like a stray dog...sometimes she is friendly and kind, and then without warning, she becomes verbally abusive. She's in her late 70's and STILL can crush me emotionally.
Since her illness, I've had set-backs. She has been horrible and hurtful to me. I asked if I could come visit her...I thought I wanted to see both of them once more time before they die. Her answer was "I need peace and quiet, and you are LOUD." I told her I would be quiet and she laughed scornfully at me and retorted "You? You are the loudest person I know. I don't want you in MY house."
Those words may not seem like much to the average person, but to me, they cut like a knife. She knows exactly what she is doing, which is to hurt me. I started to cry on the phone, and she laughed and hung up.
For some bizarre, insane reason, my mother derives some sort of pleasure my hurting me, or seeing me in emotional pain. She would deny this with her right hand on a Bible, but it is the truth.
For years I desparately tried to gain my mothers' approval and love. Years and years of ignoring my own needs, thinking i was a piece of trash, and hoping beyond hope that THIS time, she'd be nice to me.
Never happened. She has never said "I love you." Never hugged me. EVER.. As a child, I never climbed into bed with her, never held her hand, she never touched me.
My mother is horribly damaged. I try to see any slivers of good in her, but it is hard. She was abused by HER mother, and I knew the woman. I called her Grandma, but she was an awful person. That's a whole different story that I won't go into here.
If you have to ask if your mother is emotionally abusive, then chances are she IS. Parents are supposed to give you unconditional love and support.
My mother had a HUGE influence on who I am, unfortunately. As I said before, I have a good life now, but I had to suffer horribly for decades and fight for my self esteem and sense of self worth. Anyone reading this, you can talk to me here on the forum any time, because I GET it.
Good luck..
man, this is an old post, but I just... I flet like maybe it would be okay to post here.
my possibly paranoid/narcissistic/borderline/histrionic mom called the cops on me today, claiming she thought I was going to attack her. I did not, would not. I just was hysterical and trying to get the phone away from her so icould beg the 911 operator to take me away from here. I may talk big, but she KNOWs I would not. she just likes, in my opinion, to get my dad to yell at me. she's managed ot convince the police 9city hall is, unfortunately, across the street) that I am whatever it was she told them about me, and they've come to the house twice now, which was very traumatizing for me. I'm hypersensitive, and probably aspie, and I have attention deficit. 31 years old, female. I tried to wotk, but they forced me itno that before I was ready, and because of that idoubt I will ever be ready now, because I cried every day and night from stress,had nightmares, and when I revealed this to them accidentaly by bareaking down one day before they drove me to work, they rewarded my tears with yelling, claiming they were' trying ot scare me into stopping or something. I can't work due to sheer nerves and beign around people making me tired, confused and extremely suggestible, not to mention panic attacks. everyone I tell this to doesn't believe me. they believe her. am I crazy? I think I'm turbing into an emotionally/verbally abusive manipulative ***** like what I think she might be. she seems, to me, to want everyone to think Im batshit. but I feel like she's batshit. my father wont help me; he's her *****. iIf I am right about her, she manipulates him into taking her 'side' with tears, feigned illness, and goes so far as to eat badly on purpose and not exercise to exacerbate her health issues to manipulate us further. What do I do when nobody I go to for help will believe me? ;( I'm sad. this is not nice. it's not cool, and it's not right. what did I do in a past life to desrve this ****? if I am the bad one, what the hlel is wrong with me? nobody seems to want to share, but everyone has this look like oh **** I don't want to talk to this person. why won't anyone just TELL ME? do you feel like that? I'm no picnic either, but when somebody hurts somebody else, I don't like it. Period. doesn't mean I don't do it too, but truly, I don't like it. what gives? ifeel like I'm in hell right now.
my possibly paranoid/narcissistic/borderline/histrionic mom called the cops on me today, claiming she thought I was going to attack her. I did not, would not. I just was hysterical and trying to get the phone away from her so icould beg the 911 operator to take me away from here. I may talk big, but she KNOWs I would not. she just likes, in my opinion, to get my dad to yell at me. she's managed ot convince the police 9city hall is, unfortunately, across the street) that I am whatever it was she told them about me, and they've come to the house twice now, which was very traumatizing for me. I'm hypersensitive, and probably aspie, and I have attention deficit. 31 years old, female. I tried to wotk, but they forced me itno that before I was ready, and because of that idoubt I will ever be ready now, because I cried every day and night from stress,had nightmares, and when I revealed this to them accidentaly by bareaking down one day before they drove me to work, they rewarded my tears with yelling, claiming they were' trying ot scare me into stopping or something. I can't work due to sheer nerves and beign around people making me tired, confused and extremely suggestible, not to mention panic attacks. everyone I tell this to doesn't believe me. they believe her. am I crazy? I think I'm turbing into an emotionally/verbally abusive manipulative ***** like what I think she might be. she seems, to me, to want everyone to think Im batshit. but I feel like she's batshit. my father wont help me; he's her *****. iIf I am right about her, she manipulates him into taking her 'side' with tears, feigned illness, and goes so far as to eat badly on purpose and not exercise to exacerbate her health issues to manipulate us further. What do I do when nobody I go to for help will believe me? ;( I'm sad. this is not nice. it's not cool, and it's not right. what did I do in a past life to desrve this ****? if I am the bad one, what the hlel is wrong with me? nobody seems to want to share, but everyone has this look like oh **** I don't want to talk to this person. why won't anyone just TELL ME? do you feel like that? I'm no picnic either, but when somebody hurts somebody else, I don't like it. Period. doesn't mean I don't do it too, but truly, I don't like it. what gives? ifeel like I'm in hell right now.
i have been abused my whole life from my mom emotional and verbal abuse, i am 55 and she totally screws up all my relationships w girlfriends, she steals, lies and talks to my 90 year old father like he is a piece of ****, she wont make a will because she thinks she will die, I am at the point of really hurting her, She calls me 20 times a day to tell me what a wonderful mother she is, She wont go to a shrink and thinks the rest of the family is fot the issues, She used to take me to get drugs when i was a kid , it took me 45 years almost died to get clean, I cant take her abuse any longer, my therapist i used to go to said she is the devil in sheep's skin,My sister hasnt talked to her in 15 years, We both want to get her commited so at least my dad can have whatever he has left in life without her abuse, If anyone has suggestions please dont hesitate to tell me .
Thanks
George
***@****
Thanks
George
***@****
you do not give much information for one to give advice. also you do not give your age, just what are you calling emotional abuse luck jo
I never suffered emotional abuse from my mother but I did from my father. I'm not really sure what you are confused about. A lot of mine was mixed with physical abuse which is kind of hard to mistake for anything else but my father would say things to me like, "you ruined my life" and "why did you have to be born?" and "your a crazy psyco c*nt like your mother" and "f*ck you i never layed a hand on you your a b*tch" not to be rude but I'm not really sure what else you would classify that under besides emotional abuse especially when it is said to a child.
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