investigation with child protective services

My son has been w/the current babysitter for 1.5 years and he loves her to death.  She was also watching some kids next door (2 girls).  well, I believe the mom next door was the one who called Child Protective services on the babysitter alleging she threw my son over her head and acorss the room, she took showers with my son, etc.  My son went through the 1st interview at schoola dn they had concerns.  Now he is having to go through a special 2nd interview  with a forensic investigator and a detective.   I find it hard to belive she has done these things.  My son did deny being thrown across the room.  is it possible him being six, he gets mixed up with the questioning, etc.  Anyone else been thru this.  Also, now we are not using the babysitter b/c of this situation, have been advised not to return him to her.  It's just so much!!

I also wonder if the mom next door is angry at the babysitter and she is being vindictive, but I htink they would have to question her girls as well, right???

[PomoLady]

Okay, I have to say as someone who was abused that I never told , when I was questioned I denied it because I was scared. Please I know that the babysitter is a person, blah blah blah but come one were talking about a little boy who is impressionable and can't defend himself. Do I think there was physiccal abuse sounds like maybe not but there is something not right going on with this woman hence CPS and detectives involved, DO NOT take any chances.....p-lease for the sake of your child ....he is worth you being rude and NOT speaking to the babysitter anymore. Get this woman as far away from your family as possible who cares what her "FEELINGS" are not to be rude but she is a grown woman. Really! she will survive , however your son is at an age where he is very impressionable .

You said that his initial answer to the detective was yes about taking showers with her, I would believe this. Detectives have a way of getting it out . In the latest interviews your son said he was confused I would guess that is because of all the change going on ,

his confusion comes from the thoughts of ....Did I do something wrong? Am I going to get the babysitter in trouble? Am I going to get in trouble?.....

As a mother....mother to mother you ONLY job in this world is to protect that child....you have absalutly no oblligation to this womans feelings or acountability to her actions.....you stated that she is munipulative ....when someone shows you who they are BELIVE them. Really!....you only priority right now is your son, it ***** that you have to find a new babysitter but be greatful that this happened before you got a call from the hospital that he was thrown accross the room, please let this be the warning.

Don't worry about the babysiter right now stay focused on what is important right now and that is YOUR son. I strongly recomend you take the advise of the professional, this is what they are trained in, keep taking your son and I pray that their isn't more your son hasn't told.

I know you said you felt bad, it's probably cause your a good person but again your concerns need to be for your son. Once you cut of contact with this babysitter you will be able to look at the situation from a different standpoint and will have better clarity, but please as someone (me) who was abused don't take the allegations lightly there is a reason that the girls told, there always is......I can't tell you what it would have meant to me if my own mother would have made me a priority instead she "chose" to think of my abuser and because he was a repeat offender she didn't want to go to the police becouse he would of went back to prision......um maybe that's where he belonged but no he is free to this day and able to reoffend.

I will be praying for your streanght right now as this must be a terifying ordeal. But be thankful that it isn't any worse.  Please do not go back to the sitter or have contact with her you don't want to take a chance with your son, he only has one childhood and the affects of abuse last a lifetime. This happened as a blessing and take it as such and stay away from this woman for good. Just my opinion. Keep posting , and I will be praying for you and your son, you sould like good people and you don't deserve this. Bless

[AnnieBrooke]

They would certainly question all the kids, and I expect they will also question you.  When they do (if they have not yet), be sure to say that you can't believe your son would like the babysitter much if she threw him over her head and acted weird sexually.

[margypops]

Did you son say she took showers with him ? Leave it to the authorities they will get to the bottom of it and know what to ask children ..what about the 2 girls she also looked after are they being questioned as they would have seen this going ON ?

[benjimom]

I am not sure if the two girls are being questioned or not. but since I believe it was their mom I would say yes most likely.  I would hope so.  Should I not be talking to teh babysitter now at all, I feel bad for her and I can't bring my son over to her anymore. I am in the search for new babysitters. He really loves her a lot.  My son says no he did not take showers with her. I think he gets mixed up on the questioning, but he said yes to the investigator.  I know she put him in the shower a few times at my house before school.  It's a difficult situation. She' s been a good babysitter, no one is perfect.  The detective said to not talk to her about the case and to not let her see my son.   My son is six.  But sometimes they will tell otehrs what they will not tell the parents.

[teko]

It could be a vindictive person making waves, or it could be someone that has seen things that need to be addressed as well. With these kinds of situations, I think it is always best to assume there is something to it until the investigation proves otherwise. Safety first, and then if the investigation shows no abuse, the teller is the feller that needs investigated. Better safe than sorry comes to mind.

[allmymarbles]

If the babysitter picked him up and threw him across the room he would have bruises - at least. Aside from the normal scrapes and bangs a kid gets, have there ever been visible signs of what might be abuse? Does you son retreat when you ask him specific questions? Does he act like he has a secret?

Obviously we on the forum do not know if there was abuse or not, but all too frequently calls to child protective services have been malicious lies.

Another question. If the neighbor was so concerned, why didn't she approach you and tell you what she saw instead of going directly to the agency? That's a little funny, don't think?

[benjimom]

Yes, I guess let the investigation go thru it's course. I cant tell the babysitter much, so maybe it is better not to talk to her. I don't know anymore...  It's hard to know what to do.

[benjimom]

well, actually she did approach me, she called me one Saturday night and I addressed it with my son and I talked to the babysitter about it and she was mortified.  She was very upset and crying.  She tried to talk with the mother who called, but has not been able to.  She is just avoiding the mother and two girls now and the mother she said seems to avoid her as well.  

I feel bad for her as she is devastated by this, but I cannot talk to her much about what is going on, the sheriff's deputy told me not to.  Plus, it's hard for me to talk to her, I don't know what is going on honestly and I'm not supposed to say anything and she asks questions, etc.

I feel like I'm in the middle of this.  I had no idea when this lady called she would also be callign the authorities as well.

The claims on him being thrown overhead have been denied by my son.  I think he would be in the hospital if that happened honestly.

I just don't want the babysitter to feel like I've abandoned her too.

There is a lot of drama going on in the neighborhood that the mother and two girls and the babysitter lives in.  

[allmymarbles]

I just remembered something that happened to my youngest daughter several years ago. She was spending the summer in New Mexico with a her brother and sister. She must have been about 17 at the time. She had a lot of babysitting experience and liked little children, so she took a temporary job at some kind of preschool. She told me that for about half an hour every day she would sit the kiddies around her and tell them a story.

One day she was called in the the head of the school who was in a fury and fired her. A parent had complained that she was telling sexually explicit stories to the children. Fortunately my own kiddies are not shy. The two older ones took my youngest and went raging back to the school. I guess by their demeanor the owner could tell something was not right. It turned out that an older sister of one of the toddlers made it all up. Nonetheless, my daughter swore never again to place herself in that position.

Who saw the babysitter toss your son? Was it the mother, or one of her children?

[benjimom]

The mother (who is the neighbor) said her duaghters witnessed that.  My son denied that.  Of course, he would have been really hurt if that happened.

That's sad what happened to your dtr.  Sometimes I don't think people realize the havoc these accusations put on people's lives. Lives have been totally ruined b/c of it.

Right now I'm in the process of trying to find a new babysitter. I hate to do this, but I need someone now and also I don't know how long all of this saga will last.  

Does anyone know how long this stuff lasts??  

[allmymarbles]

I think it may be encumbent upon you to rush it along. Given that your child is so positive that he was not abused, and given the fact that he is in one piece after supposedly being flung across a room, and given the fact that no adult saw him flung, I am beginning to feel sorry for the babysitter. If you have doubts about what happened, I would tell the authorities and have then question the girls. Also consider that your son is involved and may feel responsible for the babysitter's problem (even though he had no part in it). Injustice sits hard on children.

I wonder if the girls did not like the babysitter or were mad at her for some reason. Why can't you talk to the sitter? No one can stop you from doing that. If she is innocent, and I rather think she is, she would be most comforted by your interest. Imagine how badly my daughter would have felt if she had had to live with a stigma because of someone's malice.

[allmymarbles]

I just remembered. There was a case of malice that was brought up on one of these forums that was much more serious. A stepdaughter claimed her stepfather was abusing her. Big, big mess. He was arrested by the police. It was not true. Children develop the ability to lie early on. Usually it is minor stuff, like getting out of trouble. Some children take it a step further.

[RockRose]

benjimom,  I'm really inclined to believe the daughters made this thing up entirely.  

Especially since your son adores this babysitter,  and I agree,  he'd have large bruises if she threw him to the ground.  Doesn't make any sense at all.

Plus the fact that the babysitter is so distraught and is calling you.  

I would be really inclined to distance myself from the mother and the daughters,  they're dangerous.  Next time they make something up it will be about you or your son.

Best wishes.

[margypops]

Let the investigations take their course, they will know what was going on if anything,keep an open mind  .. the main thing is here and in all cases that your child is the most important part of this, not the babysitter , so leave the babysitter out of it until you get word about the investigation.good luck

[Citizen T]

Wouldn't it have made more sense to set up hidden cameras than to let the cat out of the bag?

[margypops]

You may be right Citizen no one ever thinks of it till after the event I guess, maybe benjimom will know the answer.

[RockRose]

Margy,  I'm sorry to have to disagree with you about the babysitter not being the important part.

She's human too.  

It doesn't appear that the boy suffered at all,  he's denying it,  and in cases where children make up unfounded stories of abuse and ruin lives,  they need to be dealt with severely.

I think we learned this with the Salem witch trials.  

The very accusation of abuse will have a huge affect on this otherwise great babysitter's life.  I just wish kids who trump up this kind of thing could be more carefully screened,  and not be allowed such freedom to ruin people's lives on their word alone,  with zero other evidence.

[teko]

To put another spin on this, most, but not all children that have been abused will openly talk about it. Usually the ones that do are not the ones being abused. Fear of what will happen keeps them from talking. However, it does sound more like the babysitter is innocent, and if so and since the child is saying it never happened, she will be cleared in the end. Personally, I would follow the guidance and keep the child out of the situation until it is cleared up. If it turns out that the other child is lying, which she very well may be! Or at the very least making a mountain out of a molehill, or  her Mom just decided it sounded worse than what it was so decided to act on it. Who knows! But for the parent who complained to want to just instigate something for no reason is a little far fetched as well. So maybe there is something that eventually adds up to nothing, but let the investigation take place just in case if for no other reason than the possible safety of future children in this sitters care. Just in case. Then if the investigation shows nothing, the person reporting should face some consequences of her own. The investigation will go into other children she has set for, if nothing comes out of it, they will close the case.

[benjimom]

In the interview (initial) one at the school, my son told them that he takes showers with the babysitter. Also, pictures were taken with no clothes on.  She told him not to tell me things, etc.  She was calling the little girls next door "evil".  So as you can see I'm really confused b/c he tells me no they did not take showers togehter and then I asked him if he was afraid to tell me some things and he said that I would get mad.  The sitter fervantly denies taking showers with him. I'm just so confused.  My son will deny taking showers too when I ask him.  

We have a 2nd interview tomorrow with a forensics investigator and a detective as well as the gentleman from CPS.  with the 1st interview there was a possibility this could all be wrapped up, but that was not to be the case from my son's responses.  It raised concerns and a report was filed w.the county sheriff dept.

He denied being thrown overhead.

So right now, I am in the process of looking for new babysitters as I have to make a living and I need to do something, I don't know how long all this process will take.

The police detective told me not to talk to her about the case and it's hard to talk to her w/out talking about the case.  Until this is cleared, she cannot babysit.

She babysits for multiple families, will they investigate this?

Also, the CPS man said he has consistent things said from all teh children.  



I would hate to think my son did not tell the truth during the interview with CPS or he was led into saying Yes to things that did not happen.  But a lot of times kids will tell those people things they will not tell mom and dad and he might not even realize it is abuse.  Sexual abuse is a lot different than physical abuse, which I am 100% phsyical abuse did not take place.

What happens to people who falsely report?

Do you think it is smart at this point for me to look at other babysitters?  I like this babysitter even though at times she has been pushy and manipulative and has gotten angry before and stormed off a multitude of times wondering if she will sit for me again and has threatened in the past to find a new family.   She has been there a lot of times for me when I really needed her.  But I hate to bring new people into the picture and then throw them out again.  It's all so tough to know what to do.  

Thanks all for your respones it helps SOOOO much.

[benjimom]

Also, these girls LOVED the babysitter as well.  They seemed like they could never get enough of her and were at her house constantly, always banging on the door. The babysitter really wanted more privacy.  

[benjimom]

I can't really rush anything along, it's in the hands of the authorities. Also, the detective said it could "take some time" esp if it went to trial.  

I asked him about going back to the babysitter if this was all proved to not be true and his response (the detective), "we will cross that bridge when we get there".

[benjimom]

http://ritualabuse.us/research/false-allegations-of-child-sexual-abuse-by-children-are-rare/

This is an interesting study.  It said children tend to minimize abuse.

The detective said most that go onto this 2nd phase of interview are indicative of abuse, he said it's rare for it not to be true.

[teko]

Children do not recognize abuse unless they are being hurt physically. Taking a shower with the sitter may not cause a 6 year old to think anything is wrong with it. But if there are pics the investigaters will find them, they will check the computer if there is one, and talk to other parents who used her services in the past to check for similarities to what the current accusations are. If they are proceding to court, they must have something more than verbal accusations. This is a bad situation, and your child may think if you find out he is taking showers you will be upset, or he is feeling ashamed and doesnt want you to know. Who knows what is really going on, and I do agree that people call cps sometimes just to be vindictive, but looking at the total pic, in this day and age, I would say there is something to go on or it would not have gone as far as it has. Children need protected at any cost, and as much as I feel for the sitter, the safety of the children come first and there is not any other option. Lots of people who have abused children got away with it for a long time without getting caught. I do hope it gets resolved soon.

[benjimom]

We are going for the 2nd interview this morning. I have to pick up my son early from school and bring him there to an unmarked home for the interview .  I am nervous about it all.  

Yes, I agree the kids come first and everything has to be fully investigated.

[margypops]

Well heres my opinion straight up, I believe the girls, when you have said here there were showers taken and photos taken sorry thats a big red flag in my head...'she told him not to tell things' thats what they do they also bribe them with gifts and treats.....it sounds like they believe the girls aswell..anyway you will know soon enough..

[RockRose]

I don't know what to think,  now.  I agree with Margy that if there are actual photographs of him nude in her possession,  that's VERY damning.

[allmymarbles]

I am thinking about the business of taking showers together and wondering if that could be innocent. But the pictures bother me. I took naked baby pictures (who hasn't?) but never  one of a six-year old. Now that I think of it I have pictures of my daughter and my niece, both almost three, starkers, and looking so cute. This is all very confusing.

What nags at me is the nursery school scandal of many years ago, where the owner and the owners family was completely ruined by charges of child abuse. The whole thing turned out to be false. All of the little "victims" had been interviewed and it was on the basis of the interviews that the family was convicted. It was thought that the interviewers' techniques had led to the false accusations.

My second daughter, in her work with EMS, uncovered two cases of false accusations (by children) of child abuse. In these cases, the accusers were a bit older and malice was involved. The police were completely taken in.

I wonder if we will ever know what really happened, or didn't happen.

[margypops]

I wouldnt want my 6 year old boy showering with an older babysitter under any circumstances whatso ever. anyway it sounds like the Authorities are taking it seriously ..I also do no actually know the statistics I will see if I can find them but I would hedge a bet that more abuse actually happens is true than kids telling lies .....

[benjimom]

My son denies to me that he takes showers with her, but he told the social worker yes to that question.  Today he said something like I don't know (per his words). I'm not sure what is going on really.  Anyway, they said to not use her as a babysitter and take her off my pickup list at school.  My son said today that she told him the day before I called social services back about my son that she wasn't going to be watching him and some of her other kids.  NOt sure about that.  She seemed devastated not to be watching my son anymore. Of course, I was ordered again today to have no conversations with her about any of this and really to not have communication at all.

They have to interview four girls , two from the next door neighbor's home and two from down the row (they all live in a townhome complex).

It is scary that you coul dbe giving your life to working with kids and then be falsely accused and it all go downhill.

The detective said he did not see any malicious intent in this case.

[allmymarbles]

This comment here has nothing to do with your case. Authorities, including the police, get very excited at the thought of catching an abuser. I don't know if this affects their objectivity and judgment, but it might. Certainly the two cases of false accusations caught by my second daughter got resistance from the police when she went to bat for the adult. They did give in, however, when she explained the circumstances, and no charges were made. But suppose she hadn't been there, and suppose she hadn't been so close to the police?

[benjimom]

Yes. I agree they get excited, it's like they will do anything to prove abuse.  I'm really worn out with the whole situation.  They asked me today if my son ever sees me naked, I said yes sometimes, but it's not all the time.  When you have a young child, you don't get a lot of privacy.  Then he said something that the sitter should not be showering when babysitting, Yes, I guess I agree, but in a perfect world.  

I work in healthcare and my life could go on a donward spiral if I made a fatal mistake.  I could get sued and taken to court too.  

I honestly don't know if any abuse occured or not, but I'm going to just sit tight for now and let the authorities do their jobs.

[allmymarbles]

I feel sorry for you and your dilemma. And why are they asking you if your child has seen you naked. What are they suggesting? I am sure every one of my kids has seen me naked at the age. We were not an overly modest household in any case. Is this the old business of attributing sexuality to just about everything? I wish Freud had never been born.

[allmymarbles]

The more I think on this problem the more that occurs to me. You said your son says different things to different people. Little children have antennae. They know what people expect to hear, and they want to please them. They don't see it as lying, It is out of that realm. I can remember, when I was very young, lying to a judge in family court. In my mind I was not lying; I standing by my mother.

[benjimom]

I just wonder, does that mean it happened or did not happen or he just doesn't know what to say to which person. to me he says the showers never happened.  To the social worker he said yes they did happen.  To forensic investigator he told me he said Idon't know or I don't think so, very noncommital.  He was uncomfortable going into the room with the investigator and he worked for a short time and then he got a break and would not go back in again.  He was not very cooperative there.  Just strange.

Then my babysitter said before he was questioned at the school that she was concerned about what his responses would be, she said any other kid I have I would not worry, but about him I do.

Strange... mysteriious....

[allmymarbles]

Tell me about your son, and what he is like.

[RockRose]

Benjimom,  can you clarify about the naked pictures?  

Is it a rumor that she has taken pictures,  or do they actually have pictures of your son naked, in her possession?  

Sorry to be so intrusive,  but to me this is make or break.  

[PomoLady]

Okay, I have to say as someone who was abused that I never told , when I was questioned I denied it because I was scared. Please I know that the babysitter is a person, blah blah blah but come one were talking about a little boy who is impressionable and can't defend himself. Do I think there was physiccal abuse sounds like maybe not but there is something not right going on with this woman hence CPS and detectives involved, DO NOT take any chances.....p-lease for the sake of your child ....he is worth you being rude and NOT speaking to the babysitter anymore. Get this woman as far away from your family as possible who cares what her "FEELINGS" are not to be rude but she is a grown woman. Really! she will survive , however your son is at an age where he is very impressionable .

You said that his initial answer to the detective was yes about taking showers with her, I would believe this. Detectives have a way of getting it out . In the latest interviews your son said he was confused I would guess that is because of all the change going on ,

his confusion comes from the thoughts of ....Did I do something wrong? Am I going to get the babysitter in trouble? Am I going to get in trouble?.....

As a mother....mother to mother you ONLY job in this world is to protect that child....you have absalutly no oblligation to this womans feelings or acountability to her actions.....you stated that she is munipulative ....when someone shows you who they are BELIVE them. Really!....you only priority right now is your son, it ***** that you have to find a new babysitter but be greatful that this happened before you got a call from the hospital that he was thrown accross the room, please let this be the warning.

Don't worry about the babysiter right now stay focused on what is important right now and that is YOUR son. I strongly recomend you take the advise of the professional, this is what they are trained in, keep taking your son and I pray that their isn't more your son hasn't told.

I know you said you felt bad, it's probably cause your a good person but again your concerns need to be for your son. Once you cut of contact with this babysitter you will be able to look at the situation from a different standpoint and will have better clarity, but please as someone (me) who was abused don't take the allegations lightly there is a reason that the girls told, there always is......I can't tell you what it would have meant to me if my own mother would have made me a priority instead she "chose" to think of my abuser and because he was a repeat offender she didn't want to go to the police becouse he would of went back to prision......um maybe that's where he belonged but no he is free to this day and able to reoffend.

I will be praying for your streanght right now as this must be a terifying ordeal. But be thankful that it isn't any worse.  Please do not go back to the sitter or have contact with her you don't want to take a chance with your son, he only has one childhood and the affects of abuse last a lifetime. This happened as a blessing and take it as such and stay away from this woman for good. Just my opinion. Keep posting , and I will be praying for you and your son, you sould like good people and you don't deserve this. Bless

[margypops]

Good Post Pomolady  I  agree with you, the child is who is important ...not the baby sitter  .

[benjimom]

there are allegations she took pictures of him with no clothes on and in the first interview he said yes she did.  No, there are not any that I know of that they have found, of cousre, they would probably have to do a search warrant to find those and go through her home, etc. cell phone, computer, etc...

[benjimom]

thanks for your wonderful post. It helped a lot.  I just have to do what is best for my son and what the authorities recommend i do.  I honestly don't know if anything happened or not, but I cannot take him back there. I have come to a conclusion as well, if she is found innocent, I think I am going to stay on the same path with new people and not go back into that mess. It's been too painful, whatever, the outcome.  

I think my son is confused b/c he knows we are looking at new sitters. I have to find new sitters so I can go to work and do my job. there are no other options.  I have to work.  

He told me the other day that on the last day she babysat him, she told him she wasn't going to babysit for him and some other kids she babysits for until she can get the mess cleared up.  that was before she knew she was reported to CPS.   I find that strange.

She is a nice person, would give you the shirt off her back, but then other times, she would lose her temper and then not talk to you anymore and you could not get her to sit down and talk about it and she would threaten to find a new family to watch.   It's like at times she just blew her top. This happened at least 4-5 times. I found it very upsetting esp since I am a single mom.   She did a lot of nice things for my son, bought him gifts, food, etc.  

But then she kept going back with this on/off again boyfriend, it was constantly they were broken up, then together, etc.  It just seemed very immature.  She is 21.

another time,  I was using a weekend sitter and she wanted those hours because she said she had made "an investment" in my son.   It's not right of me to yank hours from someone already promised and she would put me in a very bad position.  

So I guess looking back I was very easily manipulated too by her.  She is very strong and you don't want her to lose her temper.

I am just confused and looking back at a situation, etc.

[benjimom]

My son is 6 and he has some sensory issues. He is very sweet and loving at times.  He has a lot of energy, likes to play outdoors and explore.  He is happiest I think when playing with nature.  He loves flowers, any plants.  He loves snow.  He is in OT for sensory issues.  

[benjimom]

The detective also mentioned that she shoudl not be taking showers while having my child under her care, she shoudl be dressed and ready to take care of him when he comes into her possession.  

[meiram]

Just have to say going by your description of this woman, it is probably best you look for a different sitter even if she is found innocent of the abuse.  Doesn't sound like anyone I would want watching my kids.  You shouldn't be afraid of making her lose her temper.  

[benjimom]

I stayed with her b/c my son loved her and still loves her.  He was asking today when he could see her again.  So, yes, she is a bit feisty at time and quick to react....  I don't think she ever hurt him. I am concerned that she was calling the girls next door "evil".

[PomoLady]

Im happy to hear you being honest about your feelings and reservations about the whole situation. I understand that you have to work to support you and your son and I think it's awesome that you have a job, if you set your mind on moving on right now and letting this woman go .....get her outta your thoughts , you will be able to focus on a new family oriented mother who can possibly babysit. Does your son go to school if so maybe their is another mother that can sit, or a family friend , gramma or auntie, ?????

You would be suprised what you can come up with when you have to , remember the mother of invention is necessity!.....Were mother's and their isn't anyone in this world more resoursefull then that. ....Right!!!!  So get your big girl panties on , forget about the old sitter , don't speak of her, talk to her, don't her steal one more ounce of your energy that can be better suited to someone who is deserving.

I would totally recommend that you ask around to other moms .....they are where it's at , trust me all moms are like a gang we look out for one another and our kids. If your son askes about her let him know she has made mistakes and were not going back their anymore, Period . That;s it,,,,,kids are resiliant, but make sure you give him a reason and stick to it, that simple.

Remember you tech people how to treat you and your kids and if put into your mind what you will and won't allow , people will see and respecct it, trust me. Also when you speak to your son be honest (age appropriate) , and be positive . Let him know the sitter made a mistake and we no longer have anything to do with her. After all you are teaching your son how to allow people to treat him, he also needs to know that their is nothing that you wouldn't do for him. I don't know if you have explained why everyone is asking him if he took a shower with the sitter, I would guess that the detectives have.

This is an oppurtunity for you to open a dialog about abuse and what it means and what is appropriate and what isn't . Let him know that taking showers with adults isn't appropriate and and it's a mistake she made and you won't allow anyone to hurt you.
I know you can do it, stay strong and focused!!!! Focus on what you Want not on what you don't want. Remember where attention goes energy flows. You are a good mother and I know you and your son will be able to put this behind you and be better for it. Be Blessed!

[allmymarbles]

She may have been calling the girls "evil" because they were lying about her. Here I am playing devil's advocate. I am concerned that the babysitter may be innocent. She may be a little eccentric but that is far far different from abuse. Yes your son is great importance, but so is the accused.

[kathy434]

Children and Youth Services handle reports professionally.  They don't go into a reported problem half-cocked.  When something is reported that indicates a child or children could be in danger, they are not going to ignore it.  For heavens sake be grateful about this.
A six year old will never disclose he's been abused or anything that has happened to him at the babysitter when he has been coerced or threatened or made to think this was OK behavior and a special secret between babysitter and the child because she "loves" him and he "loves" her.  He is still trying to figure out what is 2+2 and where his seat is in the classroom.
The girls are not stupid.  They saw questionable behavior happening with the little boy that they knew was wrong, and reported it to their mother.  She would be an absolute nin-com-poop to ignore what the girls told her and she was very alarmed.
Of course that mother won't talk to the babysitter.  She has been instructed not to do so.  You should not talk to the babysitter either, as you have been instructed.
Your most pressing priority is to fully protect your little boy.  He is still a baby in many ways, and certainly not able to protect himself against any adult.
You are living in la la land fretting so about the happiness of this babysitter more than forming a web of protection around your little boy.
Believe me.  I was an abused baby right on up to adulthood.  Never did I tell a sole because I knew nobody would believe me or I would get punnished for being a bad girl.  So mother, don't be on your babysitter's crying list.  She is a adult who can and will take care of herself just fine.  Her "pained position" now may be to try to make you her ally, when it 9is your little boy who needs you most.  Don't feel sorry for her. Proceed with the investigation and let the chips fall where they may.  It may be nothing; it may be everything!

[margypops]

Thank you its what I have been saying I dont get all this concern for the Baby sitter a Mom protects her child ,the child cannot protect himself..I will never believe that children lie more than abuse takes place ....

[PomoLady]

I am not sure if you realize this but the suspecct here (the babysitter) has been reported allegedly abusing CHILDREN. Im not sure what your point is about her being of great importance.....really??? Put it into perspective she is a grown woman, and were talking about little children.....CHILDREN!!!! Be serious and get REAL!

[benjimom]

as of now, we are still in teh investigation as far as I know. I haven't heard anymore and I haven't inquired anymore either. I am just waiting to hear. I don't know how long it will go on.  But I have moved on to another sitter.  

I guess I just worry about people being wrongly accused, but I do think this has to be FULLY investigated and I would hate for something to be missed and her to keep keeping other children as well and causing harm, etc.  

[PomoLady]

I agree no one should be wrongly accused however it's not your place to say. I commend you for facing the situation without blinders. I wish you well with the new sitter and keep up the the good work with motherhood. Take care.

[benjimom]

Yes, it has to be fully investigated, I could miss things as a mother. I don't think she is an abuser, but you know people have been tricked and surprised before.  It's not always so obvious, many times not so obvious.  

My son is not the easist person to sit for, though, he has gotten better, but I suppose all kids have their moments, it's just hard to make these big changes.  

I may never know really what happened or did not happen.  

[allmymarbles]

You are apparently not aware that children are capable of malice. Where do you think malicious adults come from? Yes, I think it is important to keep an open mind vis-a-vis the babysitter. That is known as justice.

[benjimom]

Yes, some kids do do things out of malice. I guess that is why we have to investigate EVERYTHING to the fullest.  We can't assume someone is guilty until an investigation is done.  I think sometimes in this system it's guilty until proven innocent.

[margypops]

Have you heard back from the authorties investigating her, its been a while what do they say now ?

[benjimom]

No, I have not heard anything Margypops. I wonder ultimately what will happen.