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living a very lonely life with my husband
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living a very lonely life with my husband

Hello, I am a 48. Been married for 27 years. My kids are all grown and out of the house. I love my husband but lately I wonder if the love is returned. My husband owns his own business and is a work-a-holic, he leaves the house at 8:00 am and is never home before 11:00 pm and usually after that. I have asked myself if I am being emotionaly abused and I know since I have to ask that the answer is most likely yes. He is constantly putting me down, i.e. I am not a good cook, I don't keep the house clean enough, basically anything I do is not good enough. I might see him for 10 minutes a day and all he does is talk down to me. We do take vacations once a year, always with other people and that is supposed to hold me on time with him. The sad and confusing part is that I get angry that he doesn't come home, but, then on those rare ocassions that he does come home at a decent hour I hate it when he pulls in the driveway. I have a part time job, and the money I make goes to paying the bills, I don't have a clue how much money he has as he has totally excluded me from the business. He complains all the time about being so busy and far behind and I offer to come and help and he says no I don't need your help you don't know how to do what needs to be done....If I ask him ?'s about anything he bites my head off, if I try to talk to him he acts like I am bothering him. For the past week I just have not talked to him, and he seems to like it.... I am really considering leaving, but at this point I have no money and no where to go...... I am angry and very unhappy, have no ambition to do anything, no desire to talk to anyone, been off work from an injury and I have not left my house in 2 weeks.....thanks for taking the time to read....
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9 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_m_tn
I should add that I this is my second marriage, and my first husband was physically and mentally abusive and I swore I would never let that happen to me again.....
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1582880_tn?1296616208
What are you getting from this marriage?

What's keeping you in the relationship?

What are you protecting by staying?

What would you be protecting if you leave?

...just some questions for you to ask yourself.  I understand to a certain degree what you're going through.
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13167_tn?1327197724
I don't know that you're being "abused" as much as you really don't have a marriage.  

What is keeping you from building a life for yourself?  48 is YOUNG to be living the life of a shut-in.  

Since he's never there anyway,  I don't see much immediate need for you to "leave".  It seems like all day long and well into the night you have all the choices in the world for what to do,  where to go,  who to befriend,  etc.

It seems you are absolutely stuck in being unable/unwilling to take risks and get out there in life,  and it doesn't really seem very fair to blame your husband.  This is what YOU are doing.

Have you considered that you may be depressed and that anti-depressants may help you get started again?
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535822_tn?1413656274
Its hard sometimes to know  what to do isn't it, it does sound as if hes not going to change ,have you told him how you feel ,how you dont like him putting you down. You do have the rest of your life to think of, so it may be a good idea to see if you both can work it out, perhaps with some therapy, if not, well leaving will be better than what you have .,he has to pay you your share of the house it will help you get started . I know you feel bad but sometimes that old American saying 'when the going gets tough, the tough get going 'can work .Take a full time job and save , get some independance going...good luck
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757137_tn?1347200053
Is this abuse, or two people who don't get along?  He may not love you, or at least he doesn't act as if he does. If you threaten to leave him, you will know his true feelings.

He has his own business, so if you divorce him he will have to pay you alimony. If he doesn't turn around that may be the best solutions. You are still young enough to make your own life.
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Avatar_m_tn
48, you are young still, you have many living years left to be sitting around doing nothing. Keep yuo mind occupied, go to a gym, and while at the gym or other activty think about your life, maybe school???   i am sure thins will get his attention, it would get my attention if my wife started doing  things out of the ordinary.  you still have time, just dont sit around.
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