it still effects my life.

[kaykay2k13]

When I was about 8 years old (I'm not 19) my mom got with this black man.  We stayed in a hotel bc she wanted to see him we were three for two days.  There was a swimmming pool but bc of it being late when we got there we had to wait til the next day.  It was me my younger sister and my two younger brothers and my mom and her dude she was seeing that were there.  We had two beds.  The next morning when we got up we asked to go swimming and I woke my mom to ask her and she said that when we all got ready to go we could go well while the others were changing I noticed(not at the time but looking back) that him and my mom were having sex but he was behind her laying in the bed trying not to make it too obvious.  And he looked at me and winked.  When everyone else was done I went int he bathroom to change when I came out he was waiting by the door when I walked by he slappedme on the butt and winked and said "bad girl" I didn't understand that then.  Then I went to tell my mom and she said he meant nothing by it that I should listen to him.  When he came back I walked away from the bed but the whole time he was laying down he smiled at me. I walked over to wake my mom up to tell her to wake up so we could go swimming and as I reached up to grab her shoulder to shake her he grabbed my arm pulling me between them with my moms back facing me but his front on my back.  He then held me laying on my side while he put his hand down my top and at the same time down my bottoms I then started reaching across my mom grabbing at everything I could to get up while I was crying bc he wasn't letting me up.  My mom kept getting mad telling me to stop and to be still.  He finally let me up and I ran all the way across the room and everyone but my mom was looking at me.  After a second I ran to the bathroom crying she came to the door telling me to come out she had to pee.  I grabbed a towel and covered up as I waited by the door for her to come out.  I told her about it as we were leaving the hotel and she said there was nothing she could do bc she didn't see it happen.  That I should have told her when it was happening.  
When I was 12 my mom got her rights took away from her with just me bc I wasn't going to school on the count of depression and shutting myself off from everyone afraid of what happened and not knowing what to do about it.  I got out with a 6th grade teacher, that's the grade I was in at the time, she had two sons that lived with her one that was almost right at a year older then me and the other about 5 years older then me.  I stayed upstairs they stayed downstairs.  One day the oldest came and grabbed me by my pants legs and pulled me down the steps.  The younger one tried pulling me away from him, my pants ended up ripping and that night we went to church they made me wear a skirt to church and on the way back the younger one put his hand under my skirt and looked at me and was gesturing for me to be quiet.  He then put his fingers down there.  And when we got home he finally stopped I ran upstairs locking the door to hurry and change.  I was afraid to tell anyone thinking they wouldn't believe me.  
When I was 14 I went to stay at my uncles house and he was drunk one night me and my sister fell asleep on the bed while he was awake, I woke up to him having his hands in my pants and his hand under my bra.  I moved around hoping he would stop bc of being scared of him he had recently(while drunk) grabbed me by my neck and slammed me into the floor saying he would slam me through the concrete that he didn't care.  I finally got up and went to the bathroom asking my mom to come get us in the next morning.  Bc it was 3 in the morning. She asked me what had happened when we got home and I told her nothing and she was like didhe touch you in any kind of way, my brother had told her bc he had seen it.  But she still did nothing about it.  
When I was 16 I had a drunk old man(while he was drinking) pulling his shirt up, wanting me to lift up my shirt.  I told him no and he kept trying he then wanted me to come over.  I walked over staying a good distance away, he then was trying to pull my shirt up himself I pulled away as fast as I could telling him no.  I ran to the room the lady that was there telling her but no one done anything about it.
Now I am married and I've woken up to my husband having his hand in my pants and forcing himself on me at times.  He knows what has happened to me in the past.  And now I just feel like it's messed up my life I feel so uncomfortable around anyone drinking, and around most men period unless someone is around that I know wouldn't let anything happen to me.  At times even when me and my husband try things, all this crosses my mind and it terrifies me ans I start crying.  I wish I knew if a way to deal with this.  But its so hard and its hard to talk about even after all these years since it first happened. But no one has ever cared about it or some anything about it.

[Jinx_777]

i would suggest you find a therapist you can trust and eventually have your mom and husband (i think your husband needs to go to many of the sessions with you so he can understand) go with you and first confront your mom.  in separate sessions have your therapist explain to your husband what he should NOT be doing and why.  if your mom denies it, just know that is not uncommon.  my mom, to this day sticks up for the man that abused me and often say's 'you are just trying to make me look bad'.  my response is 'you make yourself look bad'.  don't let that hurt you.  i  am learning to handle her, actually just stay away from her

[Nighthawk61]

I'm so sorry that your mother did not protect you as she should have during your childhood. I am hoping that your husband can learn to be more sensitive to your needs, but first you need to find out what exactly they are. You need to talk to a therapist, a women in my opinion. This would help you to deal with your mother not protecting you (as you would have a female therapist who would be protective of you) You would learn from a female what you need to have learned from your mother. how to protect yourself now and in the future, and how to get by challenges from the past. I surely hope there is no financial reason why you could not seek therapy. I don't know if your mom is in your life, but maybe you can ask her for the money to see a therapist. That would not be odd at all. As it would serve your marriage well to seek therapy, perhaps your husband would be happy to help you get there? I hope so. You deserve to find some peace.

I too have had a good many incidents happen in my life, and all i can say is, that from this point forward you have to protect yourself. Get it through to your husband that you will not idly sit by and let things happen to you that make you feel uncomfortable now. Ask for his support in this, as you are looking forward to healing and you know the only chance you have of this happening, is to stop feeling uncomfortable. period. Make sure that when you do engage in sexual behavior it is because it's something that you want, and you will not regret.

I'm sending you a big hug. I'm so sorry for your pain honey and your being made to feel so abandoned by your mother. Shame on her. How sick is it to be having sex with 4 of your children in a hotel room with a stranger? Pretty sick. You cannot change the fact that you were not protected, you can only move forward and be a great mother (if you have kids) and protect yourself now!!! In time, that will go a long way in your healing process.

You're 19 now, and if your current husband does not cease and desist from forcing himself on you, I would leave. This is in no way helpful to your healing and in fact, can do you just as much harm as when you were a child dealing with unwanted sexual advances. He must be made to see this, if not, in my opinion he's not the man you need in your life. Let him know that you need therapy for yourself,.

You don't need to live like you were raised. You can leave all that behind you. You are in no way responsible for any of the issues in your life..Moving forward, one day at a time, you can live in safety. You can plan on having a good relationship and having a family. But you have to figure out now whether the man you married is capable of making you feel respected and is intelligent enough to go to any lengths, as any good man would, to support you. This man might not be capable of that, and therefore it might have been a mistake to have married so young. You may need to set the "reset" button and start fresh, in  order to have the type of life that is progressive and safe. You have to know and feel that you are worth it. You are, but do you know it? A therapist is of the utmost importance to you. Pay the price, and ask for a female. With what you've had happen to you, it would be a shock for the abuse to not continue without some therapy. Best of luck, God be with you. God speed.  If you need to talk i'm here for you. Liz

[duchess500]

By girl first off talk to your mother alone then be first up with her be forward because it all starts back to the first time it happened then the first person u told im telling u I have been threw it.

[duchess500]

By girl first off talk to your mother alone then be first up with her be forward because it all starts back to the first time it happened then the first person u told im telling u I have been threw it.

[Godisfaithful]

I'm sorry for all you went through and the fact no one was there for you. I understand how you feel about in some ways because I was molested when I was 7 or 8. It affected me in so many ways. In some ways I'm still affected. But God is helping me along the way. If it wasn't for Him I would be crazy. My life is so much better. What was meant to kill me, didn't. I have to victory. I'm still learning, but enjoying life better than I used to because I have hope now. Praying for you all.
Veronica

[Yesidid]

Hi Kaykay. Some men can be so horrible but luckily Most men are not. I pray that you can heal from these abuses and that all the men in your life respect, protect, and love you. Your husband will need to become ( if he isn't already) a very special man. Loving you and honoring you with his words and actions is important.  I am a man with a history of drug abuse and have been in recovery. I never hurt girls or women in the way you were hurt and even when I was drunk or high I would never imagine hurting someone in such a way.  Your husband (if he is close to your age) is at a stage where sex is very important to him.  Let him know that you love him but you need him to act in a special way in order for sex to be most enjoyable to you. Working these things out is a normal part of any young marriage but your past makes this a bigger challenge.  You can overcome with real love based in caring and mutual respect. God Bless.

[Janelle_2888]

First of all I want to say that I am sorry for all that you have gone through. I can imagine that it might feel like things can't get better. I have had some pretty terrible stuff happen to me too . Its hard to talk about. Talk to your husband about the fact that you feel very uncomfortable with him forcing himself on you. He shouldn't be doing that especially after what you have been through. I recommend you try therapy or councelling .I understand what you are going through and I want you to know you are not alone. Hugs and Prayers.

[kaykay2k13]

I'm now 19.  Didn't mean not.