manipulation

[4000gata]

I will like your opinion on how to help my son's emotional state. His father has him every other weekend of the month and per custody he has to bring my son to school on monday mornings. What the father does now is he has my son call me on sundays to bring him a day earlier. I believe he puts my son in a very stressful situation as I can not be able to be at home because i work. I am worried that these situation is hurting my son and how can we stop this.

[momma-of-3g1b]

Emotionaly your son may be feeling rejected by you and his father.

Father tries pawning him off earlier then hes supposed to and Mom for having to say No to your son coming home due to work.

You are not at fault ofcourse for  working,  Its in your custody agreement that ex has him till Monday, I think its bad that ex is doing this to your son. What is ex's reason for wanting son to go home early? Well no matter the reason, he should be communicating with you not having your son do the work. If you and ex have communication, i would talk with him about this. If you dont have communication you may have to get mediator involved or go back to court. Your son shouldnt have to deal with this.
Also reassure your son that having to say no on sundays is not because you dont love and want to be with him but, that you have work commitments.
Of course it would be nice to blame it on dad trying to change the deal but, you know you cant.That would be just as wrong. !!

good luck

[dbkatz]

I have an idea.

Ask your son to ask his father. "Dad, I want to check "us" out, can we have a moment together?

At eye level, (what ever that takes) they have to look into each other eyes, They have to look and truly recognise that they are just two people on this giant world.

no touching, no background music or TV. no booze or sugar....just two soles looking into each others eyes,,,,face to face.

If you can get them to do it and take a big deep breath while doing so....it is really powerful....course you will have to do it as well. It will blow you away!

[Think929]

My ex husband (very abusive, manipulative) is emotionally abusing my daughter.  Instead of saying outwardly bad things about me he says things like...."I wish you didnt have to go to 'her' house.  I wish you were with me 'all' of the time.  I am so sad when you are not here....always.  

He puts notes on her desk at school and in her folders when she is coming to my house....

As much as you may think that this sounds sweet....it is abusive.  He is making her responsible for his happiness and makes her sad to be without him.  its sick.

He was so controlling with me, I didnt have a life, no friends, I always had to watch what I said, it was 13 years of abuse.  He always told me that I didnt love him because I didnt do this or that correct or like he would like.  I was always held responsible for his mood and happiness.  

I got out by pure luck....He found someone else to obscess over....it was just enough to get out.  It was hard and he almost killed me but I got out.  But I went on his terms....I got nothing, paid for everything and even gave him money.  I just wanted out.  I moved out of the immediate area and tried to just not make trouble.

I cant believe I let him stay in her life like this.  Now he is going to keep doing this to her....and us forever.  He hit me for control now he will do it through my daughter.

I cant believe this is happening.  I am fighting him...but its hard.  manipulators are masterminds.  Scary people.

[AnnaE]

can you get a mediator, or talk to your lawyer?

[AnnaE]

Is a mediator or a lawyer possible. Could a counselor help? I hope so.