mother monster

4 years ago my mother lost custody of me and my sister because she was physically abusive to us. recently she came back into my life saying she changed.. but thatvwas untrue. i am 9 weeks pregnant and as a congradulations she gave me 100 dollars. ans when i couldnt wait on.her hand and foot she told me she wanted it.back when i bought food for mysekf. i am poverty level. She told ne she resents.me and.hates me and that i am a selfish *****. why is she that way to me

[RockRose]

She's always been that way to you,  is why she still is that way.  :(

Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and move on.  Do you have aunts or grandmothers or older women in your life that can help support you during your pregnancy and motherhood?

[mommycasey]

No.

[specialmom]

Hi there mommycasey.  That is unfortunate that you don't have any people to lean on.  Hopefully the baby's father is in the picture and you are still a couple.  

But your mother is a done deal.  She's not changing any time soon.  You can and probably always will love her but do so from an emotional distance.  

We have two chances at 'family' and the idea of mom. The one we are born into. And the one we create.  You are about to create your idea of what a mom should be in yourself with your own child.  All the things done wrong to you, you can correct by your own actions with your own child.  So, begin making plans.

Sometimes situations are 'bad time' and too overwhelming and adoption is something to think about at that time.  It is a beautiful thing, adoption.  It can be such a blessing for all involved.  

If that isn't something you'd consider, then think about how you want the early life of your baby to go.  start thinking in terms of finances---  where you will work, who will watch the baby while you work, how you will continue in education or job training to get further ahead.  Think of the practicalities---  where you will live, where you and baby will sleep, things you might down the road need for baby.  Then think of where you could meet other moms who are going through the same thing you are.  

You can do it sweetie.  You really can.  But don't fall victim to your mother's cruelty in the process.  Be the kind of mom she never was.  good luck

[specialmom]

Oh, I see that you are a married woman.  So nix the adoption talk. :>)  good luck dear

[Jordan_J]

I had a very abusive Step Mother growing up, physically and mentally. My Dad would just turn a blind eye to it. You need to cut ties forever and I know this can be hard but trust me, you will feel so much better not having to worry about this kind of crap anymore.

[Nighthawk61]

You can't choose your parents, but you can choose who messes with your equilibrium, always. Do right by yourself, and stop trying to get blood out of a stone. You do better with your child, then she did with you, it's the circle of life. I'm sorry that you'll be missing the idea of having a supportive mother, should you figure out that you need to cut your losses, but you can open yourself up to other mother /grandmother figures by taking an art course, or becoming a volunteer, or having close girlfriend's who are close to their mothers. I wasn't close to my mom and had to do without having a mother, or father in my adult life. I'm sorry, it's crappy, but it is what it is :) Keep smiling.