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is it abuse?
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is it abuse?

I am 17 years old, I've been daiting my boyfriend for four months. He tells me I can't spend time with some people(well anyone). He tells me that in lying all the time when I'm really not. I can't have any guy friends I'm also not allowed to be with my own sister. The reason he doesn't want me to be with my sister was because she smokes pot (but she has stopped) she's my bestfriend and I miss her but I get yelled at and accused that I would do what she does. My mom and my brother are whom I live with and they both smoke cigs and I have horable asthma and he doesn't want me around it but I kinda can't help it because I live here and he yells at me for being around it. Another thing is school he hates that I go to school because all the guys there he thinks I'm going to cheat on him and I never would this kid means the world to me and I tell him that everyday. I always seem to be doing things wrong everyday and he brakes up with me but I cry and he stays. Let me remind you he is adoptid and his birthmother tells me that he is bipoler. He told me he his scared to be abanded again and has no trust. Am I the one in the wrong? I don't leave him because he's my first and he seems that he cares. Am I the one in the wrong?
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37 Comments Post a Comment
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13167_tn?1327197724
Do you really have to ask this question? It's clear from your post that you'd be foolish to stay with him.

I'm not sure what you're looking for.  What were you hoping other people might say?
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Avatar_f_tn
yeah, call me foolish but I really care for this kid. Idk if it's because he's my first or if it's something else. /:
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757137_tn?1347200053
The questions has more to do with you than with him. Why would you keep company with someone who is so unpleasant and bossy? There are nice guys out there. Find one.
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Avatar_f_tn
I keep company with him because I really do are for him well you can say he's my first love and it's a heart brake to leave him or be left.
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535822_tn?1389452880
And..like  a  lot of woman we think it will get better and we can change them, we cant ,they have to change themselves...so all you can do is talk to him , tell him how you feel, see if he will stop what in my opinion is verbal abuse .if he seems as if he wont listen or thinks its you, then  you will be very sorry if you continue down the road with him .I understand what you say when you mention he is your first love , and it wont be easy .There are many ,kind good guys out there at your age you can take your pick,focus on you, make yourself strong, and educated, think of your future , do you really want to be tied to a loser..its not  a nice life ..trust me ....
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Avatar_f_tn
17 and controlled,yes this is abuse,this can be worse than being slapped in the face,he is abusing you mentally he has full control over you and it will get worse it always do,you say you loves him,how can you love someone that continues to make you cry threaten to leave and more so stops you seeing your own sister,i mean come on please,let him go,have some fun before this gets out of controll and the hate and violence starts.
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Avatar_f_tn
thanks. This is a hard choice. I've had guys that treated me better but I never had that spark with him but I also never really gave him a chance. But the kid I'm with now yeah he buy me things yeah we go to the movies and he buys me dinner and stuff but I don't look for that. I just want to be cared for and looked after and protected. I wanna leave him but yet I wanna stay with him. It feels like both arms I tied at the wrist and I'm being tuged on one side by friends and the other side by him and there going back and forth and I'm stuck in the middle.
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932659_tn?1332122304
I would get out of this relationship now, before you end up staying out of comfort and because you feel sorry for him.  He sounds a lot like my Ex, who I stayed with for 20 long years and it does a lot of damage in the long run, a lot.  The person who loves you should be happy to see you have friends, be around them, be around your sister and your family.  The person who loves you would tell you he doesn't like that you are around the smoke and maybe try and find an alternate solution for you, but not yell at you for it.  I could go on and on.  He'll always acuse you of things you aren't doing, but maybe he is actually doing.  Everything will always be your fault, he will always be the hurt little victim.  Ugg, sorry if I sound so bitter but it just disgusts me to see you or anyone treated this way.  But in the end it's Your choice, and only You can get out of this now and being treated this way.
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Avatar_f_tn
wow, 20 years? I wouldn't be able to do it that long. I thought things would change but they haven't. I do love him and I always will it's one of the hardest things I have to do. I'm going to wait until next month and I'm giving it thought. I hope I get my period though to because he kinda... Yeah by acsadent. But I'm really considering it.
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535822_tn?1389452880
If you mean what I think you mean thats still no reason to stay in fact it is the main reason to go ...
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932659_tn?1332122304
It will be hard, but it will be harder if you stay, trust me.  That's how I got to 20 years, by always putting it off till next month, or see how this goes, or that goes.  Time flies, it really does, don't waste your youth :)
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Avatar_f_tn
awe, thank you all so much. Still confused I know staying with him would be wrong  but I know I'll be depressed and not know what to do when I do leave.
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757137_tn?1347200053
We can all understand the attachment to a first love. You are very young and do not realize yet that a second, and perhaps greater, love may be waiting around the corner for you. A love affair should make you happy, and you are not. When you realize that you cannot change him you will drift away - at least I hope so.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm having that drift now kinda. My feelings aren't as strong as they were before.
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285927_tn?1380802356
Where is your mother in all this and what is her advice? Obviously this guy has issues and yet so do you. The mere fact that you care for someone who treats u like the living room couch tells me something is severely lacking here.
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Avatar_f_tn
my mom is going threw her own things and I choose not to invovle her. Everyone has there issues, I never said I didn't have any. I don't understand what is lacking. I'm a person that is caring and gives chances, true he treats me like crap but then he has his good sides. Yeah I let people walk over me like a door mat but I'm used to it until I reach my limit then I make them trip. And I'm starting here. I don't let him walk over me I do tell him how it is anymore but we struggle and still fight.
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535822_tn?1389452880
well you see the consensus here, unless he wants to change it will always be this way..you said you 'hope you get your period' my guess at that would mean you think you may be pregnant ?
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Avatar_f_tn
yeah. But I just recenly ended my period and then we had sex like 4 days after. So I need to not think that way.
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757137_tn?1347200053
The last thing you need right now is a baby. That would tie you to this man for life. So take all precautions. You have plenty of time to become a mother. I never even started on that road until if was 32.
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Avatar_f_tn
I don't wanna become a mom yet I'm 17 I don't plan to have one until I'm 28 I still wanna finish school go to college I have my life planned out and the plan doesn't have a baby in it yet.
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Avatar_f_tn
people are telling you to leave him, but i understand that he is your first. you love him. i get it.
so before you leave him, talk to him about it and give him a second chance. remember to make it a big point that you love him and that you are afraid and how you don't want to leave him. confront him, but remind him that you care about him.
i think it is abuse, but im girl who believes in second chances.
ESPECIALLY when it comes to men.
they are the stupidest things on this earth aside from bricks. ;)
no offense guys
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Avatar_f_tn
hahahaaa. Yeah I was thinking about that. This morning surprised me because he texted me and was like" do you love me for me despite the way I act and treat you " so I think he is hitting realty now and knowing I'm not gunna put up with the stupid crap. I think he's coming around. (:
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285927_tn?1380802356
Yeah, thats usually part of the pattern, oh I am so sorry, I luvs yu and wont never do it again. Please dont leave me give me second chance K? The gifts, the great times and then 25 years later, yep yer still saying the same thing and so is he. Yeah, give him that second chance.
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Avatar_f_tn
wow, you really took that to affence.
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Avatar_f_tn
no offence here but you have had alot of replies here and yes most are leave him this is mainly because alot of these woman have been where you are at some point in their lives and dont want you too go through the same,you do have one response saying give him a second chance,but this is by a 12 year old,not to sound funny but how can a 12 year really understand about relationships,and giving second chances,at this age you shouldnt even have boyfriends.
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Avatar_f_tn
today 3.24.11 I found out something is wrong with my daddys heart. I'm daddys little girl my family means the world to me. My dad means so much to me. I cried my eyes out all night. My boyfriend did not even confert me. He said he didn't know what to do. He was flipping out on me calling me a b*tch and mean stuff. I let him have it today. I am going threw so much and a boyfriend is supposed to be telling you he's there for you and things. Nope not him. Sat the 26th is our four months. I am spending the weekend with him but him and I are going to have a talk. I can't do this anymore if he isn't going to help me threw this. I've given him chances this is it. I'm not going to give my heart out to someone who doesn't want to cherish it. It won't be worth it if I feel like I'm the only one working for the relationship. Thank you all, you all made me think about a lot of things.  Thank you all so much

Much love xoxox.
-Kristi.
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Avatar_f_tn
i hope your dad will be fine.
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932659_tn?1332122304
I pray that you Dad will be ok :)  
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