my friend needs help

hi to u all my friend phoned me yesterday and asked me could she come round she needed to talk so round she came in a state right from she was a child she watched her father hurt her mother this was physcial and emotional abuse from as far back as she could remember and her brother sexually touched her her brother is 18 months younger than her but she says it has really not bothered her as she thinks he was young and didnt understand this brother she just found out a few years ago did the same to her younger sister but she meet her childhood sweetheart when she was 15 and he new what she was going through so she thought he would help her and she left home to be with him and by the time she was 17 she had her first baby she now has 2 children but her partner who she has been with has beat her bad for years staples in her head and has stabed her 3 times this is not counting the black eyes or the brusies all over her body he has raped her twice so he has sexually abused her as well as the the physcial and emotional abuse but this has been a period of 12 years she said its all not bad she has no support from family and if she leaves she has no money or job as they bought a small business and she put all her own money that she worked for into but her name is not on nothing i cant help her as i live in a small place with my own 2 children i told her there is womens refuges and other places she can go but she says she dont want to put her kids through them places i said dont put ur self or your kids through this hurtful mess with him i think she just needed someone to talk to without being juged  i dont no what to do this is why im asking for some advice thanks for reading

[specialmom]

Is this related to the post on the child forum in which your dad was stalking you at the mall and was doing  similar things?  I'm very confused.  That story was different but similar at the same time.

[9481]

this has nothing to do with any thing related to me if it was i would have said me and not my friend my daddy is a mental patient whats that got to do with a girl who has had all of this abuse your right the story is diffrent cause i havent been through this abuse and wouldnt let myself go though this that is why i couldnt give my friend any answers and asked for some i moved away from my father cause he aint well i havent seen him in over a year i was asking on the child fourm did any one think i should let him see my children i didnt get any responce but im not on here in relation to that matter im on for answers on my friend thanks

[margypops]

I was about to put up the same comment , could you explain to us ?

[margypops]

Posts crossed

[9481]

explain what my father aint well i never once put on the child form that i was abused i was trying to say my father was not well and my child wanted to see him and i didnt no what to do for the best i dont think you have read my post right the post of abuse was about my friend cause i posted some thing beore it sounds the same it dont matter thanks any way

[specialmom]

Okay----  just a lot going on in your life with your family and friends . . . anyway, she gave you the answer, really.  She says that it is not that bad and she can't leave.  While I understand why you would  want to rescue her, she has to want to.  Yes, if true----  it does sound terrible.  But unless she is trying to escape, there isn't much you can do but listen.  If you see anything happening to your kids, call child services or the authorities.  That would be double abuse----  a father committing the act and a mother choosing to subject her kids to that kind of atmosphere.  

As to your question about your father, no.  I wouldn't allow my child to see my mentally ill father that was threatening me.  good luck

[9481]

thanks there was alot going on with my father a year ago i moved away so my kids counldnt hear or see anything and you refered that the abuse was happiningto me again if you see anything happening to my kids to your kids call child services that is double abuse im not even with my childrens father and havent been in years my kids come first i dont have time for realinships  i understand my friend does need to help herself but thanks any way

[specialmom]

The abuse/ double abuse is directed towards your friend. YOU must call the authorities if the children are involved in any way on both your friend and her husband.   If you see a scratch, bump or bruise----  if you notice any emotional problems, etc.----  then both of these parents have created an unfit enviroment for their children.  While your friend chooses this life-----  she is subjecting her innocent children to witnessing this violence.  That is very unhealthy for THEM (let alone your friend.)  There is a bigger picture here which is the children.  

So, I am not refering to you----  but that if these children are being harmed, that you must act on it if their mother is unwilling.
Good luck.  It would be hard to see your friend making such a painful choice for all involved.  

[specialmom]

And don't get me wrong.   I do have sympathy for battered and abused women.  I just don't think you will be able to help her unless she is willing.